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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:51

no, lazarou, i think that is definately a candidate - lol

Im glad to read the responses saying - get a life exmum, as i am pretty sure it is innocent. I do know someone who used to live in those flats, i might say to her does she know him - lmao, its probably her uncle or something.

I feel bad now - i hope he doesn't mumsnet

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 16/10/2008 09:52

FFS he is innocent until proven guilty. All you have shown so far is that he doesn't wash his hair very often or get out much.

Do you call the police every time a teenager with a hooded top walks by, as he might be the sort to mug you? Do you keep a 24 hour watch over the kitchen utensil section at John Lewis in case there are people who look like they might murder someone?

potoftea · 16/10/2008 09:52

But what good would talking to the school do? I don't understand.

He hasn't done anything wrong, and is in his own private place. Even if he does get some unhealthy kick from watching little kids play, well that's not harming the kids, and not against the law.
Schools, parents, and children need to be alert all the time to the danger of paedophiles, but unfortunatly they don't advertise their intentions and make it easy for us to spot them.

Surely paedophiles are very clever and don't draw attention to themselves, and therefore more dangerous. So the "weird" looking man is probably not as dangerous as the well dressed, charming one who no one would suspect.

TheProvincialLady · 16/10/2008 09:52

X posts

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 09:52

I don't think she is being hysterical or paranoid though. If she was saying I'm going to ring the police, then she would be.

I reckon that if this bloke is still sitting and staring in his window at lunch time play time then you mention it to the school. Go and check him at lunch time!

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:53

Snaf - i wonder if i need to add that to lazarous list of crimes "has shit curtains"

OP posts:
bran · 16/10/2008 09:54

But even if he is a paedophile, he's not doing anything wrong. It's not illegal to look out of your window, and whatever thoughts are going through his mind are his own business. In all probability he's looking forward to the noise dying down so he can concentrate on his book again.

It's not illegal to have thoughts of illegal activities IYSWIM, what is illegal is to plan, groom children, look at child pornography or otherwise act in a way which would harm children, and he's not doing any of those things.

I think you're being a bit hysterical TBH, no possible harm can come to children from being looked at as they walk along the street in the company of their parents or carers.

Rubyrubyruby · 16/10/2008 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:56

You lot have confirmed my feelings - i do feel a tad guilty now though. But i posted on here, i didn;t ring the vice squad

but he DID have really shit curtains

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 16/10/2008 09:56

"In my defense, the window is a bay"

pmsl

I know thats taken out of context, but never thought I'd hear any defence that relied on the shape of the window...

Snaf · 16/10/2008 09:57

He's probably thinking, 'Bloody hell, some of these mothers could make a bit more effort in the morning. I don't see a single school-run dress among 'em.'

chockypig · 16/10/2008 09:58

Why not check when the children aren't out playing ? If he's sitting there all day, watching the world go by, fair enough. If he just watches when the children are out, maybe (just maybe) you may be right to feel uneasy.
But I do think that watching children playing must be one of the greatest pleasures for many old people.

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:59

Maybe, he is a writer and he is looking for inspiration - he looks like a science fiction writer. Next time i see him im going to wave and ask for his autograph

OP posts:
Dreyfus · 16/10/2008 09:59

Men are allowed to like children. It doesn't make them paedophiles.

Simplysally · 16/10/2008 10:00

I don't see what harm he does if he's in the flat and the children are in the school playground. He might be disabled or unable to literally get out much and this is his way of getting a window on the world. The children should be adequately supervised whilst they are in school.

Or he could be plotting to steal a child but I think it's fairly unlikely. Surely a paedophile with nefarious intent would be trying to infiltrate children's clubs and so on rather than just looking at them play?

I agree it's a little creepy but it could all be innocent. I'm not sure whom you could report it to set your mind at rest .

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 10:00

Im going to take my dogs out - if he looks at them sideways, im calling the police .

OP posts:
BetteNoire · 16/10/2008 10:00

Heaven help him if he rehomes a couple of puppies.

Simplysally · 16/10/2008 10:03

Any cats gone missing recently?

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 10:05

OMG sally - don't, my mother really is hysterical and she has said to me more than once recently - oh, there are so many cats going missing, and one did go missing - from the flat upstairs!!!!! No really, it did

OP posts:
Simplysally · 16/10/2008 10:07

OMG - I was joking!

.

PuppyMonkey · 16/10/2008 10:14

Sorry, I have nothing much to add.. I just wanted to say this was a very entertaining thread...

Rindercella · 16/10/2008 10:17

This man is most likely innocent. But I am reminded of a man who, many years ago when I was about 15, used to masturbate at his window when we all came out of school. His flat overlooked the green outside the school and my God he was creepy. I probably didn't think too much of it at the time (had seen that many flashers when out horse riding), but looking back, it was definitely more than 'just' flashing. I suppose at least it was a senior school he was near.

I told my brother and one of his friends (who would've been about 18). They went and banged on his door to let him know that people were aware of what he was doing. Of course, we should've called the police! It was all quite, ahem, full on what he was doing.

TheHedgeWitch · 16/10/2008 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Boco · 16/10/2008 10:25

I wouldn't mention this to the school because looking out of a window and not concentrating on your book are really not crimes. There's nothing anyone could do, or should do.

It reminds me of Russell Brand talking about the papers screaming 'Pervs Eye View!' about a paedophile in a towerblock who can see a school from his window.

seeker · 16/10/2008 10:26

Do not mention it to anybody - particularly to anyone who lives in the same block of flats. Rumours spread like wildfire.