not wanting DS away for 3 weeks over Christmas?

[LornaESMurray]

Hi,

My ex Patner is plannign a trip to Australia over Christmas to visit his Mother and brother, he wants to take our son. It's for 3 weeks and I'm worried this is too long for a 3 year old to be away from home?
Can I have your opinions/reasurance of him going away for so long.

TIA

Well, that is the agreement. I would of had George this Christmas but Lew asked if he could take him to Newcastle for Christmas as it is his Grandmas last Christmas, I agreed. Now his Grandma has had a turn for the worse and has a matter of days. So the plans have now changed to Christmas being spent in Australia with his Mum brother brothers wife and child. I agreed to this last night with a bit of hesitation but having slept on it and given it more thought I've realised how uneasy I feel about it.
I don't think he'd stay out there with him, he says nasty things when he is angry but don't think he'd really act on them. For example, the flat I own has his name on it too, he could have taken it to court and made me sell and give him half but he hasn't and says be wouldn't as the flat was bought with share I inherited from family. He's a bastard sometimes but thankfully for me not all bad.

My father is an alcoholic too, he also suffers from bipolar and it affected me terrible as a child growing up, I was really insecure etc. My parents didn't split til I was 16. I honestly think I'd of been better off had they split when I was younger. I would of avoided seeing him in drunken states each night. That is something I need to think about, I have never ever thought of it in that way Dittany. It's shocking I haven't really. I'd hate for my ds to feel the way I did as a child. That's worth a lot of thought I agree.

True. That's very true.

I could sell the remaining shares I have and pay him off, but I bought the flat with my money, he hasn't paid anything towards it, we split shortly after moving in here. I have paid him off for all the furniture etc, he's had about 3k from me since our split last October. I will get the papers drawn up to sign his share over to me and try and get him to sign it. If he doesn't then I will need to think of paying him off. That would be a living nightmare though, it doesn't bare thinking about.

It is hard growing up like that, luckily I have a wonderful mum. She went and still goes to alanon meetings which really help. It kept her sane. My Fathers on medication now for his Bipolar which is such a relief to us all, he was a different person when he wasn't on medication. Totally irrational,never slept etc.

Good advise there Jammi, thank you. I'm not doing my son the trip, the flights haven't been booked I'm just asking it to be shorter. If I had said to my ex I am taking George away for three weeks I think he would have kicked up a fuss. I don't think he'd of allowed it.
And yes I am thinking of my own feelings too, am I not entitled to? I want the best of both for DS, Christmas with his Mum and close family (my mum and brother) then a nice holiday with his Daddy for 2 weeks. I think that's fair.
When Lew and I were together we took DS to OZ for two weeks, we would of liked longer but it was definitely enough time out there.

• denying my son the trip.

I think that if, as his mother, she thinks that 3 weeks away is too much (for the child), then she's probably right. Compromising on 2 weeks seems very reasonable to me. In fact, I think Lorna has bent over backwards to accommodate his (the ex's) needs.

look even dittany and I agree!

Jammi, you do talk a lot of sence and obviously from expirience. But I do disagree that my feelings don't count! And as for "as a parent you need to consider where your son will have the best time" he will have a lovely time with me at Christmas with my family, and then he can enjoy an after Christmas holiday with the other side of the family. Obviously I am asking my EX to compromise, I'm not telling him. I'm not saying No, I'm asking for a compromise!
Lewis my ex took George to Italy for a week in the summer, then Devon for a week and now Newcastle.

Can I also add - I work full time and my son has to go to nursery, he goes to bed almost as soon as he gets home as he's tired after a long day at nursery then the weekends are spent with his Dad. I don't really get to enjoy him as much as I'd like, I feel like I'm missing out on all the good time with him so to lose out on Christmas too is hard. On the plus side I have 5 days holiday to take before the new year, I'm going to take those days off and do as many fun things I can with DS that I can fit in before he goes away.

i think you could have a pretend christmas before as it sounds like your xp would be alone on christmas if you have your child. at that age the child would think that your christmas was the real christmas because he wont be able to get that many presents in another country and it might even snow if your a lucky duck. 3 year olds dont have calenders and christmas is only what you make of it.

I have no doubt in my ex parenting, however, my son as an emotional attachment to me that sadly he doesn't have with my ex, yes they're close but when all the fun's been had and he hurts himself or it's time for bed he just wants his mummy. He even tells me himself, In his gibberish 3 year old words. Whenever he is upset at nursery or when with his Dad he cries for me.
That's one of my worries, that he'll feel abandonment by me, I'm not going to be there with him for 21 days! It's too long