To let my 3yo run around shouting in a church...

[alardi]

Obviously not during a service(!).

Here's the scene:
Fine medieval church in a small market town. Sign on church door that says "The church is open to all visitors". It's market day so many people popping in and out to see the architexture, buy a card, light a candle..

I go in with my 3yo DS who likes to run to the back the church, stopping to talk shout about things on the way, then run back to the front area (near the door), where the children's door is so that he can look at books, play with Noah's Ark toys there, etc. He tends to shout when he speaks at all, so from a stranger's perspective, you could say he's running and shouting...

As he runs back, a sour faced old bat old lady sitting in the pews, stands up and shrieks speaks sternly "Excuse me, this is not a playground!"

So I apologised and left...DS kept asking why we had to leave and I said it was because the miserable old hag old lady didn't like children.

But I haven't set foot in the church since, don't want to cause offense, can't get over the feeling that churches are really only for the old and solemn and miserable, not for lively young children.

Or was I outrageous to ever take my unruly DS in, especially as we are contented, resolute unbelievers? I just felt the church was part of DS's heritage and even if we are slack secularists humanists, I didn't want churches/religion to seem like a foreign culture to DC (hence why we used to visit the church fairly frequently).

I'm that you think this is ok.

A family service is one thing, people who want to worship quietly would just not go to it, but when the church is open to all then it's only polite to consider other people's feelings and not make too much noise.

Same as you would consider people's feelings anywhere else where people are sharing a space.

god you are so wrong. it is a place for the community especially for children.

what is more holy than a child in joy????

so is that on in any place of worship then, soph?

do you think that jesus was into 'controlling children' or bringing them in love to god.

i can't believe this thread.

Of course YABU you silly mare

Have some bloody respect ffs

i only know churches.

i think places of worship should welcome allcomers. especially children.

what about in a mosque or synagogue?

or is it only churches?

yes but not unruley ones.

A church is for quiet contemplation

i don't know mosques and synagogues from a lived pov. but think all places of worship should be places of welcome and community.

where is god in this thread? where is love? i'm amazed tbh.

fgs anywhere people are sharing a communal space - trains, libraries, churches, pubs, etc - it's not appropriate for children run around shouting.

whatever version of Christianity you're embracing, children have to learn to share space with other people and not annoy them. that doesn't mean being repressed, but it does mean having some manners.

who says kitty?

some times are for quiet contemplation, others for exubarant joy and celebration of life and they should not be mutually exclusive.

sophable, if the service is there for children then that's fine.

However, churches are places where people like to go to commune with God, to pray, to think , to be alone with their thoughts.

It's about having respect for the needs of others not indulging your child's whims

Anyways off to bed now

Why is todays theme aibu to let child run about in this place or that place? What started this trend? Why are all the children running about today?

I think it is because their parents can't be arsed to control them. They want to be their friends, get down on their level, or some such shit.

Oh my god! children have to be quiet and contained in public places all the time FFS! Our society is so anti-children!

Vicars/Rectors etc. DON'T MIND if children want to run around a bit and express themselves!!!

Please don't assume for one minute I don't agree with manners ask my dh i so do, but there are differing levels of "disruption".

yet again supports the hypothesis that a hige amount of parents beleive the ultimate paeting goal is to have THE BEST BEHAVED CHILDREN EVER NO MATTER WHAT because in doing so this makes me a perfect parent and therefore a better person

i'm so sorry about my spelling pedants btw

peacelily... you said it better...

Some of you are bonkers IMO.

A place of worship is a place for prayer, reflection and peace. Not a playground.

We always behaved in church and knew we had to be quiet. My mum believed it was an excellent discipline; an excercise in how to meditate for 45 minutes without making noise. She was right.

The 'it is so hard for children to be quiet' belief is new. Regardless of what role you believe the church should have, regardless of your own brand of faith or lack of, the point remains that children certianly can behave and stay quiet if they are taught to.

There are so, so so few true places of quiet contemplation in our lives now; so few few occasions that children, and indeed adults can just sit and be quiet with their thoughts, it would seem a pity to fill the church with the 'freedoms', noise and empty stimulation that surrouns us everywhere else

i'm not arguing that churches should never have adult moments of quiet contemplation. but imo a child should feel extremely comfortable in church. should own it in fact. it is theirs.

alardi that sounds like our local church. One person will encourage the young and another one tut and have them banned!

I do try to encourage the DCs to be quiet in church but I appreciate at 3 thats not easy. There are so many exciting things to see and enjoy.

He is enjoying the church and feels comfortable there he may even chose to attend there when he is older they should be grateful for his enthusiasm.

yes, a child should feel comfortable in church. but so should everyone else using the church.

worahip doesn't jst mean prayer reflection and peace , is CAN mean children being livey and interested and enthusiastic.

no wonder the church is experiencing a decline in new attenders prob too embarassed to take their families there.

My Father actively tries to attract young families to the church by making it relaxed fun accessible and interesting.

Maybe you should tell him, or the bishop of Stafford they are "bonkers"

YANBU to be upset at the way the woman spoke to you. She could have done the grown-up thing and spoken to you kindly, treated you like a human being. She deserves a good talking to.

It's tricky, the whole kids + church thing. I took my DS to church for the first time on Sunday (evening service as they only do kids' services periodically but they really wanted to go). He's pretty chilled and so wasn't too much trouble, but did make a bit of noise from time to time. We also fed him his dinner throughout the service! Afterwards everyone was really nice about it because they clearly understand that children making noise is just a normal part of life (shock horror).

Am so sorry for you that you had such an unpleasant experience, however since you know your child's personality is to be joyfully loud (and hooray for him!) perhaps you could avoid taking him to places where you know people may be trying to reflect, etc.