in stopping stepdaughters maintenance payments?

[postmanbob]

namechanged as don't want to be recognised.

DH has a DD(11) from previous relationship and we have 2 DC together, both pre-school age. We have a good relationship with SD and regular contact. My DH has paid maintenance every month without fail since the relationship broke up when SD was still a baby. We met a couple of years after that. Maintenance was agreed between them both and has not been an issue until now.

DH is in the construction industry and we have been hit hard this last year, his job is hanging on a wire and they have been as much as told to take it week by week.

I work very very p/t and my department have had trouble recruiting for a f/t job recently. Anyway, I spoketo my manager, they interviewed me and I have been offered the post. This means my DH will give his notice so he can care for our children. My new job is secure (NHS). The salary will be less than DH and mine but it is secure and we can survive on it.....but we will be unable to make the maintenance payments.

Does this sound dreadful or understandable? We are both very torn on what to do and I have to accept/ decline by Friday. I should add that it will not cause his ex finacial hardship......but I'm sure she will make a big fuss.

that you even think this vaguely ok.

ummm not in your situation so I don't know all the ins and outs but speaking as a daughter who was in a similar situation to your SD, stopping payments also sends a signal to her that she matters less than his 'new' family.

can u suggest other options carmenere?

Am shocked yes you are being very unreasonable - how do you know that this will not cause financial hardship for the mother which will have an effect on your SD?

It is again a post from a woman who thinks it is perfectly acceptable to put her children before that of her DHs first children/child!

don't really think you can tbh

If it is done through the CSA they will just recalculate the amount you need to pay according to your new joint income.

he does support her....he has always been there for her and she is welcome in our home wheever she pleases.

Why do you think it's ok for her dad to not pay towards the upkeep of one of his children?

do the csa take my income into account then?

If the money is not there, it cannot be paid

However, i'm with fio - you should still pay something (preferably as much as possible of the original amount)

Absolutely unreasonable.

How about you both work..

Absolutely unreasonable.

How about you both work..

Yep - they will take your income into account!

if your DH's job is really at risk of going, could you not see if you he can ageee a lower maintenance figure with his ex meaning you could take the more secure job (sorry I think people who say that she's being dreadful for thinking about it are being a little unfair for those that hadn't noticed there is a credit crunch and a lot of redundancies going on - and if her DH lost his job then the maintenance payments wouldn't be made would they??) and your SD's mother still get something

well, I guess if my DH gets made redundant then we will lose the house and everyone will suffer......thats what makes me think its vaguely ok, not ideal of course but not outside the realms of a possibility

just out of interest what does happen when the father is not working but also not elligable for unemployment benefits? what happens to the maintenance?

would they take his ex's new partners income into account as well?? we were thunking about a token payment....£50 a mth or something but it makes me cross that I am legally obliged iykwim

Why don't your children go to some childcare so that your DH can also work?

Is he paying more than he has to? Perhaps a compromise would be to reduce to the CSA amount if so.

You need to reassess what you as a couple need to pay and see if that is acceptable to your dsd's mother. But ffs, can you not see the problem in just dropping all payment? What kind of message does that send to the child?

I don't think the csa do take your wages into acount.

if you are the only one at work, then you may not legally be entitled to pay anyhitng, bu morally, imo, you are obliged to pay as much as you can.

you will have a reduced income, but you are not considering spending nothing on your own children, are oyu? so you should pay something towards the upkeep of your stepdaughter, too.

Thats wrong bubblerock - if the NRP has no income then they will pay no maintence. The NRP's partners income is not taken into account when calcualting maitence payments.

So legally you wont have to pay anything if your husband earn nothings. If he claims JSA or IS then you will have to pay £5 a week maintence.

But morally, yes YABU.

Completely and entirely unreasonable to stop the maintenance payments.

If you are looking for another way to save money, how about you stop buying food and clothing for one of your other children?!?!?

Now do you see how ridiculous you are being?