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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry for this baby?

108 replies

Onestonetogo · 05/10/2008 10:51

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OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 05/10/2008 10:54

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unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 05/10/2008 10:54

YANBU I think maybe you should a bit of a talk with her and well if that doesn't work you should report her to SS. You can't leave a 5 month old baby alone in the house whilst you go out in the evening thats insane.

UniversallyChallenged · 05/10/2008 10:54

yanbu it is plainly wrong on both counts - especially leaving her overnight

AbbaFan · 05/10/2008 10:55

Anyone that leaves a child alone all night is crazy. I can't beleive she actually told you that.

YANBU to be worried about the child.

Aitch · 05/10/2008 10:57

i wouldn't have a talk with her, tbh, there's no guarantee it will go in and all you'll do is flag yourself as someone who she can't be honest with. you'd better phone ss and then be around to gently help her with the inevitable fallout.

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 05/10/2008 10:57

I recently had the same probelm. When I read your post I thought it might even by the same mum!

In my case the mum droped round yesterday and as as my lively 10 month old sqished her arms very happily she pinched him back!! I was gobsmacked! Didn't know what to say so I ended the conversation quickly and got her out of the house without saying anything. Still not sure if to say anything as she finds motherhood very hard and is often low.

I spoke to my health visitor about her in the end and left the decision to her as to what to do next. I know it sounds like passing the buck but what else can you do?

HRHSaintMamazon · 05/10/2008 10:58

Be SURE you haven't just misunderstood her humour. I have repsonded to "who's having the children" with "no one, im going to gaffa tape them to their beds" before.

Clearly i do not do that, its just i have a bit of a warped sense of humor.

If she was serious then you need to contact SS. It may be that she just doesn't fully understand the reasons this is just not acceptable.
some people are so incredibly trusting they just don't see the dangers involved.

SS wont be horrid to her. more likley that they will speak with her about what she hasd been doing, place her on some parenting courses and try and get her to join a local surestart centre or something so that they can moniter her in a low key way.

But she does need some intervention as she simply cannot continue doing what she has been

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 05/10/2008 11:01

I would go to the Health Visitor first. SS won't do as much as you think and they may go to HV first anyway. Its the whole evidence thing.

everlong · 05/10/2008 11:06

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goldilocksandmylittlebear · 05/10/2008 11:08

Thing was she didn't actually do it......did she???

chloemegjess · 05/10/2008 11:09

OMG! If she is serious then you need to act ASAP. What if there was a fire in the house? Or somebody broke in? Or the baby did wake up and had nobody to come to him/her

But then I have thought to myslef on the odd occasions about how mad it is I have to wake up DD to do the 10 min school run. I would NEVER leave her on her own, but if I was thinking out loud to somebody they might think that I would iyswim?

Original poster
Onestonetogo · 05/10/2008 11:10

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OP posts:
HRHSaintMamazon · 05/10/2008 11:10

they would if they didn't see that it was wrong.
that is why i believe it is a case of a naive mum rather than willfull neglect.

Yes SS will get in touch with the HV to see if there are any other concerns. the same way they would get in touch with school if the child was older.

SS do not have teh funds to do as much follow up work as they would like which is why they will try and reffer mothers like this to their local sure start centre so that they can have the low key supervision and SS can be updated if needs be.

Original poster
Onestonetogo · 05/10/2008 11:11

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OP posts:
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 05/10/2008 11:13

In that case go to SS

WorzselMummage · 05/10/2008 11:20

I agree, she is neglecting her baby.

mrsalansugar · 05/10/2008 11:29

What this mother is doing is neglecting her baby. She may be feeling very low and struggling to cope. IMHO leaving her baby in unsafe situations in public view / telling people about it might even be a cry for help. Alternatively, she might not see the problem. Either way you need to give SS a call and speak to them about it (they will agree not to tell her who contacted them if you prefer). They will involve her HV andmake sure that she gets the help that she needs. How would you feel if you did nothing and something happened to the child?

chloemegjess · 05/10/2008 11:30

She sounds either like a)she doesn't have a clue OR b) She is a loon or c) she maybe has PND?

debzmb62 · 05/10/2008 11:37

i was on a married quater patch once and there was a young mum a few doors down i, id,t really know her at first but soon did !! i met her up the shops(25 mins away btw)
one day and asked were the baby of 4 months was and she said he was at home in his cot safe !! her hubby was away !!i asked her was anyone there with him she said no but he,s safe in him cot i could beleive it ! she was a very young mum i must admit but i went mad and explained to her its really wrong to do its dangerous and if ss or someone knew that she;d be in trouble big time she got upset bigtime ! we became close after that and when ever she went to the shops or anything i,d have her little one for her she honestly did,nt think it was wrong !! she also informed me she had actually did it before and even went into town one day leaving him at home !!now that was sit 24 years ago !god i,m old
ple speak to the mum in question ! and first explain its wrong /dangerous and take it from there

Aitch · 05/10/2008 11:42

oh yes, hv a better idea.

debzmb62 · 05/10/2008 11:46

ps it did turn out she was lonely and had PND and hubby was away for 5 months

pamelat · 05/10/2008 12:18

Like the others have said be sure that she isnt joking

When people ask me who has my DD when we are out, I often "joke" - "no one as she wont wake up" and obviously I wouldnt really leave her alone!!

kitsmummy · 05/10/2008 12:29

lots of single mothers have a hard time (I was one of them) but that's no excuse for neglecting a child like that. Inform HV or Social Services, your duty is to the child first and foremost

chloemegjess · 05/10/2008 12:32

Also, the lady wont know it is you as it could be somebody from down her road, who has seen this go on. To be hoesnt, I think if I saw a baby on its own outside next door or something I think I would call the police!

solidgoldbrass · 05/10/2008 12:36

ONly a generation ago it was considered OK to leave babies in prams outside. If her mother/grandmother/aunt did this she may think it's OK. (Ie not wilfully neglecting her baby, just a different view of parenting).