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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
WorzselMummage · 16/10/2008 09:35

I'd have a word with the school and see if anyone else had mentioned it. It might be that someone has reported it before and he's just a harmless old man but for your piece of mind i'd definatly say something.

Carmenere · 16/10/2008 09:35

I am sorry but I don't class this as 'important'.

Kewcumber · 16/10/2008 09:35

sorry but what else are you proposing to do?!

Ring the police and say "there is a man sitting inside his flat looking out"!?

DevilishDisasterArea · 16/10/2008 09:35

because you have no 'evidence' you have to leave well alone. just carry on watching back.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 09:36

PAEDOPHILE not peadophile. Sorry, just had to get that out my system.

Yours is a good level response. If I were you, I'd pop into the school office and I'd say all that to them. I'd say, 'look it's probably nothing, but I've noticed this a lot recently, and it disturbs me but he is probably a totally innocent man bu just thought you'd tell them.'

That's what I'd do. Then they can go and check him out and make the necessary decisions.

tiredemma · 16/10/2008 09:36

'draw a paedophile'???

What does a paedophile look like?

My PC is in the kitchen window- its the only place that we could get the broadband wire.
I would sit on my arse at the PC all day if I had nothing else to do.

I think that you are over-reacting. But understandable.

Kewcumber · 16/10/2008 09:37

if paedophiles "look" a certain way - why don't they all get caught within 10 minutes? You'd think the police would have spotted that.

Rubyrubyruby · 16/10/2008 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:38

That is a fair point carmenere as it indicates that you think its something and notthing, as i suspect you are right. So not important really, but it got your attentioni

Exactly kewcumber, i mean, i am being over suspicious aren;t i - that is my honest opinion too.

OP posts:
kitbit · 16/10/2008 09:38

I'd probably mention it to the school and let them decide whether or not to take action.
It's very hard not to overreact to such things, but the times when we don't react are sometimes when we should have, it's very hard to get it right.

theSuburbanDryad · 16/10/2008 09:38

AFAIK, watching children + being a man does NOT = "peadophile". Also, being scruffy and looking out of your window is not, yet, a crime.

Go with your gut instinct. It's there for a reason.

loobeylou · 16/10/2008 09:38

Hmmmmmmmmm, well without being in your shoes it is hard to judge, but I have had similar experiences which have made me feel uncomfortable. Don't think there is a thing you can do about it tho, he's just sitting in his home watching the world go by. Would you be as concerned if it was a woman?

BetteNoire · 16/10/2008 09:40

So his crimes so far:
owning a computer.
having access to a window, and using it to look out of.
living near a school.
holding a book, but not reading it constantly.
being a man.

I'm not surprised he glares back at you.
I'd be annoyed it people stared into my home too.

Carmenere · 16/10/2008 09:40

He is more likely to be on mumsnet pretending to be yummymummy82 trying to make us talk about bumsex or donate money to him.
I agree mention it to the school if you are concerned.

Snaf · 16/10/2008 09:43
ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 09:43

Do mention it to the school, you don't have to be making an accusation. I think it's important actually that you don't allow the fear of appearing liking a hysterical loon stop you.

If he was hanging around on the street corner staring you'd tell the Head, right?

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:44

tired emma, what i should have said, that sadly, the poor guy looks like the stereotype creepy old man. Long unwashed hair, big black rimmed glasses - so a bit of a caracature of a peadophile and to my shame, i have noted that.

That reminds me of something funny actually tired emma - my PC used to be upstairs and i was writing my thesis so up there a lot - i would stare out of the window - we overlook a lot of back gardens - i must have upset a neighbour because one night, he came and showed me his bum!!! from his soon to be nursery window - I was quite embarrased as it was obvious taht they thought i was staring - i wasn't. What was even more embarrasing that i saw him in church a few months later, he always said hello - i obviously didnt recognise him from the front end - until i see him go into his house .

I am really loathe to say anything to anyone really - i am going to be walking past there every day - i might just observe, because if i say something he might find out that someone thinks he is a weirdo and that would be horrible. There is just a tiny what if, in my head

OP posts:
littlewhitebull · 16/10/2008 09:46

Christ almighty! What a paranoid country we live in now. If he was hanging around outside the school gates with a bag of sweets then maybe it'd be worth mentioning. As it is I think you are being ridiculously paranoid and you should stop looking into this man's window.

Maybe he just likes children. Men are allowed to like children. It doesn't make them paedophiles. The air of suspicion on all lone men makes me incredibly sad.

If an old lady was looking out the window every morning you'd probably think "aw, maybe she's missing her grandkids or reminiscing about when she had children".

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:46

carmenere - do you think i should march right up to his door and say to him, what can you tell me about bum sex? See how he reacts

OP posts:
Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:48

In my defense, the window is a bay, and he is sitting in it, he is pretty hard to miss - but I do have to confess to being a window starer - i can't help myself if there are no curtains i have to stare right in and weigh up the decor.

OP posts:
lazarou · 16/10/2008 09:48

By BetteNoire on Thu 16-Oct-08 09:40:00
So his crimes so far:
owning a computer.
having access to a window, and using it to look out of.
living near a school.
holding a book, but not reading it constantly.
being a man.

PMSL! I'm so sorry, that just made me laugh so much and I know this is a serious question em.

Would it be wrong to nominate that post for quote of the week?

Sorry

Snaf · 16/10/2008 09:49

EM - I can see you're really battling with this so I won't jump on you

But, what would you expect the school to do even if you did mention it? The guy is looking out of his window. That's all.

My computer is by a window. I sit here all day sometimes . If it overlooked a school I'd probably spend a massive amount of my time staring out of it, rather than doing whatever work etc I was supposed to be doing. I'm pretty scruffy and don't have nice curtains up, either

I realise that the difference is that I'm female but... what exactly are we supposed to be accusing this guy of?

macaco · 16/10/2008 09:49

PAEDOPHILE not peadophile

macaco · 16/10/2008 09:50

sorry, pedant attack

Snaf · 16/10/2008 09:50

[too many emoticons emoticon] Sorry.

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