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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 16/10/2008 12:01

oh come on - I am not suggesting to let the street know but a quiet word with the head or dep head.

If I had time I would post the whole story about a very similar situation at my school. The man ended up assaulting one of the children. If only someone had reported who we all knew was a weird guy staring at the school for months on end.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 12:01

Well, I've been saying the same unfashionable thing as Crush. I don't think it is the same as vandalizing his house. If there is a guy who stares into a playground every day, then that is noteworthy. I don't think it is hysterical to observe that tbh.

lauraloola · 16/10/2008 12:07

Have a chat with the head of the school. Other parents may have noticed it. He may be innocent but its better to be safe then sorry.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 12:10

I want to hear how the dog walk went.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 12:10
onager · 16/10/2008 12:19

I am not suggesting to let the street know

Eddas · 16/10/2008 12:20

ISWYM op, we all know there's no 'typical' paedophile but there are people that make you I have the exact same feelings about a man that lives along my road. He's probably harmless, but he gives me the creeps. I once went to the ice cream van and he came out and was looking me up and down in a way which made me come back home and say to dh that I felt it needed a wash.

TBH if I were you'd i'd mention it in to the school. Or are there other parents who you could see if they've noticed too?

Gut instinct is there for a reason IMO

onager · 16/10/2008 12:21

are there other parents who you could see if they've noticed too?>>

And so it begins

Eddas · 16/10/2008 12:24

i don't mean go and poll the entire school to see if they've noticed, more do you have friends which may have noticed too, badly worded maybe, but if it were me, i'd ask my mum friends.

Maybe that's wrong but I would.

seeker · 16/10/2008 12:29

And before you know it a paediatrician is driven out of her home. Under no circumstances should you tell anyone that you are suspicioua of a man looking out of his window!

better to be safe than sorry - I beg to differ in this case!

wigparty · 16/10/2008 12:34

You're dead right Onager, and so it begins.

If you really are this worried, can't you monitor the situation (you sound like you're doing a pretty good job already ) rather than involve other parents and teachers and most probably starting some sort of panic which will only end badly.

Just put yourself in the position of this man if he is totally innocent.

And yes, I'm suggesting he's innocent because from what you've said, there's no reason to suggest otherwise!

Boco · 16/10/2008 12:36

But - it's not a man staring into a playground every day - he's in his HOUSE. He's not peering over the fence, hanging around the gate, limping about frotting against the railings - he's in his own home. As far as I know, from the window of your own home you can look at whatever the hell you want without people needing to inform a school!

Better safe than sorry - so what will the school do? The only thing they COULD do is inform the police - that a man is sitting in his window. And all they could do is go round and ask him if he's a pervert or not. Is silly. If he gets his penis out then fair enough, but he's at home, just sitting.

lauraloola · 16/10/2008 12:38

How would you feel if something did happen and you had said nothing?

I cant see how mentioning it to the school can be harmful. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then do it. The school will have means of dealing with it and investigating without anyone else knowing.

wigparty · 16/10/2008 12:41

I might report the man in my local shop as his moustache makes him look like a paedo, I've seen pictures of them, and he stares at the children when they buy sweets.

Is that okay?

WeeBesom · 16/10/2008 12:43

This has hit a nerve with me as my Grandfather is getting on a bit, barely leaves the house and guess what? He spends most of his day looking out of his window (granted he doesn't overlook a school but if he did I'm sure he would still look out!) people out there may think he is staring at them, watching them even and in a way he is watching them. He is watching the world go by because he doesn't have much else to do. He hates watching tv during the day because the noise irritates him and he just likes to feel part of the world by looking out of his window. Kids play in the street but it doesn't mean he is a paedophile.

It makes me angry that people can be judged looking out of their own windows

Boco · 16/10/2008 12:44

Oh bollocks.

I know some mothers who felt it necessary to report a man with learning difficulties who liked to sit in the park on his own. It's all that 'but what if..'. But what if you are wrong. It's still someones life, even if they look like a bad drawing. Get vigilant if he starts approaching children, until then it's based on nothing but a crap stereotype.

IorekByrnison · 16/10/2008 12:46

Hmm, tricky. Exasperated, could you show us your drawing of a paedophile? It may help us to decide whether or not this man should be kept away from windows.

seeker · 16/10/2008 12:47

Yeah right. You tell the school. The Head mentions it to the secretary. She mentions it to her friend. The next thing someone goes and puts a brick through his window.

Boco · 16/10/2008 12:51

The sweet group of old men who sit on the wall and watch the kids go past - I should really inform the school that they could be a paedo ring.

squiffy · 16/10/2008 12:54

Never mind weirdos in the community. We don't half have some funny types on here.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 16/10/2008 12:55

Sorry but this made me laugh.

For some odd reason I thought of that cbeebies show 'Louie'.

"Draw me a peadophile Louie''

"And then all we have to do is, colour him in!"

IorekByrnison · 16/10/2008 12:55

lol at TDWP.

PoppyCoc · 16/10/2008 12:56

I want to see the drawing as well Iorekbynison, I'm intrigued

memoo · 16/10/2008 12:58

the old lady acroos the road from me spends all day watching my children when they are playing out! She is just lonely and I think it makes her happy. Does that make her a paedophile?

Sorry but I think you are out of order!

IorekByrnison · 16/10/2008 13:00

Ah, found one. Is this your man?