To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

No it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I've had it said to me often plus listenend to Xenia ranting on about how thick we all are.
I know you're all figments of my imagination anyhow
Spice - I hope you did mean 'you' when you said the intelliegnt bit

I agree VT.

I know all sorts of mud slinging goes on in all directions once these threads get underway, but tbh it does tend to be SAHMs who start this type of thing.

I have never seen a thread start with something like.....
'AIBU to feel sorry for the children of SAHMs? They must have such a dull life, missing out on the chance to go to nursery'

But regularly we get threads like this, criticising the fact that many parents use nurseries (or CMs, nannies, or whatever happens to be the flavour of the month).

I've seen a few posts (well, Xenia's mostly!) which make crass comments about SAHMs being brain dead etc but she is very much in a minority. And even then, she doesnt often start threads.

The purpose of the OP is clearly to be inflammatory (maybe she's bored?? )
If you were happily staying at home with your children I doubt you'd give a toss whether other people's children are suffering in nursery!

I've been discussing pros and cons of childcare options with my mum today (I am pg with DC1).

She was a SAHM with me & my brother and did absolutely loads of stuff with us. Not much visiting attractions and the like, as she had no money, but playing with us, watching school programmes with us, teaching us about science, reading us books and teaching us to read. Yet she actually felt guilty for not taking us to nursery as she was concerned we didn't get the social interaction we needed as we were both shy kids when we started school.

IMO there really is no right and wrong re type of childcare - only the need for loving and caring parents who do what they believe is best for their children. I don't think there's anything wrong in asking about the other side of the coin, but the OP did sound rather judgy.

BTW mine will be in nursery 3 or 4 days/wk and I have no problem with that, provided I can find a decent nursery.

Spicemonster - as a SAHM I would not really mind if a thread was started as you suggest. I know how happy my wee guy is so would maybe think 'how odd' but not much more.

i pay a lot of money to have strangers watch my lo and tell me all about the precious moments i missed,dont you know

findtheriver

Being a SAHM can be boring and I found (before was pregnant) that I was physically busy but had a lot of 'thinking' time on my hands.

Speakeronascanner,
i couldn't agree more with both your posts

"People who haven't visited a nursery really don't know what they are like"

What's their idea of a nursery then, a victorian orphanage???

My mother was a SAHM and because she did such a crap job, it does make me think that me and my siblings would have been better off in childcare.

When I say that I feel lucky, I mean that I feel lucky that I can choose (not that I am able to stay at home, because that is a personal choice that I made). Financially I can stay at home while my children are preschool age, and then, I can choose to go back to work OR I can choose to go straight back to work after maternity leave.

I really do think that there are value judgements being made on both sides of this debate EVERY single time it comes up on MN - with each side throwing the same old insults back and forth:

WOHM, selfish for having children and "wanting it all", making poor childcare decisions ie. nurseries etc

SAHM, anti-feminist, failing some economic obligation to contribute fiscally, lazy, stupid, incapable of holding down a job

Actually, if you write the lists both sides have some fairly nasty mud to sling at each other.

WHERE IS THE SISTERHOOD? ISN'T FEMINISM ABOUT RECOGNISING THE CONTRIBUTIONS WOMEN MAKE AND HAVE ALWAYS MADE TO SOCIETY IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER? When did our enemy become each other and not the male status quo? (sorry needed to shout a bit)

I am going to get really slammed for this, but MN debates are SOOO petty and juvenile when they descend into this territory. EVERY TIME.

I think she's right. I put dd in full time nursery when she was 4 months old. Looking back on it, it was the wrong decision. I should have tried something else...maybe looked harder for a nanny or childminder near me because going into full time nursery at that age really did her health harm. She picked up every bug that was going (and I know she probably would have done at a childminder but there also wouldn't have been that many babies together at a childminder), ended up in hospital several times and was basically in a 'baby room' where there were 3 babies to one adult (that's the required ratio).

Looking back on it, I was mad! At the time, we couldn't afford a nanny and there were no childminder vacancies near us but I think, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't opt for full time nursery for a small baby.

