To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

We always had a daily nanny who came to the house during the day and I suppose did much of the things you describe. Then when the children were nearly 3 they went to a nursery school in the mornings (Montessori) but were collected by the nanny and home for lunch. Seemed to work very well.
I often see children in nurseries out on trips though. I don't think that's a problem.

Nor do I think children need endless entertainment. They need to learn how to be bored. Learn the TV is not on all the time (stay at home mother and nannies too often means loads of TV and nursery can mean restriction of TV so it's not all one way). Learn how to make up games. How to play in dirt and with leaves. They must not be taught a parent is there as a servant to give them entertainment very day or you'll come to regret that when they're older and it's not as good for them.

None of my posts have been agressive

You, the op, hambo and probably some others, feel sorry/sad for my ds because he goes to nursery full time, why? he is happy, healthy and loved as much as your own dc, we just have a different lifestyle to you.

I have no choice in sending my ds to nursery, there is nobody to support us, but me, thats something i have to live with, but when there are smug ignorant mothers out there, like the op, it grates on me, and i am happy with my choices, i choose to bring up my ds alone instead of having an abortion, i choose to go to work instead of living on benefits, that is my choice and i am happy.

"What I strongly believe is that people make their choices, up to a point. If they are really happy with their choices, then it won't matter a stuff what anyone else says."

But it does matter what other people think, and not because i am not happy with my own choice, it matters because you are feeling sad/sorry for my ds out of ignorance, so i am correcting you and telling you, dont feel sad for my ds because he is not sad, in fact he loves nursery, and besides this we do all of the things other sahm's do together, there isnt anything you do with your dc that i dont do with mine.

I understand it can be a neccesity when both parents work full time, and I don't think it does any real harm for kids to be at nursery full time. But there was a little girl at nursery with DD1, who was there every day, 8-5, while her mum was at home with her baby sister!! Until her sister was a year old, and then they both went to nursery all day. Why on earth would you farm your child out to strangers all day when you're not working at all? Now that little girl I always felt so, so sorry for. I just hope she never knew that mum was at home all day with her little sister.

Do you know, I think I am going to have a buzzer to press - or possibly a stun gun or something - when I read the MN Cliches that particularly rile me.

Such as 'I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home' (can I just say I, like Quattro and many others, consider ourselves profoundly lucky to have alternatives)

'Why have children if you don't want to look after them' (an old classic, that, just as you think it's going to disappear for good, bit like blouses or suchlike)

AND

'farm your child out to strangers' (a favourite term for people whom one would assume are reasonably good childcare providers and known to the poster in question).

Sorry. Off-topic, natch, but er all demonstrated on this thread.

MI can you lend me that stun gun when you have finished? i could have had a field day with that on this thread!

my DD is booked into nursery from 8-6 is not always there for that amount of time everyday. shes been at a childminders, and nursery is sooo much better. she loves it and asks to go everyday. shes booked in for that time because my DP works from 7.30 - 5pm everyday and i'm at college and part time work 9-5.30 various days. it fits in well for us, and DD is soo much better socially and will be so ready for YR R next sept. Pre-School is mixed in with daycare at her nursery. I couldn't wish for a better place for her to go.

Hear, hear MI!!

Some of the posters have made me very by implying it is not ok to criticise babies in bursery unless their in full time nursery. Then it is ok to 'feel sorry' for the babies.

Oh and the implication that if we just save a bit more money then maybe we could afford to stay at home.

And the old chestnut about 'why have children if you are going to put them in full time childcare?" Sorry ds, I was obviously a selfish cow in wanting to have you. I should give you up for adoption right now.

"Why on earth would you farm your child out to strangers all day when you're not working at all?"

depression?

I don't think many people can afford to do this - I don't think its widespread.

I am 'Tiramissu' and had to name change because i couldn't log in.

Havnt read all the thread but:

a) we had this recently

b) Op you are not mentioning age.Are you talking about babies or children? If talking about babies AND full time, i agree. If talking about children or part time i dont.

c) No matter how patronising a post sounds i still don't get why some posters get so diffensive. I understand some parents have no other better option. But to defend nurseries as if you own them is a little bit naive. It is a bussiness in the end of the day. And operates as a business. (those of us who worked there, we know what this means).

When you use a service -any service- you have to keep an open eye, keep asking questions, checking, talking to people who worked there etc. Getting over-impressed by glossy brochures and repeating things like 'stimulation...' etc doesn't help.
It doesn't matter what the brochure says. It is common sense. You CANT get 15 crawling babies out in a wet and freezing garden in Uk. So i m afraid the little ones dont get fresh air for 10 hours.
I really dont mean to upset parents but i think a lot should be changed regarding Nurseries (more staff to enable outdoor trips, qualified staff and better pay etc.)

