To think it's unreasonable to expect Grandparents to live with you for a week every other week after having twins?

[Annthecat]

My DB and wife have told my Mum they 'expect this commitment level' from her, and she is now very worried as this will take over her life.

She will have to travel and stay with them from sunday to saturday and they expect her to go and help every other week (and SIL's mother to go the alternate weeks).

Now, they do have a toddler also, so twins is going to be very hard, and they will need support. but they do have a part time nanny and my mum offered to go and stay once a month but was told this was not enough.

Is it unreasonable to expect a grandmothet to devote half her time to supporting? My mum has a busy and happy life in many clubs and seeing frinds which would have to go, or be very curtailled.

What do you think? My Mum is very anxious about being seen as a disnitersted Gp if she doesn't agree to this.

She was told that 'people they know with twins ahve had this commitment from Gp's.'

Would this be normal or expected?

Only just read your thread Annthecat, noticed it a couple of nights ago I think, but assumed it was about pain in the ass in-laws wanting to descend for a week, and I was a bit in-lawed out so didn't click!
I probably would have done exactly what you did and shrieked like a banshee at my brother - I believe in the inner fishwife being released in small necessary doses if you can apologise and offer an olive branch to db in the next day or two. You know the kind of thing...

Anyway, I think you have been amazingly restrained, given that I have never even met these people, but actually felt my heart race with fury when I got to the bit about "exactly how ill"...

I so hope you get this sorted out, and that the twins turn out to be little cuties who learn all sorts of tricks to wind their parents up with from their doting aunt

That's not right. Sod what 'other grandparents' do...everyone is an individual and they decided to have children...they can look after them! Nice of your mother to offer to go help once a month.

I have every sympathy AnntheCat. Think I would have done what you did. My SIL is slightly mad - but not on this scale!!!

Oh dear - what is your relationship like with SIL? Not good I imagine (or not good any more!)

I don't think it's the worst thing that you phoned him. I would have done. But there is now lots of thinking.. can you imagine the thinking he'll be doing.. and he'll have it all in his head the next time his wife starts off. He'll be looking at her behaviour in the light of what you said, he won't be able to help it.

So I reckon you won't know what the fall out will be for a while. If you were nearer I would do what compo says and take him for a drink. But as you can't do that I wouldn't phone him again. Now you've said it, you might as well go with it, instead of looking like you want to go back on it and retract it.

He must know his wife is not like everyone else but it's always weird when someone else tells you that. At least it came from you. I bet it will be fine.

And let's face it, your mum could NEVER have said it.

Can I ask... just what is your SIL going to be doing while she has a housefull of helpers falling over themselves looking after HER kids ??

Actually I rather admire people who come out and say it. It takes some guts and at least now it's said.

I am the opposite and let things fester unsaid and sulk brood hoping everyone will know what I'm upset about. That is not a good thing at all and is my flaw, but I hate confrontations.

In families this eats away and is ultimately more destructive. I think you did the right thing. I wish I was more like that.