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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DD should have been invited?

213 replies

musicposy · 17/10/2008 10:03

Ok, on one hand this is trivial. But DD is hurt, and I am a bit, too.

My best friend has a little girl just a bit younger than my DD2. We look after her every day and take her to and collect her from school. She's my goddaughter. She and DD2 are thick as thieves, play with each other the whole time she is here (about 3 hours a day) and rarely fall out. DD would count her among her closest friends.

She's just having her 7th birthday party this week....but DD has not been invited. I could understand this if she had only had, say 4 people, as DD is not at school in her class with her, but she's invited loads of children, one of whom only joined her class about 2 weeks ago. Every time she is here she keeps on and on talking about it, how much fun it will be, she's having a pony there all day (plus loads of other stuff- money is no object for them, unlike us), and DD is getting a bit upset.

DD didn't have a birthday party this year, and I'm wondering if that's behind it. I'm tempted to phone mum and at least ask her to stop the child constantly talking about it while she is here. Would you? Or is it just not worth worrying about?

I fell better at posting, anyway.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 19/10/2008 14:34

ROFL .. having connection problems .. sorry

LucieLucie · 19/10/2008 15:24

My goodness this wasn't the result I was hoping to read! I was getting very angry reading this thread, so much so that I want to shake the party girls mother!

How selfish of her to take 3 hours childcare and call her self a BF, but fail to mention her god daughters party! Its not sounding like any alternative was offered, ie...'x would love to do something seperately with your dd for her birthday as she is having a party for her school friends'.
Honestly, as if a 7 yo could be trusted not to blab about having an extravagant party with ponies!

If I was the op I would cut all ties - its not just the party thing but the secretive behaviour (shushing the daughter) not replying to email or phone til last minute...BF??? grr
(((hugs for OP))

dittany · 19/10/2008 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigscaryorangespiderami · 19/10/2008 15:36

I would not have gone. I would have felt like I was gatecrashing a party to which I had not been invited.
Instead I would take this opportunity to explain to dd that sometimes friendships are not what they seem (if she is in juniors she is Y3 and not too young to grasp this?)
Then take your dd out somewhere else during the party.

I would then sit down with your friend and say that you feel disappointed your dd means less to you than you thought. You feel disappointed she could not tell you the reasons for not inviting dd up front. And then say that considering the circumstances the free childcare has to stop.

beeny · 19/10/2008 15:38

I agree with Luciel this bf sounds like a user.

hecAteTheirBrains · 19/10/2008 15:42

You got a pity invite. I think you really need to rethink your relationship. She clearly didn't want you to go, even the eventual 'invite' wasn't an invite was it?

It was "we thought she'd just be in the way, but she can come if she really has to"

ScareyBitchFeast · 19/10/2008 15:44

but the girls are friends arent they, so in reality yo wouldnt want to ruin their friendship.
such a shame she wasnt invited in the first place

bigscaryorangespiderami · 19/10/2008 15:48

Scarey - the girl's friendship sounds one-sided. If they were true friends then the bithday girl would have insisted teh OP's dd was at teh party.

clam · 19/10/2008 16:32

My DD wouldn't dream of having a party without her best friend from across the road, and a couple from her previous school. Oh, and one from where we used to live. If I were ever to say, "only invite the girls in your class" she'd be horrified. She delights in mixing all her friends up and introducing them all to each other. A future career in PR, maybe!

DoubleBluff · 19/10/2008 16:42

I have just one word for your 'friend'

USER

or bitch take your pick.

tigermoth · 19/10/2008 17:19

tbh, the more I think about it, the more angry I am on your behalf. And I can see I am not the only one. Does your friend have any idea how much money you are saving her each week by looking after her child for free?

Even if she is paying you, the non invite with no explanation is shockingly bad manners considering how much time your dds spend together and the fact she is your god daughter. I had a friend who did something similar to me (though no childcare arrangement involved) and the non invite to her child's party clarified what was going on. She was using me. I ended the friendship within weeks.

Anyway I hope you don't mind coming back to say how the party went.

sb6699 · 19/10/2008 17:42

Hope you told her on the way out the door that you only came because your dd was so upset and that as from next week you can no longer offer free childcare as your dd will be busy with "friends from school" and your worried her dd would be lonely.

Oh and that goes for the week after and the week after that and so on!

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 19/10/2008 17:50

Goodness me.

The BF could have been telling the truth or it took it ages to think of a reason.

Either way, you need to see how things are between you but I am not sure about providing freee childcare every day, does she help you out?

clam · 19/10/2008 17:52

Actually, have we established that the child-care is free? I didn't think we had.
Not that it alters things much.

Upwind · 19/10/2008 18:02

YANBU to be hurt, as everyone has said, make shure your friend is not taking advantage...

DandyLioness · 19/10/2008 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cheshirekitty · 19/10/2008 18:18

Agree with everything DandyLionness has said.
She sounds like a user to me.

Why could she not have taken you to one side and explained the reason for not inviting your dd?

Ditch the childcare. Encourage dd to invite mates from her class back after school.

MoccaMint · 19/10/2008 18:22

I think that's really mean...
Even if you can accept/understand her reasons if she's a close friend of yours she should have been able to explain to you what was going on instead of keeping quiet and ignoring your emails and just contacting you at the last minute (probably hoping you wouldn't be able to go...).

Seems like she's taking advantage...

They're gonna have ponies fgs! How can she be worrying about clinginess (?sp)?

On a cynical note and pls forgive me as I know nothing about your friend but could she be trying to "buy" new friends for her daughter?

How was it at the party?

mosschops30 · 19/10/2008 18:24

I would have said 'oh sorry we've planned to do xxxx now' but have fun.
Then limit contact as much as possible and ask her to find alternative childcare.

I hate people like this who take the piss, it really winds me up (sorry but Im a proper northerner who doesnt suffer fools)

juneybean · 19/10/2008 18:24

I hope you get this sorted, your friend doesn't sound very nice at all.

MoccaMint · 19/10/2008 18:26

Sorry DandyLioness for x post as I only read musicposy's replies.

AnneOfAvonlea · 19/10/2008 18:35

Sounds like she had a late cancellation and that is why your DDs invite came (sorry).

Cant see how this can be explained away in a good light really.

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 19/10/2008 18:49

The child care should be free otherwise the OP would have to be a registered CM iirc.

clam · 19/10/2008 20:51

Oh dear. I'm a bit conscious that here we are berating the OP's BF, when she possibly just wants to sweep it all under the carpet and forget about it. Just hope the party went well for her DD and that the BF goes out of her way to make it up to her........

Heated · 19/10/2008 21:49

Am indignant on your dd's behalf Musicpony. Hope your dd had a good time. What was your bf's attitude like?

Just like a bridezilla, maybe she got her priorities wrong?

When ds had a party at a soft play centre with just nursery friends I did feel bad about not inviting the g-ps,cousins etc but it was a long way to trek across the country to watch my dcs eat! But I did explain and invited them to dd's party the following month. It's that lack of courtesy shown by your bf that would get my goat.