To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

Does the cupboard under the stairs count as a room? thats where i lock my ds when he is not spending his miserable existance at nuresry

VT, that could be a money saver, that could

oh why bother with nursery Vinegar if you have a cupboard under the stairs? you could just leave him there - children obviously receive such appalling care at nurseries. My DS goes 2 half days and 1 full day to nursery and one morning to pre-school (he seems fine btw is happy,outgoing, without any weird attachment issues, that i have seen in children whose mums (or dads) stay at home full time).

I think the OP was talking about nurseries V childminders, (not SAHM v W mums)...

Also she mentioned full time care, not part time care?

Where has she gone anyway??

I think one problem is that if you post that you feel sad about something it should either be truly tragic or funny. Otherwise it doesn't come across very well. Its also best not to post it in AIBU.

She's still at the aquarium, obviously

i felt my child was extremely bored with single care by 20 months she seems to be far more interested in friends and the things at nursery than in hanging out with other parents with little ones

with my older dd i actually had a month off work that i spent with dd at around age 14 months. i took her to playgroups and activities each day and always found it amusing that the mothers there were chatting with eachother, talking on the phone, or just chewing their gum while their chidlren ran around making noise while trying to get their attention....

DS's nursery has a huge fish tank. He is not bothered by it

I heart you FindTheRiver

The childminder who lives across from us has about 7 kids trailing after her everyday on the school run. Her house is a building site.

She also looks after her own kids during the day and I do not believe for one minute that her kids don't get preferential treatment.

I would much rather have my child in a 3 to 1 environment than with the local CM.

Ho hum

WifeMother4, I appreciate that you were being balanced. That is fair.

My point is that the sentence I quoted made it seem as if the research was saying it was inevitable that long hours nursery would inevitably (your use of the word 'must') result in emotional attachment issues.

There is categorically no research that would go so far as to say this. There are so many misconceptions about nurseries, based on popular media. Even if it was due to loose typing, I feel I have to point it out.

Excellent post by CaptainKarvol much further up. You are so right regarding parody of life with a sahm and life in childcare.

PMSL needmorecoffee!

To go back to the issue of research projects and what they tell us...

First of all, you need to remember that a research project is carried out in particular conditions, and the validity of any research is bound to be affected when anyone tries to transfer the findings. eg: it is nonsense to take observations from babies in Romanian orphanages and try to draw conclusions about British children in loving families with hugely competent parents who happen to go to nursery.

Second, different pieces of research often have conflicting outcomes anyway. Some research projects will find positive outcomes where others will find negatives. So, in other words, they often can't tell us anything helpful!

Third, any normal person would go insane if they tried to live their life according to what the latest research says. For instance, statistically, Summer born babies are likely to achieve less well at school. Does this mean that we are being irresponsible parents if we don't plan having our babies during the Autumn term?! Well, there must be a whole load of failing parents out there then!!

Don't feel sad, think about something else.

Bollocks, IMVHO.

When I was a SAHM my DCs were dragged around my drudgey day and didn't know one end of a paintbrush from another.

WTF are 'baby classes' anyway?

research, resmearch....foolish to bring up I suppose.
In my current situation I wish I hadn't stayed at home!!! DH getting income halved....
FTR.I have mainy winter babies and so that research is true.

Well my 2.5YO DS has been at nursery 7.15-5pm 3 days a week since he was 20M oldand he's never complained infact he's come on leaps and bounds since starting his talking and singing is excellent and he has so much fun with his little friends that it takes the guilt away.

At the end of the day if he didn't go there then I couldn't go out and earn any money so he's better off in nursery than sitting around with me absolutely skint all the time!

Oh and I chose nursery over CM because IMO I just prefer the fact that he's in with alot of children and I don't like the thought of him being alone with one adult, nothing to do with abuse or nowt, I just think think he gets more attention in nursery than being with one adult and 3 other children.

Mine are scattered right across the year, so I guess whatever the next bit of research says, there's a chance at least one or two of them might be ok!

Greensleeves - I chose it because of my professional qualifications (which are now completely redundant as I am a thick, ignorant, smug SAHM).

VT "Well shoot me, because mine does [spend all day, every day at nursery], as do a lot of other peoples dc. Another arrogant, ignorant statement by a sahm."

If you look into this subject, the research speaks for itself whether you like it or not.

I don't see why this has turned into SAHM vs WOHM. The OP wasn't getting at WOHMs: she was feeling sad about tiny children who spent all day at nursery!

'If you look into this subject, the research speaks for itself whether you like it or not.'

Clearly not. Just have a look at a few of the reasons why not, as I stated in my post.

If she feels sad about kids in nursery I wonder in what emotional distress she finds herself when she watches the news...

Totally agree with findtheriver about the researches.

findtheriver - I often worry about that (having had two summer babies)

Bubbles99 - Hiya [waves!!!]

thanks findariver for posting about the limitations of research. You saved me a lot of effort.

In this area, you can find research to justify any of your choices, whether nursery/childcare or SAHM or mixture. No two nurseries are alike, no two children are alike, no two home environments are alike, there is no guarantee that home care is superior to childcare in any one instance. With that in mind, you cannot live your life by the marginal benefits or detriments that research supposedly throws up.

Because no one can tell you how Your choice will affect Your children in Your family and Your circumstances. Your dcs could thrive, they could muddle through, they could falter. But as long as your children seem alright and are progressing, you can give yourself a pat on the back because you will Never Know anyway what would be the outcome if you went down a different path because no one could live their life over again. And keep flexible, if your dcs start to have problems at childcare, home or school, then perhaps it is time for a change.

But please please don't live your life by whatever research you feel speaks to you louder than the multitude of others out there. Do it if you Want to. Don't do it because it is the gospel truth, because it is not. Otherwise it would be tail wagging the dog.

needmorecoffee I can think of Bowlby's theories as a good example of babies needing a few steady carers, rather than changing staff. Not sure about an older child though once they are past the early bonding stage.

As a qualified nursery nurse, I wouldn't leave my child in a day nursery. I don't think that makes me smug or ignorant, it's just my choice. I'm quite anti-establishment anyway, as an ex-home-educated child, and if I had the choice my ds wouldn't have to go to school.

I'm actually a mix of WOHM and SAHM, as I work as an actor so have long periods away from home and long periods at home. I don't see why there is so much antipathy on both sides - some SAHM are crap, some children of WOHM don't benefit from being in full time childcare. It very much depends on the situation and the choices available to individual parents.

I can't remember who said it, but what is wrong with saying you're lucky to be able to stay at home? That's an individual's feelings, just as some mothers would say they were lucky to be able to work. I think I'm lucky to have the best of both worlds. I don't think that means you're smug, it's just the way you feel about the situation.

needmorecoffee - from a government review -
"There is a need to invest in training and support for the childcare workforce, particularly for disabled children. The special needs of disabled children require consistent and specialist support. Carers provided by social services can change too often to allow bonding with children. Parents (who often know best about the needs of the child) should be involved in the training of support workers to meet their child?s needs."

Couldn't find any research though after a brief look.