To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

That sounds lovely blueshoes. I don't doubt that there are some really excellent nurseries. I do doubt that there are as many as there ought to be, though. And I suspect that substandard nursery care (without much love and affection) is worse for a child than substandard home care (with love and affection). That's my only point really...

you have to judge each individual case on its own merits.

YANBU, 10 hours in nursery for pre-schoolers, 8-6? Crap in my opinion. Don't have children if you are not going to look after them.

Nobody will ever be right on this subject. Each to their own.Night.

you forgot to mention precious moments

there are also some pretty awful mothers around too, Bubble.

So what you saying? its justifiable for a single mum with an unplanned pg to put her dc in nursery, but its not for someone who longed and planned for a child? thats bullshit. your ignorance makes me aggressive

Just because a child is at home ft doesnt mean they are happy, it is all down to parenting, you can sah and be a shit parent, or you can go to work and still be a shit parent, or vice versa. I go to work my ds does to nuresry, has done since 10 weeks old, it doesnt make me a bad parent, it doesnt make him unhappy, you may sah it doesnt make you a better parent than me, or vice versa

What pisses me off is poeple feeling sorry for my ds, DONT, feel sorry for abused, neglected dc instead, dont feel sorry for a child who goes to nursey whom you knowing nothing of its home life or its parents situation.

Firstly to answer the last question. I chose a nursery over a childminder because I couldn't place that amount of trust in one person. I also felt that DS would get more stimulation in a nursery environment. I don't regret that decision at all, especially since he attends a small nursery with excellent staff.

Secondly, however, I would hate DS to be in nursery full time. He goes for one and a half days a week (he's 2) and after his full day he is knackered, seriously knackered. He won't sleep while he's there (although possibly he would be used to it if there full time). What usually happens is he has tea in the car, flakes out and we put him straight to bed when we get home - no wash, nothing, just straight to bed. I wouldn't like to be doing that every day as it would feel like I didn't really know him.

BUT, I am aware we are lucky to be in this position and I feel sorry for those who have no choice. Although I should add that we have made big big sacrifices so that DH stays at home with DS. We would have to be much further below the breadline to change things though.

I don't think VT is being aggressive. i think she's fed up with comments like the 'why bother having kids' shit, and no-one would blame her for that. What a bollocky line that is. Would make anyone want to scream in frustration and annoyance. But I don't think she's being aggresive. Not speaking for VT on this next point but often wohm do have to end up almost justiflying, defending their right, desire, need and so on, to woh.

Too true, KC

My 'benign neglect' style of parenting positively glows compared to some.

vingertits _ i have not put my son in nursery part time as you put it he is now at the age to be in a school nursery and being prepared to start school he does 2 days in a main stream nursery and 3 days in a sen nursery as he has ASD. my eldest son also only did nursery in this way although not at a sen . blueshoe no i admitt my punctunation is crap but its late now but jst like to say i could afford a private nursery if i wanted to which i don't and my nursery does have a few children in it that staff are the parents of

I' ll tell yo what, in Belgium, at age 2.5 99% of children go to kindergarten. It is free. There is one teacher for 20- 30 chldren. It is considered preparation for school, so basically it is learning through play, but quite obvioously the chidren are not getting one on one attention. MY dd loves it.

But is SOOO diferent from what would be offfered for children of an equivilent age in the UK. The Belgian's have very high acedemic standards. So much so that I found it hard to get an interview as I don't have a dgree.

Am going but....

"Don't have children if you are not going to look after them."

If a child is in F/T childcare they are still looked after by their parent/s. Infact the quality time is prehaps above abd beyong a SAHM parent's imput.

Another - don't have kids if you can't look after them shite! WOW, so many ignorant idiots on here!

And with regards to mythether's question. Actually I discovered today that one of my DS's nursery friends is the daughter of the nursery owner. So that gives me huge confidence in the staff and nursery in general, which I already had.

Thankyou tomcat, thats exactly how i feel

Lol, I shall remember that. Definition of ignorant idiot = having an alternative opinion to you

Gosh how odd that the op feels sorry for children in nursery, its been said before in the thread but there are so many other children in the world to feel sorry for.

My parents are from one of the poorest countries in the world, my father was out herding animals when he was literally a toddler 3 or 4. His mother had to leave him for months at a time with her own mother in order for her to find work in the cities btw my father describes a very happy chidhood cared by many emotionally generous members of his community even amongst stifling poverty.

I find this whole WOHM/SAHM angst that British have is so bizarre. Only in so called western countries is child rearing such an isolated activity only to be done by the mother and father.

To the op spare your feelings of sadness for those that need it.

Saying 'dont have kids if you cant look after them' isnt an alternative opinion, if rude and offensive to parents who go to work ffs

but twinkleM if you had to do it full time you would change your routine and make it work. 1.5 days is very unsettling, my CM doesn't like to take a child less than 3 days for exactly that reason. You try to make routines at home and nursery/CM as similar as possible as similar as possible.

PLease don't feel sorry for my lovely boy. There is really no need, he is a happy little chappy and greeted his CM when we happened to go to the same playgroup as her last week with a beaming smile. I know others children who go to nursery who are equally fond of their carers.

VT .

dont let it wind you up...im sick of hearing it too.

"Don't have children if you are not going to look after them."

So at an advanced age I happened to find myself PG. Should I have had an abortion? Or should me and DH have managed the best we could and have a happy, confident and much loved nearly 5 yo? Well I certainly know the answer and have NO regrets.

these threads nearly alwasy ends up with folk on both sides of the fence feeling shit, as defending your choice inevitably questions that of another.

I'm not saying anyone is a bad parent ect if they use a nusery jst should just try and spread the time evenly so the child knows you as parents not as the person who puts you too bed i feel the same for kiddies with cm all time parents miss so much sorry if i have upset people but all views added