To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

'The problem with nurseries for me is that everytime I pick up my nephews, there is always a baby crying on it's own and the staff are dealing with someone else.'

So what do you do when your sah baby is crying, and the phone rings, someone knocks at the door, you urgently need a shit?

Its ok to leave a bay to cry for a coupld of mintues while your attention is else where, they wont die from it

I do think certain people cant win whatever they do.

My dd would have been in nursery from a very young age if I hadn't been made redundant. As it was, she did 9 - 6 some days.

That made it possible for me to work 30 hours a week. I was bloody lucky to get a job as flexible as the one I have.

For every person who felt sorry for my dd being in nursery for that time, there's another who would kick me down if I didn't work.

I've felt bad every single day that I couldn't be home with them.

noonki, I cannot comment on your nursery, but I sat in for my hours whilst settling my ds over 8 weeks in his nursery. The 3-1 ratio is generally adequate. The crying babies are usually the ones who are still settling in or tired at the end of a long day. The seasoned babies generally just get on with it. The occasional paddy is to be expected but the ladies are not overstretched on a routine basis. I still have fond memories of the baby room and the babies who were there with my ds in my time.

Giselda as I have already pointed out, keyworkers take holidays, may work part-time with hours that don't fully cover ds/dd hours, may be sick or need compassionate leave etc so continuity is disrupted which for a baby I don't think is beneficial. Older toddlers can cope IMO but a baby under one can't understand so much. In reality the keyworker system rarely means 1:1 care. I know because hospital wards have the named nurse system which fails for the same reasons.

Noonki - do you realy thnk that babies are never left to cry at home?

Anyone with several children (not just people with triplets) knows that inevitably they cannot immdiately pick up the baby each time it squeaks - 'tis physically impossible

Which is no doubt why younger siblings are often less demanding than the eldest child - they know they cannot expect instant 100% attention from Mum/Dad

many hours

mytether - not convinced at all that babies can only bond with 1 person

see point about extended families

its egocentiric to say the least for any Mum to think her baby's only meaningful and fufilling relationship cn be with her

There is a difference between a child being left to cry in a familiar setting, and a child who is settling in to a new environment being left to cry, IMO. A very different experience for the child, surely?

I feel strongly about this one because I once left DS2 in a nursery for a settling-in session, and came back to find him in absolute floods of tears, real barely-breathing sobbing, and he was standing entirely on his own in the middle of the floor as the nursery workers did other stuff. I was outraged and never took him back.

I know this is just one example - but it's representative of the three nursery settings that I've seen at close quarters (which have all been at the cheap end of the spectrum, although the two things might not necessarily be related).

IMO that sort of treatment was much more potentially damaging for him than being left to wail for a couple of minutes because I need to make a phone call.

Bubbles that isn't true, speaking as a CM myself who did a school run. My dcs all went to bed at 1300 and got up at 1440 and would sleep more in the car/buggy if needed. They were all of the age that they needed roughly the same amount of sleep. I still manage to have dd2 in a routine by tailoring outings i.e. if going out with buggy then dd2 goes to sleep in it at a set time if she won't be up before I go. All the other CMs I work with do likewise. Keeping children in a routine they like keeps them happy and makes everyones life more pleasant.

My dcs started ft nursery at 11 months. So I am only commenting from that age. Just like children have different expectations of food, my dcs also did not seem to need one-to-one care from their key worker. Once settled in, they seemed comfortable with a number of workers (maybe about 4-5 faces). The staff told me at pick up how ds went from one carer to another asking for cuddles in turn. I thought how wonderful he trusts all of them and enjoys more arms to cuddle. They were both clingy co-slept bf-ed babies whom I continued to bf for long after they started nursery.

This one-to-one thing is overrated IMO. As others have pointed out, it does not happen in families with more than one child anyway.

