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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
Boco · 16/10/2008 10:26

But I would like you to draw a paedophile please.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 10:35

Oh I could draw a paedophile. I am always surprised how, when one appears on the news, they always look like paedophiles - anorak, dodgy fly-away hair, thick glasses, odd grey coloured skin.

KimiTrickOrTreat · 16/10/2008 10:38

I think all you can do is make the school aware that you are worried, although in all fairness he is not really doing anything apart from sit at a window.
When I was about 11/12 there were a few elderly people living on our street that used to sit at their windows all day and I would wave to them on my way to school/shops and so on, when one of the ladies died her husband came out and said to me "thank you for waving at my wife it cheered her up, she loved to watch people go by"

ALTHOUGH saying that where my mother lives now the two blokes living next door with their mother are both perverts with a liking for young boys who have been locked up and let out more then once, and despite all the do-gooders and the "support" they are meant to have they still go and stand on the bridge over looking the school every morning play time and home time.
I do not let my children visit my mothers house unless I am with them and they do not go outside.

littlewhitebull · 16/10/2008 10:41

Really a hundred times? Or could it be that the cases shown on the news tend to fit the stereotype?

Most paedophiles are family members. Fact. They look like most average fathers/grandfathers/uncles etc. If we want to get paranoid about our kids being abused the people we should be most paranoid about are our friends and family!

MurderousMarla · 16/10/2008 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredemma · 16/10/2008 10:46

Exasperated- I was watching my neighbour on one side in the summer doing his DIY in the garden (nothing hot- he is about 70 and looked as if he was struggling)- I look over to my neighbour on the other side and there she was, fondling her partners balls in the garden- she looked up and caught me.
I ducked down- but she still saw me.

ahundredtimes- your description reminds me, I was walking through Bham city centre the other day and spot a man who I know has convictions for sex offences on children. Walking next to him was a man just as you described. I was at how 'stereotypical' he looked.

nailpolish · 16/10/2008 10:50

god what a shame
the poor man
for all you know he could be blind and his book is braille

how would you feel if this was your dad and people thought he was a wierdo paedophile?

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 10:51

Yes,is bizarre isn't it? I think there should be research done.

Though the sensible point about friends and family, true and sensible.

But we won't let that bother us. I demand research into the connection between sexually deviant behaviour and thick spectacles and fly away hair.

gagamama · 16/10/2008 10:56

Rindercella, the same thing happened to me, too. When I was about 11 or 12 and just started walking to school with my friends, we used to take a shortcut down a footpath which was overlooked by one house. When we walked past this guy would stand naked at his window exposing himself cough to make us look up, and then 'rub' himself.

Being none-too-streetwise 11 and 12 year olds, we thought this was hilarious (rather than disturbing) so it carried on for quite a number of weeks. Eventually one of my friends told her mum and we were all marched down to the police station for an excruciatingly embarassing round of interviews. Turns out they'd been after the guy for a while for other things (god knows what) and he ended up going to prison.

So, yeah. YANBU to keep an eye on him, but he's not doing anything wrong so there's you can do. The headteacher will be aware of any sex offenders living in the area, so I'd probably talk to the head about the man and he/she will take any necessary action.

onager · 16/10/2008 10:59

Seeker, good advice, but probably too late. The OP is bound to have mentioned it to one person already who won't be able to resist repeating it even if (perhaps especially if) she thinks it's mad.
The other mums won't do anything, but their DPs or children will be round there to smash his windows or spray paint his door.

fumf · 16/10/2008 11:01

I have an office window which is overlooked by a block of flats which are supported housing for 'vulnerable people', mostly with long-standing mental health illness or severe larning difficulties.
Two of the female residents spend all day staring out of the window at me. I am being stared at as I type.
But they are not staring at me, they are lost in their own world.

DaphneMoon · 16/10/2008 11:05

I think the OP is being a little over dramatic. Poor guy. This is how some men get accused of Paedaphillia (sp) when they are innocent. By all means keep an eye on the situation but he hasn't exactly done anything wrong yet has he.

Sycamoretree · 16/10/2008 11:10

I'd just let it go. I hardly think it likely he got the flat just because he knew he could stare at the school. It's just coincidence - he may be as happy starting out at a pub and watching the people come and go. A lot of people like to stare out of the window and people watch. If he were doing any more than that (taking pictures etc) then maybe you would have more reason to be alarmed, but try and put it out of your mind and move on.

TheProvincialLady · 16/10/2008 11:14

Now I remember, I used to sit for hours looking out of my sitting room window at the hedge behind. I was deliberatly looking at the birds and making no attempt to hide it. OMG do you think I could be a birdophile

Don't worry ladies, Bill Odie is on the way.

TheHedgeWitch · 16/10/2008 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ShiteStirrer · 16/10/2008 11:36

runs off giggling

wigparty · 16/10/2008 11:37

This kind of thing amazes me. You may be worried OP, but you have no evidence this man is doing anything wrong, unless looking out of a window, using a computer and not reading a book is a criminal offence

Unfounded speculation can ruin people's lives.

He may be up to no good, but how on earth do you know? With such a potentially thorny subject as this, you must leave well alone if you have no reasonable evidence on which to base your concerns.

bundle · 16/10/2008 11:39

parp

exasperatedmummy, you really do need to get out more

PoppyCoc · 16/10/2008 11:42

Yes, every man that you dont personally know is a peadophile

And what exactly does a peadophile look like? I didnt realise they all looked the same, shame the police dont realise this, it would make them so much easier to catch

Its people like you that stop people steppping in to help children when they need it. They're scared someone like yourself will cause mass hysteria and make wild unfounded accusations.

Get a grip FFS

Boco · 16/10/2008 11:42

or stay in more. as long as she keeps the curtains closed.

bundle · 16/10/2008 11:45

but boco, surely therein that way madness lies...

Divvy · 16/10/2008 11:48

i sit by my front window watching people walk past outside - while i breastfeed - what does that make me?

i have nets though

CrushWithEyeliner · 16/10/2008 11:53

I would let someone at the school know personally. You can all jump on me but I think form personal experience these things need to be kept an eye on - no harm done.

wigparty · 16/10/2008 11:55

Though I reckon there is harm done there Crush.

It's pointing the finger at someone without grounds (OP's description of what he does or doesn't do clearly shows there are no grounds!).

If she says something and word goes round, this man will have an awful time, it's just not right.

onager · 16/10/2008 11:57

no harm done

A victim of ignorance.

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