To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

"I honestly believe that a small child is not designed to sit at home with Mum all day by itself"

lol, I am enjoying this thread. It is rib ticklingly funny. I'm only sorry it's not so much fun for others

Snort - still guffawing at that comment, I'm sorry Portofino, I don't mean to poke fun...

ok i have offended some people and I am sorry for this i just feel sad for what you all miss to be fair my nursery is not just one room it has 2 floors and 8 rooms for diffrent ages and activtys plus a sesory building and a garden so the children do get a varity of thing to do but i still feel strong on what i say surley all you 8-6 some are 7-6 i know could just change your hours a little even if you jst dropone from each day so you are having time with your child before bed sorry again

granted I probably go out more than most SAHMs but tbh thats what dd1 got used to when I wasn't on mat leave and before dd2, when I was CMing so its habit to go somewhere now and I hate being couped up indoors (small front room).

The idea that you shouldn't have children if you are going to work as well is frankly offensive. My dh was working for an investment bank when dd2 was born and did not see her from Monday to Friday for about a year. In fact he didn't see dd1, or much of me either. But we all knew and know that he worships us and we all adore him.

twinkleM - I wasn't sugesting you ought to send him for longer. But its not really a surpise that he doesn't sleep if he's only there for one sleep aweek is it? I said that if you had him there longer you would find abetter routine that works for you all better because thats what you do, you change things and try a different approach until you find what works.

Tether, I leave around 7.45 so maybe that extra 45 minsdoesmakethe differnce -long enough to sit down together and have a glass of milkand a chat whilst getting ready. And found pickup gave plenty of time again for reading cuddles bath bed singing etc. Certianly enough that with the weekend I am shocked that you felt you didn't know your child. Genuinely shocked.

I also co-clept for a while and do it still when necessary.

Portofino exactly, the rich had nannies while they got on with being social butterflies and the poor either strapped (and still do strap btw) their children to their backs to work in the fields.

As a side note, the next time I see a Daily Mail article attacking working mothers, I love to write a letter to point out that the Queen is one of the hardest working mothers in the world and ask if they would ever consider telling her to stay home like a good un.... But then I am on maternity leave and have too much time on my hands

goodasgold you must have read a different thread to me. The only relevant thing is that it is good for children to have a constant, which at that point was you I presume. My DH is in the Army and worked away lots during dd1s first year including when I went back to work, another reason I gave up. She needed a constant intimate person in her life during the day and was unhappy with her CM as I discussed earlier.

crikey what time do your DC's go to bed if you have no time to see them every evening between 6pm and bedtime? The earliest DS ever went to bed was 7.30 and its rarely before 8/8.30 now.

i didn't mean it quiet how it souned sorry i just meant if you really want to you can balance things so you can have mediam i mean my dp works nights so he is able to see my dc in day once from nursery and school ect i think its because feel that its only 4 years you have to work around so much then your kids go to school anyway so why not enjoy those first years as much as poss and i feel being a nursery for days legnth your not enjoying it all as parents

And I'm still laughing that anyone out there thinks you shouldn't have children if you then put them into a nursery. Hysterical!

Was awful Kew I saw her for a total of 10hrs mon to fri and was too knackered to do anything except the essentials at the weekend. Had PND I think as well which didn't help.

"Paart of the job of a sahm is to make sure the children get excersise and social interaction"

Ah lockets yes thats the problme with thiscountry today - children get far, far too much exercise and social interaction! (not having a pop at SAHM there no idea if there's any correlation) but its patently obvious that there are a great deal of SAHM's who don't consider it part of their "job"

Still howling over that one myself tomcat, and still waiting for an answer to question, should i have had an abortion instead?

Kew shewas fed at about 630 and asleep by 7pm and up at 7 the next morning. Needed lots of sleep (more so due to not getting much at the bad CMs).

my dc are normal in bed by7.30 pending on night eg school night or not but what i meant was the period you are seeing your kids is jst the bedtime settling bath ect time

I know you weren't suggesting that Kewcumber. But my interpretation of what you are saying is that effectively my DS would have a different personality if he'd been in nursery full time from a young age. One that would permit him to sleep while other stuff was going on. As he is he won't even nap during the day when I'm at home on a weekend, let alone at nursery. So him sleeping at a nursery would mean he was a different child from the one I know. And I wouldn't change him one bit.

Like I said we have made massive, massive sacrifices. My personal view is that we struggled and struggled to have DS - I feel bad enough as it is having to go out to work, without DS being brought up in a nursery.

And that shouldn't be taken as a judgement on anyone else's circumstances. That is purely my own view of my own situation with my own TTC background.

Kew I suppose not knowing her is not what I meant, more knowing about her days etc, how much she ate, what she had done, where she had been etc. Never got a volunteered handover Had to ask so many questions which would eat into my short time with dd iyswim.

vingertits- i have already stated earlier on that i am sorry to anyone who i may have upset jst feel you are missing some briilant moments

Sorry, didn't mean to be amusing . It's just the idea that mum knows best and that baby is better off stuck in the house with her all day....until recent times child rearing was much more of a comuunity activity. Women, when they were poor, gernerally worked at home. Probably granparents/older kids had as much to do with child rearing as the mother. Plus much larger families were the norm (14 kids anyone?)

'vingertits- i have already stated earlier on that i am sorry to anyone who i may have upset jst feel you are missing some briilant moments '

Farking ell, you apologise and them throw in a sly dig at the end, fuck off, theres a love.

I'm not in the least bit sorry

Just to clarify a few points:

I don't have a choice about working.

I am glad about this becuase I don't have to make my brian hurt by trying to fell guilty about whther I work by choice.

I enjoy being a parent.

I have no partner.

The compromises I make generally involve less housework and no less social life in order to spend time with DS.

DS is on target developmentally and physically despite having any number of things against him and professionals predicting the opposite.

He is not sad

I am not sad

The only people who appear to be sad are the posters who haven't tried to work and raise a child or who have tried and weren't happy with it. If its OK with you Nutter - I won't take advise from you on that basis, but I'm touched at your concern.