I wasn't sure where to post this and it's probably a vent rather than an AIBU but I have been thinking about this all weekend and need to vent somewhere. My sister had a baby girl on Saturday (her first) and she is unfortunately in the special care ward in an incubator She stopped breathing when she was born and had to be resuscitated and had oxygen for the first day of her life. She is also having to be fed through a tube and has a drip. She is getting better but I feel so sorry for the wee lamb and the difficult start she has had. I am obviously aware that it's a difficult time for my sister, she is separated from her baby and is worried if she will be OK. But I guess I am posting here due to the many mixed emotions I am feeling as my sister smoked heavily throughout her pregnancy. I can't help but wonder if the baby is having breathing and lung problems because of the smoking and that's making me feel pretty angry towards my sister. She said she was going to give up when she found out she was PG but she didn't, despite me trying to encourage her, pointing out the risks etc. Yes I totally understand it's an addiction (I am an ex-smoker myself from years ago) but to still smoke when PG really gets me. I spoke to her about it again only a few weeks ago as she said she didn't think she would breastfeed because she would still be smoking when the baby is here (!), and I asked her if she actually wanted to quit to which she said 'no'. I find that quite unbelieveable, it's not that she wants to quit but can't, but more that she enjoys smoking and doesn't actually want to stop.
What really got me I think though was that after we gazed at the little baby (also low birthweight & 2 weeks early) covered in wires and tubes, and having a tube forced up through her nose and down her throat, my sister and her bloke then went outside the maternity ward for a fag.
I didn't say anything to her despite screaming inside as I know she has so much on her plate anyway with her baby being so poorly, but aararrrarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just think it's very selfish and would have thought that seeing your baby all hooked up would be enough to make you think it's really time to quit. Yes she will be stressed and is perhaps using cigs to cope but I am so angry- AIBU???? I'm sure some of you will think I need to butt out and keep my opinions to myself but fair enough if an adult wants to kill themselves with fags but when you see a tiny defenseless baby who can't have that choice, well it's truly awful. They are going to keep smoking at home too despite SIDS research.