I actually work in a nursery but i can honestly say i would never have put my children in one at a young age my youngest is in nursery now put usal pre school age type ect i see kids that have breakfast lunch and dinner in nursery and go home to bed i appriate that not every one can afford to stay at home but doing hours where you don't see you children at all is just loopy why have them i have one child in my group shes 18mnths calls me mummy i honestly think this because she sees me more then her own mummy its sad really. even now i only work the hours my son is in nursery 2 1/2 a day tell a lie a work 3 1/2 and daddy picks him up either way i see him and my ds1 for more then putting their pj's on come those of you who do have a dc in a nursery all hours must miss them so many of the parents of kids in my nursery miss so much first steps, words sorry to on jst wouldn't air my view as nursery worker and a mum

Ok should have said that the parents/carer are key to a babies world. Yes babies can have meaningful relationships but benefit from a close bond with 1 other as opposed to several nursery workers, which is what happens for the reasons outlined earlier.

sorry that should say jst wanted to air my view

I mean 1 face to care for the child, not literally 1:1. Obviously as a parent I have to share my time between 2 dcs but I am her constant during the day, just as a CM is a constant. Nursery isn't constant.

But if a parent wanted their child to sleep in a cot at 2.30pm it wouldn't have been possible?

Not a dig. Just trying to illustrate that parents' have to accept that their routines can't be followed to the letter if their child is cared for by someone else.

We have a child whose parents had written 'some notes' (a file full) for a prospective nanny. They included telling the never-to-be-found nanny where and how to cross the road at the end of their street.

'i appriate that not every one can afford to stay at home but doing hours where you don't see you children at all is just loopy why have them'

Ffs not that old chestnut

Choccynutter why did you have children if you were going to put them in nuresry part time?

Why do people ever bother having children at all if they cant fit in to the 'perfect' family enviroment of 2 parents, one staying at home full time?

You just a part time mum if your ds goes to nursery, so why bother!

Statement like this are just ignorant imo

Perhaps we should do a poll on how many nursery workers would put a baby in nursery?

policywonk: "I feel strongly about this one because I once left DS2 in a nursery for a settling-in session, and came back to find him in absolute floods of tears, real barely-breathing sobbing, and he was standing entirely on his own in the middle of the floor as the nursery workers did other stuff. I was outraged and never took him back."

That is outrageous. I would never use such a nursery. IME firsthand at my dcs' nursery, the carers' time in the babyroom is largely concentrated on the new ones. The others are happy to get on with the toys. New admissions were staggered out for this reason.

One of the ladies rocked my ds to sleep and then held him for the full duration of his hour plus naptime because he would wake if lowered into a cot. They did this for every naptime until my ds gently settled into the routine and slept on his own (another thing he does not do at home). I almost cried they would do this - I did not expect them to, but the lady said she was happy to cuddle him. Some carers actually do like babies.

No mytetherisending, why not do a poll on how many mums would have a abortion rather than put there dc in nursery, after all if you cant be with them full time, why bother?

We have four staff working in our under-two's room. Each child has a keyworker but builds up a close relationship with all of the staff in the room.

Rather like babies used to do when grannies/aunties etc looked after them.

VT why are you having to post so aggressively? I agree that statements like that are not helpful and some pregnancies are unexpected, being a single parent is often unexpected and not everything can be controlled. I would have to ask that question to someone who put a baby in nursery at 3-6mths after IVF though. Why would someone work so hard and go through that much to have a baby and then not want to stay at home with it until mat leave runs out?

Or how many nursery workers would risk leaving their child with a CM?

choccynut, I cannot read your post for your lack of punctuation. But I see you have rehashed some of the old platitudes about nursery. Have fun.

Mytether, as for how many nursery workers will use their own nursery, this one has already been discussed below. None I would expect, barring the fact they could not afford ft provision at a good nursery anyway. Except my nursery manager who does

Klein et al asserted if the care is good enough child will be secure and attached

Please don't turn this into a CM vs nursery thing.

There are some truly awful nurseries around.

Equally there are some truly awful CMs