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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate materialism/western world and want to live with a remote tribe

261 replies

roseability · 16/10/2008 22:50

Chilrearing seems to be so hard and everyone so unhappy

We must have gone wrong somewhere?

I personally blame capitalism, elitism and modern living/parenting

The thread about women expecting exspensive gifts for giving birth is an example

In some traditional tribes people fulfil their natural purpose and experience true happiness. Mothering is cherised and supported by the community.

Their children seem happier and are less demanding.

They don't lust after diamond rings or push their LOs into hundreds of activities in order to make them better, bigger, stronger.

Just a thought

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/10/2008 22:29

'Have I personally offended you in any way expat?'

FGS, rose.

It's a big huge website. It's a huge forum that people are starting to take way, way, way too seriously and it's not at all healthy.

I never get 'personally offended' by strangers online because, well, they're strangers online.

I know it's flattering to think random strangers have that sort of power, but in the real world it's not often the case.

Original poster
roseability · 17/10/2008 22:31

I started the thread to debate I suppose

I don't know what i get out of it? A lot of confrontation and abuse!

I am not unhappy. Just like to exercise my mind but not get slated and insulted for it. This does not mean the same as expecting people to agree with me. I like asking random people what they think I suppose.

Tis the nature of the beast I am learning but I don't like to operate like that. I should have worded my OP better yes I admit that

Methinks I should find another chatroom that suits sensitive souls!

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 17/10/2008 22:31

Perhaps Roseability would be better off living in some remote backwater believing in sky gods and the like.......

(Roseability: JOKE JOKE JOKE! Don't take yourself too seriously or you won't last five minutes on here.........!!!)

Original poster
roseability · 17/10/2008 22:36

I am learning!

OP posts:
onebatmotherofNormanBates · 17/10/2008 22:38

roseability - expat posted the bit about the words spaz and mong by mistake, on the wrong thread. She wasn't aiming them at you.. (is that what you think?)

I'm quite confused now.

MakemineaGandT · 17/10/2008 22:39

seriously, don't take things to heart too much. People will tell you what they think on here but that is the beauty of the place. It is honest without the pink and fluffy guff you get in other places (and far more worthwhile for it......!!)

expatinscotland · 17/10/2008 22:39

yes, onebat, they were for, as pointed out, the Ugly Betty thread and the use of the word 'illegitimate'.

just to clarify.

Original poster
roseability · 17/10/2008 22:41

I need pink and fluffy!

But I also need to toughen up!

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 17/10/2008 23:08

I don't understand this thread

The OP posts a random thought - nothing wrong with that - imagine we all like random thoughts. We all post in return. Then you get huffy.

Why get huffy? No point. Did you really expect us all to go "Yay, let's go for it?" If you're feeling very fragile, or worried about the possibility of pnd, say so. Or perhaps ask people only to post if they agree with you.

Original poster
roseability · 17/10/2008 23:41

oh ffs I am pissed off now!

I DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO AGREE WITH MY VIEWS

What I objected to was being told I didn't know anything about tribe

Stop giving me a hard time!

OP posts:
cthea · 18/10/2008 00:38

But Rose it's not that you don't know anything about tribes, you've obv. read some books, watched some telly, gave it some thought. It's just that your opinions are still unrealistic. And you did post on IABU.

slim22 · 18/10/2008 04:52

Rose,
you started what turned out to be a classic mumsnet thread.
Lots of huffing and puffing but also lots of interesting views.
Nice change. Not many of these lately.
Take care and do shout or help if you feel a little overwhelmed.

matildax · 18/10/2008 09:59

dear god, whilst i can accept this is a aibu thread, and people are more than likely going to debate, i think the 'public flogging' of roseability is ridiculous!!

dare i say it, don't we all have a dream???

whats wrong with her expressing her point of view, i actually agree with her, so flog me instead, i for one am not pregnant, and couldnt really give a toss if you agree with me or not.

can i ask slim22, how exactly are her opinions unrealistic????. that doesnt make sense to me, they are after all, HER opinions.

