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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish that people wouldn't say - I want a boy/I want a girl!

196 replies

LouMacca · 25/09/2008 14:56

Just be happy that you are pregnant!

I was really annoyed to see newly pregnant Jules Oliver saying that Jamie wants a boy.

I can't imagine how infertile couples or women who have lost a baby must feel when they see this kind of comment.

My mum told me how 'devastated' the builder working at their house was when a scan revealed that they were having another boy (they have 3 boys). Devastating!!! I would imagine that not being able to get pregnant or losing a baby is devastating.

OP posts:

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 17:48

Going off in a tangent here but I find it a bit annoying when people say, Oh, 3rd baby - was it planned? As if anything after 2 is abnormal.

Szyslak · 26/09/2008 17:51

So....I'm a sickening boring idiot?

Isn't there something on here about personal abuse, and aviodance of???

TheFallenMadonna · 26/09/2008 17:52

Oh Quattro - I kind of wanted a boy first time. But I think only because I was absolutely sure of a boy's name and was umming and ahhing over one for a girl. Second time I didn't really care. Was happy with both name choices

I don't have weird breast issues though.

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 17:58

Syz
YAWN,YAWN,YAWN.

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 17:58

You can avoid it be going away.

chefswife · 26/09/2008 18:01

i was convinced i was always going to have a boy first. it is what i wanted and he would have been my dad's namesake as well. i'm not sure where it comes from, this almost desperate want for a certain sex. when we were told that the baby was a girl, i was a little disappointed and it took a few days of my telling myself that it doesn't really matter. healthy is important. and when i found out a woman i know (that is being induced today actually) was having a boy, there was a twinge of jealousy. i had to check myself. i don't care now. i can't wait to see her. DH was very happy we were having a girl. i reckon though if you have loads of one gender, wanting the opposite would be nice to round out the family.

a study in Canada said that 2/3'a of woman who give birth to a boy suffer from PPD opposed to only 1/3 who give birth to a girl. hmmm. interesting.

mrsshackleton · 26/09/2008 18:02

fwiw I am sure the olivers know they're having a boy or they wouldn't have gone on about it so much
And good luck to them, I think it's entirely normal to express a preference, they will still adore whatever they get as virtually everyone does
Two of my best friends are ttc. Am I meant never to have even the tiniest moan because my dcs have been up since 5am/ shat on the floor/ snapped my favourite piece of jewellery in half? Am I meant to only say "oh, I am blessed to have these dcs and therefore my life is perfect" so as to not hurt their feelings? Of course if I were saying I wish they'd never been born/ruined my life that would be different but I think it's patronising to be soooo careful of someone who's ttc feelings. They are rational humans too ime not pieces of precious china.

loobeylou · 26/09/2008 18:08

blue butterfly, yr stats on prob of girl or boy births were interesting,have not seen anything that detailed before - but still we teach that it is 50:50

sample Q

if a couple had 3 girls and were pg again would their chances of having a boy be
A 25%
B100%
C 0%
D 50%

the answer we are looking for is D

bronze · 26/09/2008 18:09

I get more peed off with those who say to you in a pious way ' I don't care what I have as long as its healthy'.
Because all those with a preference for a gender would much prefer an unhealthy child of the right sex rather than a healthy one of either sex.

bronze · 26/09/2008 18:09

meant at the end there

HeinzSight · 26/09/2008 18:54

Chipmonkey, just wanted to add what a good post.

chefswife · 26/09/2008 18:55

i disagree. i now just want a healthy baby. i'm not hung up on gender anymore.

HeinzSight · 26/09/2008 19:58

chefswife, are you Jules???????????????????

Doobydoo · 26/09/2008 19:58

Agree with op.I My daughter died at 3 weeks old.I now have 2 boys.Couldn't have cared less what sex they were.

LittleMyDancingForJoy · 26/09/2008 20:13

Gosh, well, I was an accident after four brothers and sisters. My parents didn't want a baby at all, let alone boy or girl. I must be really screwed up by that one

Or I could see it as it really is, which is that no, they didn't want another baby, but that once I was here they loved me just as much as my brothers and sisters.

People saying 'I'd like a girl' don't mean 'I'd like a girl and I'm not going to love a boy AT ALL, in fact I'm going to give it away'

They know they don't have a choice so whatever they say is irrelevant

They know they'll love their child whatever it is

They're just picturing it one way or the other. Normal human behaviour.

aquariusgirl · 26/09/2008 20:30

why do people need to know the sex before the birth anyway - I wanted the surprise on the day. It is like opening your Christmas or birthday presents before the actual day bizarre imo

Original poster

LouMacca · 26/09/2008 20:41

Wow, I really did open a can of worms with this thread didn't I?

Thanks for all the replies, some have given me food for thought.

When I open a magazine and see someone saying that they want a boy rather than anonther girl I think I have every right to have an opinion on it. I think its unfair to say that I don't know what I'm talking about because I have a boy and a girl. Like everyone else I have close friends who have been through fertility problems, miscarriage and know the pain of a close friend having a stillborn baby girl.

greenlawn, you make some really good points and pagwatch I have seen you on other threads and I think you do speak a lot of sense.

Its good that most of us can give our views without resorting to abuse.

OP posts:

muppety · 26/09/2008 21:23

Chipmonkey well said.

I have 3 lovely ds but would have loved a dd. Whilst I would not swap them for any number of girls there will always be a yearning in me for a daughter . Its not about pink and ballet but much more about raising a girl and the mother/daughter relationship.

FWIW I belive parenting boys and girls is a very different experience and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have the opportunity to try both. Also if ds2 had been a girl I would never have understood how intense these feelings could be.

HOWEVER it bugs me that people like to assume and tell how I feel. I was at school recently when a woman (with 2 girls) came and told me how upset I must be and of course I could try again. She was giving me lots of sympathy! Apparently she would have been gutted had her dd2 been a boy. Needless to say she is not on my christmas card list.

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 22:39

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 22:41

And you have so backtracked with your last post.FFS.

shoedweller · 26/09/2008 22:46

I don't think you've back-tracked at all.

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 22:48

"When I open a magazine and see someone saying that they want a boy rather than anonther girl I think I have every right to have an opinion on it."

Ahem Excuse moi - me thinks she did backtracl ALOT.

Original poster

LouMacca · 26/09/2008 22:54

bloomingfedup - ffs how have i backtracked??

OP posts:

bloomingfedup · 26/09/2008 22:58

You've posted in my language????? You mean you've ran to miss and are a snitch.

Can't be bothered to try and have a debate with you as you just take the high ground and make snide comments. Pah. Exit blooming.
It was a stupid post in the first place BTW.

Original poster

LouMacca · 26/09/2008 22:58

bye then x x

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