To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

lack of choice is a bugger yes.

I FEEL, I am lucky because I don't have to work to pay the bills - although I don't know what i would do if that was'nt the case.

I have no problem with people having different opinions. It's the smug crap talked by the OP that is irritating - soooooo dull!

Who says SAHM are not clever enough to work?
V odd....

I think prehaps OP is quite insecure about her lifestyle as I suspect many SAHM are! Don't shoot me down I am a SAHM.

I don't think the OP was smug. But a lot of people got very hostile and bent out of shape.

Anyone with a well and cared for child is lucky, along with cuddles at bedtime and 'hello' in the mornings. If you also spend all day with them and it doesn't drive you nuts or spend a busy week chasing the dollar and you're not racked with guilt then you're bloody lucky!!!

tttt, we're all insecure aren't we?

I don't use a nursery BTW, so I'm not being defensive - just don't like the OPs implication (by her use of language) that she is somehow "luckier" than working parents and that (very bizarrely IMO) she feels the need to feel "sad" for children who use nurseries.

Feel sad for kids who are unloved sure, but why feel sad for children who attend nurseries (for how ever many days/hours per. week)???

I think the evidence is that children who attend pre school nursery do better academically in school (sorry can't prodce whizzy link but have read about it somewhwre or other) - so unclear why the OP should feel sad for them

Most nurseries are fabulous environments and the children seem to have a fantastic time with loads of stimulating play/developing social skills etc

I do feel slightly sad for kids who have smug ignorant parents though, who think they are superior at parenting than other parents and express their opinion with all the skill and subtlety of a large bull in a small china shop - will be embarassing for them when they are older and understand their parents smug/superior comments

I just find it so utterly offensive that you keep saying you feel sad for the children that go to nursery full time. I started reading this thread and you said it twice so I just gave up reading the thread, but do feel very angry about you writing that.
Honestly don't care if someone else has said it before or not. It is a smug thing to say, and it is going to make a lot of people who are already feeling bad about not having the choice about being a sahm but having to work full time.

I have to say that I read any children who spend prolonged time in nursery, and let's face it not many do 8-6 5 days a week, must have emotional attachment issues. Part time left no mark but before 18 months children who had full time nursery care had some negative outcomes, probably no more than a child stiffled by a parent who never socialised but there you are.
As parents we make so many decisions and are pretty hard on ourselves I'm not sure we need other people's judgements.

No, not another thread of sadness over children at nursery

Mygreat aunt - you are right, I read that too - however the children who did not attend nursery catch up academically...The same 'evidence' says that nursery children are more aggressive than those who did not attend...but the other children catch up with this too!!

I think it may have been in the Times?

"'I stand by my belief that no child under three (at the earliest) should be in a nursery all day, every day.'

Well shoot me, because mine does, as do a lot of other peoples dc. Another arrogant, ignorant statement by a sahm."

Well you'd better shoot me too because I believe something quite similar, and I am a WAHM/WOHM mum who used a nursery for my first dd from the age of 5 months to 4 years.

I know there are people who have no choice but to use full time childcare - but you still order the options in some way presumably? For me, I now think that full time nursery all day every day for babies should be very low down the list of choices insofar as there are choices. When I went off on maternity leave for the first time it was top of my list because I thought it was just what everyone did. Things I've read since have changed my view. If I had to I can imagine using a nursery again, and if I had to do it (for whatever reason) I wouldn't feel a worse parent for it - but it would now be my last choice rather than first so it makes it much less likely I will. I don't think parents who use nursery are bad parents, but I think there should be some good debates about nursery that aren't stifled straight away by people dismissing the idea that nursery isn't the best option out of hand as just something arrogant coming from SAHMs. It's much more important than that - take a deep breath and consider that although you may be a fantastic parent doing the best you possibly can, you can't generalise from that that nursery care is OK and shouldn't be criticised. I used nursery for years and I happen to wish I hadn't, but I still think I am no worse a parent than anyone else. Nursery-using parents being great parents doing the best they can, and nursery care being something that needs looking at seriously and maybe altering a great deal are not mutually exclusive possibilities. Both of those things can be true.

see, I just don't get why someone feeling sad pisses poeple off? I've had poeple express sadness cos my kids were raised vegan or were home edded. Didn't raise any emotions in me whatsoever. Entiled to their own opinion and doesn't affect me and my life.
Given the prevailing opinion on MN, the OP might have made in error in expressing her opinion but everyone is entitled to one.
When I've been on the beach on a sunny day I have felt for kids stuck in school to be honest but feeling for them doesn't reflect on the choices their parents have made for them. Can't people see the difference?
If someone's opinion bugs you then maybe you're not entirely happy with what you are doing? If you were happy you'd not give a fart what someone else said surely?

Probably crass to mention it, but I should think Baby P fared rather better on the 4 days a week he went to a CM than on the other days he spent with his SAHM.
Generalisations on this issue are so unhelpful.

"tttt, we're all insecure aren't we? "

Well I think so. I know I am.

Well I also cannot see why anyone would feel "sad" aboyut your vegan home ed children nmc. Feeling sad is patronizing if what you feel sad for is something that is not sad at all, iyswim

Just as, btw, the OP being a bit smug, and nurseries being criticisable, aren't mutually exclusive propositions. I happen to think the OP does have an agenda to stroke her own ego by posting this - that doesn't change my view of nursery though, they're separate issues.

Needmorecoffee dont be so niave, if you post such an opinion on an internet forum, particluary one full of WOHM mums, and on a thread such as AIBU, you a bound to piss people off!

"if you post such an opinion on an internet forum, particluary one full of WOHM mums, and on a thread such as AIBU, you a bound to piss people off!"

This is true but people are allowed to feel how they feel and express that. having said that they have to accept the backlash - rightly or wrongly.

I still don't think she meant too. People who haven't visited a nursery really don't know what they are like.

'This is true but people are allowed to feel how they feel and express that. having said that they have to accept the backlash - rightly or wrongly'

I totally agree

noeedmorecoffee - I know you're an intelligent, articulate and feisty woman. Would it not piss you off if someone started a thread entitled 'AIBU to feel a bit sad for children stuck at home with their mothers all day long'? I cannot believe it wouldn't. And I can't believe that you'd attack the poster who'd started such a thread as being ignorant and making huge generalisations.

And to my knowledge, it's never the WOHMs who start these threads on MN. It is always SAHMs. If you attack, be prepared to be attacked back.

Sorry, nmc - when I said 'you' in that last para, I didn't mean you personally!