to wish that people wouldn't say - I want a boy/I want a girl!

[LouMacca]

Just be happy that you are pregnant!

I was really annoyed to see newly pregnant Jules Oliver saying that Jamie wants a boy.

I can't imagine how infertile couples or women who have lost a baby must feel when they see this kind of comment.

My mum told me how 'devastated' the builder working at their house was when a scan revealed that they were having another boy (they have 3 boys). Devastating!!! I would imagine that not being able to get pregnant or losing a baby is devastating.

Saying all that stuff on Mumsnet is a bit different though, as most of us aren't known to anyone else in real life, and so it's not "out there". Saying it to the national press where it will be on the record forever isn't very bright in my opinion. Even though it's true that the whole gender thing is usually a bit of a red herring, and when the child arrives they have their own unique personality.

We have one DD and are expecting another, and DH has already been asked if he's "OK" with another daughter and asked if we'll have another so that we can have another go at getting a boy "for him" . No-one seems to care what I think! Or maybe they have decided that I have a magic gender-selecter in my uterus and have had two the same on purpose.

There's always someone worse off than you and you can't spend your life not expressing any desires, hopes, dissapointments etc, because it might upset someone who has less, or has greater misfortunes surely?

There's a local nutter woman with more money than sense, who paid to go abroad and have IVF for gender selection for a girl. She has a number of boys and was in the paper with them talking about how desperately she wanted a girl. (WTF?) She couldn't wait to be pregnant- didn't seem to occur to her than IVF isn't guaranteed. Anyway it didn't work first time, (small bit in the paper). This was followed by some more interviews and pictures of her and her boys and some more column inches devoted to how desperate she was for a girl, and some more IVF- which this time was successful.

The articles made me feel vaguely ill really. Lining up her boys for photos with paragraph after paragraph of how boys were ok but she couldn't be happy without a girl.

The icing on the cake when we had a second girl was knowing that my FIL had been "praying for a boy". He told this to my SIL who was hurt that her sons didn't count (wrong surname) and presumably (being a girl) she had never mattered. And we had lost a baby at 25 weeks, so it was particularly insensitive. No harm in the parents wishing one way or another, but everyone else should keep their traps shut it.

Personally when I was going through my mcs that comment did make me upset, along with 'I cant wait to get this baby out' at something like 32 weeks, I felt like shouting you dont know how lucky you are to carry that long. So I know what you mean. But I was mainly going through the angry stage of my bereavement. I really think most people dont mean much by the comment, of course above all most just want a healthy baby and they are just stating a preference, sometimes its just a talking point. I now have two boys and part of me thinks a girl would be nice next time but I am well aware I would just be lucky to have a third whatever gender

I agree with op, i get royally pissed when people continually assume I must want a girl cos ive got boys, and then ask if i am disappointed at the fact ds3 is a boy.

Did i miss the tablet you can take to get the sex you want or is it still left up to mother nature, the reason to have children is NOT to have a particular sex in my eyes that is wrong-you have children cos you want a family/bigger family.

How will the olivers child feel if it is a girl and sees that comment in later life.

Having a preference during pregnancy is quite normal for some people. It normally evaporates after the birth, whatever the sex of the baby. I suppose you build up a picture of what your baby is going to be like, and it would be hard to do that without imagining gender.

What does get my goat is when someone announces they're having a girl and starrts twittering on about how great it will be "to be able to buy little dresses and stuff" - little girls are not dolls and they don't all like dressing up!

Every child is unique. My friend has 5 girls, they are so different.

Goodness me the little girl in your story jimjam has a lot to live up to!

so what if someone wants four children, has three and will be devasted if they don't get pregnany again? Is that allowed, as some people can't have any? If dh doesn't get a promotion and is devastated, is that okay as some people don't get jobs they apply for? It's precisely because children aren't accesories that some of us have a preference. Raising a boy is different to raising as girl, and it does affect your life to have one sex or another.