Nurseries need to be challenged and is no need to defend people who take adventage of parents to make their millions.

Zivania - yes but as a business they have to keep their customers happy. Reputations can easily be destoyed. If someone thought their baby wasn't getting good enough care then they wouldn't hesitate to talk to other mums and look for alternative childcare. Or kick a bit fuss to get things improved.
And frankly, in foul weather, I only take ds out in it if I have to on my days off!

I'm all for an adult debate on here but why does it have to descend to snide comments? As far as I have seen, the sah "side" has been general comments about nurseries, cm and woking mothers but nothing personally aimed at anyone but I am disgusted to read nasty comments about how SlightlySad and Hambo's children must feel. Why make it personal? The sahm's are expected to understand why parents need to leave their children all day everyday in a nursey (hence the title of the op) but some of the working mums seem to have a real problem accepting that some people are sahm's, and are not smug and that they don't think that they are doing better . I thought that everyone was entitled to an opinion in these days but it seems that that is only the case on this thread if you work and have a huge chip on your shoulder. (I knew I shouldn't have looked at this thread again).

Deary, deary me....

"I'm not being smug. I know that I am very lucky in my situation."

TBH I feel slightly sad and sorry for your DC having such a smug, self satisfied, ignoramous as a mother

'If someone thought their baby wasn't getting good enough care then they wouldn't hesitate to talk to other mums and look for alternative childcare.' Doesn't this assume that all parents have the economic means to upgrade to a better nursery? Sadly, those parents at the lower end of the earning scale are pretty much stuck with whichever nursery/childcare arrangement they can afford.

I do wish people would stop talking about 'mothers' exclusively, BTW, as though fathers have nothing to do with this debate.

thats a bit belowe the belt giselda.

I have to go back to work on Monday and am dreading it. But hey, thanks for starting this thread as I feel so much better now.

FFS. Walk in my shoes.

PW - that might not necessarily be the case though, with regards to the cost but I take your point.

I definitely agree with you about fathers, we shouldn't ignore their role in this.

"but when there are smug ignorant mothers out there, like the op..."

This could be interpreted as aggressive, VT, however you mean it!

I am glad your DS enjoys his nursery. However, I stand by my belief that no child under three (at the earliest) should be in a nursery all day, every day.

How many of us actively like (or would actively like) being at work from 8-6 every day?

"there isnt anything you do with your dc that i dont do with mine."

When I think of some of the things my DCs have had me doing, I can only hope that's not true!!

[Xenia - I'm with you on the enforced boredom front...]

mygreatauntgriselda, I REST MY CASE!!!! The op was expressing an opinion based on her situation. She didn't pick anybody out in particular. IT WAS HER OPINION! Evidently her opinion is wrong which means that you can now feel personally sorry for her dc for having such a mother as she is. Oh dear God.

Dotoressa, why did you choose your posting name? If you don't mind my asking.

Its not about having a "chip" - its about the quite frankly astounding smugness that someon who is a SAHM thinks she is, by definition, a better parent than woman who works - the use of phrases like "I am lucky" and "feel sorry for" (children in nusery) is just incredible arrogance, not to mention ignorance.

The OP may be sooo "lucky" but is clearly not very bright is she?

A couple of posters have said don't make it personal. WTF? It is personal. There is nothing more personal than how you raise your children. Those of you who don't think people should take things personally - as far as I'm concerned you can save your breath. When you make judgements about working mothers - that is personal to me because you are talking about my life and how I choose to live it. You don't get to say offensive, unjustified things like all children in nurseries should be objects of pity and that people shouldn't have babies if they intend to work and then walk away saying 'oh don't take offence, it's not personal' It is personal ok.

PW I have caught you being sensible again.

Its not about having a "chip" - its about the quite frankly astounding smugness that someon who is a SAHM thinks she is, by definition, a better parent than woman who works - the use of phrases like "I am lucky" and "feel sad for" (children in nusery) is just incredible arrogance, not to mention ignorance.

The OP may be sooo "lucky" but is clearly not very bright is she?

Its not about having a "chip" - its about the quite frankly astounding smugness that someon who is a SAHM thinks she is, by definition, a better parent than woman who works - the use of phrases like "I am lucky" and "feel sad for" (children in nusery) is just incredible arrogance, not to mention ignorance.

The OP may be sooo "lucky" but is clearly not very bright is she?

Actually Dotterossa, I wouldn't mind it if the work involved lots of unstructured play, interacting with my peers, lots of lovely home cooked food, cuddles and singalongs, and nice safe room to nap in twice (or however many times)
a day!

I don't feel sorry for SlightlySad's dc. They are obviously well cared for. But because my parenting is different, doesn't mean my child is any less cared for!