matildax · 18/10/2008 10:00

sorry slim22 my question was directed at cthea. the post above yours. i do apologise to you, i think your post is really rather lovely

cthea · 18/10/2008 10:06

Matildax - you're being pedantic. OK, her opinions are her opinions and cannot be realistic or unrealistic. Her expectations of finding that ideal tribe are unrealistic. Satisfied now?

pooter · 18/10/2008 10:13

Dont lots of people have a dream about moving to the country, growing veg, simplifying, living a life more in touch with nature? Surely Roseability can have a little dream without being jumped on. I have similar thoughts about living in community and sharing resources and lives with others. I dont like the materialism i am surrounded by - and get sucked in to myself. Whats wrong with that?

No Roseability, YANBU. Im just off to put my rose tinted specs on - the world looks prettier that way.

matildax · 18/10/2008 10:45

cthea, am i satisfied??? no not really.
she was expressing an opinion, and wondered if others shared her point of view. she did not say...... "sod this life, im off to a better, perfect place"
she, imo was making references to a better community spirit, less greed, less materialism, less time running around trying to outdo each other in the mothering/financial or whatever stakes. she and i both agree, that the world would be a happier place, if people just stopped for a while, and were grateful for what we actually have got. how can that possibly be unrealistic??.

cthea · 18/10/2008 11:10

Fine, Matildax, let me know when you've found that perfect little tribe. Until then, allow me to think it's unrealistic. I too would like to see all those nice things happening. But Rosie wasn't just talking about less of this and more of that, she wanted an extreme of living which she'd idealised. OK, granted, things have moved on somewhat from that first post, but not for her. Just let me know if I need to be even more specific then this.

welliemum · 19/10/2008 11:19

The trouble is that IME people in remote communities need a clueless Westerner cheerily pitching up and announcing they've come to stay about as much as they need a cholera outbreak.

The days of dissatisfied Westerners barging in on close-knit communities and staying as long as it suits them are long gone, thankfully.

You could find your perfect remote tribe, but how would you handle it if they don't want you?

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2008 11:33

I think that roseability was talking more in theory than actually pitching up in a remote tribal region.
Why the angry responses? What's wrong with wanting to change society, or starting a debate on how we could improve our lives?

welliemum · 19/10/2008 11:40

But the OP isn't about changing our society or about improving our lives, that's the point, surely? It's about abandoning Western living and going away somewhere better.

Whereas I agree completely with Cory and others that the way to a better community is to take action right here, right now. We are society and each of us can make a huge difference.

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2008 11:46

I thought she was just expressing an idea than being dogmatic about abandoning our society

welliemum · 19/10/2008 12:04

I thought that too MrsRuffalo, at first, but later posts from her made me doubt that. I mean I didn't think she was literally off to find a tribe, but it seemed to me she was talking about rejecting Western society. Happy to be corrected on that, roseability, if you're still around.

I think it's terribly important not to idealise non-Western societies - it gets uncomfortably close to the "noble savage" ideas of the late 18th century and apart from being patronising, this sort of view can be very harmful when Westerners meet and deal with other types of communities.

So talking about the realities of life in a remote tribe is a discussion worth having I think, even if it's just a theoretical one.

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2008 12:15

Agree welliemum- the balnce for me would be to take the best of both worlds- each have their benefits.
Haven't read her later posts, must pay more attention!
For me, I admire the way everyone workds for the benefit of the tribe and they are in tune with nature in their food clothes etc
Ours-free healthcare and education, emancipation of women

lljkk · 19/10/2008 13:08

If OP is basing her idealism on Jean Liedloff, then she should read what some of academic Liedloff's critix think of the CConcept. I have my own baby to ignore benignly neglect, at the moment, but when I looked it up before I remember the following examples: About how all the children in Liedloff's utopian tribe have nicks and scars on their hands from 'playing' with knives from an early age, Liedloff praises her own tribe for the same things that she condemns in a neighbouring tribe, she completely omits some unpleasant aspects of their lives, etc.