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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
katedan · 16/10/2008 14:18

I can tell that most of you think the OP is over reacting but I just wanted to add that people who have an interest in watching children for sexual enjoyment will always find a way to be close to them either through their work or where they live!!! not to assume that all persons who live near schools or work with children are child sex offenders but I have to say some of his behavour type is worrying. You now have the right to find out if a convicted sex offender lives near your school so if you are REALLY worried you can approach the police although you might need some more evidence I don't think your OP post is out of order.

IorekByrnison · 16/10/2008 14:23

Have I missed something? What part of his "behaviour type" is worrying?

theSuburbanDryad · 16/10/2008 14:31

Argh! I'm sat in a bay window AND i'm on my computer!

Snaf · 16/10/2008 14:33

Which bit of his behaviour, katedan?

The 'using a computer' bit?
The 'looking out of a window' bit?
The 'lacking taste in curtains' bit?

nooka · 16/10/2008 14:36

I'm OK, my window is casement style, and my glasses have been thinned. Few! I don't have curtains in my kitchen and my hair needs cutting though. Is my behaviour type worrying? I look out the window all the time because I am bored bored bored...

nooka · 16/10/2008 14:37

No I think it is the "being an old man" type. I watched the US presidential debate last night. Now there is a scary old man...

katedan · 16/10/2008 14:38

Sitting all day staring at school children!!! The OP said he was staring intently (SP) at the school. I am sure there is lots of innocent reasons but unfortunatly there is also some less innocent reasons and I posted to say to the OP that if she REALLY had concerns then maybe she should raise them with the school or police.

beanieb · 16/10/2008 14:38

Leave well alone. Maybe he's working from home.

theSuburbanDryad · 16/10/2008 14:41

You know who else spend all day staring at school children?

Teachers!

Do you know who's statistically more likely to sexually abuse a child? I'll give you a clue, it aint the old man in his flat staring at children.

FGS i despair!

tiredemma · 16/10/2008 14:46

In Scandanavia they build the Old Peoples Nursing homes next to schools so that the old folk can sit and watch the tiddlywinks play all day long.

what do you make of that then?

Snaf · 16/10/2008 14:46

There is only one place in my flat where I can sit with my computer. It's by a window, and if that window overlooked a school I would be looking at the school for pretty much the entire day. Some of the time it would look as if I was staring 'intently'. Some of the time it would look as if I was pretending to do something else (like write an essay) when in fact I was gazing out of the window. Some of the time it would look as if I was scratching my arse and picking my nose.

None of these behaviours make me a sex offender.

What I love is the fact that the very people who get most screechy about suspected 'paedos' and suggest calling the police because a bloke is looking out of his own window, are usually the very same ones who whine about 'nanny states' and 'erosion of our civil liberties' and 'invasion of our personal privacies'...

Nbg · 16/10/2008 14:47

When my dd started school I noticed a guy that would walk towards the school just after drop off and pick up times.
He was quite scruffy looking and probably in his fifties.

I'll be honest, I thought he was quite dodgy and found it odd that he was there everyday, minus kids but at the school for those times of the day.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my dh who informed me that it must be his grandchildren that go to the school and he meets his dd to see the children there.

Its very easy to be suspicious I think and 9 times out of 10 there is nothing in it.
If you are seriously worried though you could mention it to the school.

spokette · 16/10/2008 14:53

And we wonder why there are fewer men entering the teaching profession.

fumf · 16/10/2008 15:02

''if you are REALLY worried you can approach the police although you might need some more evidence I don't think your OP post is out of order. ''

might need some more evidence..surely not!

[gah]

seeker · 16/10/2008 15:05

exasperatedmummy said that she sees a man staring out of his window at school drop off time.

% hours later Karedan says he is sitting all day staring at school children!

That is EXACTLY how rumours spread, and EXACTLY why exasperatedmummy should say nothing to anyone about this!

MorrisZapp · 16/10/2008 15:06

The world has gone mad.

This reminds me of something that happened to me once in a tube station.

There was a very well dressed lady walking up the stairs ahead of me, with her absolutely adorable looking daughter holding her hand. They were clearly ludicrously posh, and the daughter looked like something from a period drama - all long red ribbons, beret and classically tailored coat.

I looked at the wee girl admiringly, thinking 'awww, she's a smasher'.

Her mother looked at me doing this, gave me a truly filthy look, and jerked her daughters hand as if to say to me 'leave my daughter alone'.

I mean - wtf? Have we made it now so that finding children delightful or attractive in the most innocent and natural of ways is a blimmin crime?

As for letting the police know 'just in case', this is pointless. Either somebody is behaving suspiciously or they aren't. If they are, then the police are obliged to investigate. If they aren't then there's no case to answer.

Even in these insanely paranoid times I can't see our overworked police force finding the time to question a man for looking out of his bay window and having rubbish hair.

Fatbob · 16/10/2008 15:06

Im sat in by the window in my office, on a PC looking at the Prison, there are about 18 guys playing football. does that make me gay ?

Snaf · 16/10/2008 15:08

Yes, fatbob, it does. Apparently.

seeker · 16/10/2008 15:08

That's 5 hours later!

Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 15:10

If it unnerves you I'd go with your gut, although that said if noone ever talked about paedophiles then you may not have even noticed.

Fatbob · 16/10/2008 15:11

@ Snaf:

Cheers, had always had my doubts, but i guess there it is in black and white.

Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 15:12

Just out of interest when I was about eight a man looked at me and my friends when we were walking to the park with many older siblings and relatives and we felt he was strange..... turns out he was a child molester. We had no tabloid crazed minds just instinct.

Mumi · 16/10/2008 15:14

exasperatedmummy - I think as you're making jokes about it, it's not something you think is serious enough to report.
I wouldn't.

onager · 16/10/2008 15:18

For those who think just mentioning it to a few people is ok I have an experiment you might like to try (or not)

Get your friend to ask a couple of mums about YOUR DH. Get her to say something like "oh I just wondered if you thought her DH was odd around children. I don't have any reason to think he is - just a gut feeling"

Your friend won't have to say more than that and it can't do any harm according to some posters here - right?

I think you'll be amazed at the response.

Fatbob · 16/10/2008 15:22

Nonce Sense

locks kids in cabinet to keep them safe