YANBU I am simelar to Loobeylou, I had 2 DD and then DD3 was stillborn at nearly 24 weeks. After that I had twin DSs and people said 'now DH has a boy, bet DH was desperate etc' MIL when we told her that DD3 was going to be a girl and also had severe problems on the scan said 'poor daddy,' more bothered about the gender than whether DD3 would make it, sadly she didn't. We also have recently lost another DD at 20 weeks and are now pg with we think a DS. People still ask which we 'prefer' and I am honest and say so long as it survives I don't care, both are great. I have friends who said they would be devastated if the next baby was a boy (after having 2 or more boys) and I just nod and smile trying to understand but I just don't get it. A quiet preference maybe but surely devastated is abit OTT.

Message withdrawn

Of course Jamie wants a boy, he's got two beautiful girls, what's wrong with him wanting a boy he can do blokey things with?

I have two darling DSs, it doesn't stop me from dreaming of having a girl (not likely, but it doesn't stop me from dreaming, and being slightly envious of my friends who do have a DD). It doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate how lucky we are to have our two lovely DSs.

YABU - what is the makeup of your family, you're not a smug mum of the "perfect" boy and girl combo are you?

Think you are going of the subject slightly there Onestonetogo!! Hardly the same as expressing a political preference IMO.

I find some of the comments about not not saying something in case offending other people rather insulting. Does anyone really think that me and the others who have told their story on here are offended when people state a preference? Certainly not! Do you really think that we think by stating you have a preference that you don't want a healthy child? No way!

I find it highly amusing that the worst thing someone has to deal with in life is to find out they are having the wrong sex!

What I do think is offensive is people's assumptions of what you want, when they don't take into consideration what you have been through. I'm hearing "I bet you're hoping for a boy" all the time. Well no, actually, I'm not hoping for a boy a baby would be nice 2 out of 4 pregnancies going to viable is what I'm hoping for. I like girls as it goes and would like to have another one, but it's not the end of the world if it's a viable boy. As someone else said for people to think I want to "balance" my family is insulting to my other children, my daughter who died and my stepsons.

Another case of if you haven't been there don't try to stand in my shoes! TRUST me, you don't want to stand in my shoes. Remember the words of Bob Dillan "Thank God it's them, instead of you!"

helpfornot - my problem is stating that Jamie wants a boy to the press. I just think its v. insensitive.

Yes, I have a boy and girl but certainly not smug. They were conceived after 3rd attempt of IVF and I would have been happy with any combo!

A preference maybe but surely devastated is abit OTT is how I feel. I think putting it in the paper is risky as the baby if a girl may feel inferior in the future. I know alot of people who still mention that their parents actually wanted the other sex when expecting them, people don't forget that kind of thing.

Message withdrawn

Blimey, I'm smug and shallow now

What a lot of people are still not getting is that it may well be OK for them to have a private prefernce for either a girl or a boy, for whatever reason. I would have some sympathies for example with someone who was going ahead with an unplanned pg hoping for the same sex they already had on the grounds it would be cheaper with all the hand me down clothes and toys!

However, it is NOT ok to make jokey off the cuff comments about what you THINK/EXPECT other people to prefer, esp when YOU DO NOT KNOW THEIR HISTORIES

the worst ever comment (loads of times from loads of different people) was "third time lucky eh!". Wrong - 3rd time we had another girl and she died. The only reason we have our wonderful son is becasue we were brave enough to try again.

also on another related point, there is a lady in the area with 7 girls and a boy. the local papers have covered about the last 3 of her babies births, the 7th girl they even gave her the names they had chosen for a boy (well the feminine versions) thinking they would never have the boy they wanted. The house is full of press cuttings. HUGE (national)coverage when they finally had their boy. Are you telling me that some of those daughters are not growing up feeling they were not really wanted and are somehow not as good as their brother?

what I also intended to add at the end of that post was - to all those who are ttc/pg after losses, good luck to you all and hope your girls or boys are all OK, I KNOW what a hard stressful worrying time this is for you

I was annoyed and in a rush it was the first Bob that entered my head.

Prehaps they are just being honest? YABU.