DD2 went to nursery for 2 days a week from 9.5 months. At 15 months she went full time because I was only allowed to reduce my working hours temporarily without losing my full time contract. She's there from 8- 4.30. One day a week I pick her up early for a swimming class which she loves.

When she first started there I used to have to wash her hair every evening because she smelled of her keyworker. It was a while before I realised that she smelled of her because she was being cuddled by her, and after that I was OK with it.

In an ideal world she wouldn't be at nursery, But she came along when we thought we'd done with all that. Our outgoings were based on two salaries and with 4 teens (and older) in a 3 bed house we had no option to "downsize" so I could give up work. Extended Mat Leave almost crippled us financially, and nursery fees take almost 1/3 of my pay.

The only other option was not to have her at all- an option DH considered because of this very argument

Somebody I was friendly with when my others were little is now a CM and the local CM's are friendly with her. She has the TV on all day, screams like a fishwife and has to do 4 "school runs" a day. I didn't want that for DD. She goes to a small nursery with a babyroom up to 2 years and staff who all but one have their own children. Her keyworker is my age (and her grandchild is in the nursery too)

I think it's a shame for young babies, and to be out of the home until 8-6 mon-fri is a lot for any under five, but some do seem to cope well.

3 babies to one adult!!! That would be like having triplets.

BlueButterfly, I totally agree.

Fwiw i dont think saying 'i am lucky' to be at home is smug, anymore than i feel sorry for children in nurseries. However i do agree the op was polishing her own ego with this post

'WHERE IS THE SISTERHOOD? ISN'T FEMINISM ABOUT RECOGNISING THE CONTRIBUTIONS WOMEN MAKE AND HAVE ALWAYS MADE TO SOCIETY IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER? When did our enemy become each other and not the male status quo? '

Here Here

Yes of course I meant you in my 1st para nmc. Delighted to hear that you're all much more hardy than us WOHM types who are clearly racked with guilt.

I think maybe I will start an aibu thread like that one day. When you're not expecting it

WifeMother4: 'I have to say that I read any children who spend prolonged time in nursery, and let's face it not many do 8-6 5 days a week, must have emotional attachment issues.'

I am sure there must be research somewhere that long hours nursery from a young age is detrimental to some children. But I believe that to extrapolate this research to mean "any" such children "must have" emotional attachment issues is overstating the case. Most nurseries are not romanian orphanages, last I looked into this.

And bluebutterfly - I agree absolutely. It is very tiresome. And I doubt that a board that was aimed largely at men would ever have these kind of discussions. It makes me really depressed tbh

I am ready for the challenge Spice. Cos everyone is wrong except me

I did balance this with stiffled SAHMs who never socialise.

Bluebutterfly, I think you are absolutely right. FWIW I don't have an issue with SAHM, can't see a problem with people being SAHM whether through personal choice or circumstances, it's whatever works for them. I don't think SAHM are thick, or lazy or anti-feminist they are just mums looking after their children, same as me.
But I do take umbrage at them criticising me for putting my son in full time nursery.
And comments such as 'feeling sad at being in nursery every day' and 'you shouldn't have childen if you are going to put them into full time nursery' are hurtful and critical.

BTW the one room thing - I hope you SAHM make sure that your children spend time in every room in the house

I don't have a problem with the 'I feel lucky' comment, btw. I feel lucky that ds is in a really good nursery, they are a little more expensive than some of the others but that is reflected in higher wages for staff & and lots of staff development, which means low turnover, better and more modern equipment and a very high standard of care.
Though to be honest the ones that were slightly cheaper wouldn't have been as most of them would have charged me extra as ds is in longer than 8 hours a day, which my nursery doesn't,

dd is in the coal cellar as we type Bouncingturtle

ROFL at needmorecoffee - don't forget the attic, that's a room too

we havn't got an attic. Kids will be in therapy now for sure!
Actually, to get the boys to be in different rooms I'd have to unplug all the computers and lug them somewhere else. They appear to be surgivcally attatched to them