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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

really fed up

177 replies

bovverred · 24/09/2008 09:47

with everytime someone produces another disruptive, out of control, violent, rude etc etc etc child the pc brigade give them a condition, and name. whatever happened to just plain naughty and needing disipline. makes me soooooo blody angry.

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Combustiblelemon · 24/09/2008 12:23

Psssstt!!

ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 12:24

I certainly don't give in to him!

shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 12:25

Sorry that last post reads like a bit of a rant but this topic really gets on my proverbials

ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 12:25

So a badly behaved child = shit parenting and a well behaved child = good parenting in your opinion?

shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 12:30

The people who a doing a mediocre job with their kids are obvious as they will invent or magnify issues that absolve them and their child of any culpability. That is not the same as a parent who is stuggled with a temperamental child and is actively reviewing and introspecting on their parenting. There are too many people who fall into the first catagory and not enough in the second IMO

mamadiva · 24/09/2008 12:31

PSML at combustiblelemon I did think that for a bit actually but think she is a regular so not a troll just a twat!

Think that possibly just a total pillock who's children are obviously the best behaved in all the land wouldn't you know.

Here's some news for you children do have personalities unless theya re supressed of course then they probably would fabulously dull and not allowed to do anything. You speak shit and I reckon you know it my child is badly behaved so what I've always looked after my DS to the best of my abilities and there's nothing more I can do about his behaiour can I.

bovverred · 24/09/2008 12:39

3 children. all with their own personalities. 8, 12 and 15. they respect other human beings and when not it they get told off at school i make sure the teacher knows i am on his/her side and none of this oh my soandso would never do that you are victimising him. i feel sorry for teachers today, they have to put up with the scum of the earth and their families and they get know support. yes, it is bad parenting, perhaps if mum/dad where to spend more time with kids not just spending money time but real time we might all get somewhere. me thinks some of you do protest to much, and hould take a closer look at the lives you lead. why am i a twat, i have an opinion, do i call you a twat for having your opinion. you are the sort of person i am talking about.

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bovverred · 24/09/2008 12:40

when not if they get told off at school

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ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 12:41

You have such a simplistic view on this bovverred. Bad child = bad parenting. Life isn't so black and white.

bovverred · 24/09/2008 12:44

where does a childs life begin then? children learn from an early age and from the parents or carers.i think we need to take control or we will see things getting much much worse with the youth of today.

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shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 12:45

Bovverred- I think what you are talking about is accountability and not consistantly making excuses but you are being a bit overly forthright in your approach

shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 12:46

By the way- I have really strong feelings about this too- particularly as a teacher

ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 12:47

Sorry didn't understand the first part of your last post. Who was that in ref to?

mamadiva · 24/09/2008 12:48

LOL this really is sad so we are all awful parents and you are all holier than thou yeah okay.

I spend plenty of time with my son have no money to go spending all the time so quality time only apart from the odd spend which isn't often but hey ho keep up your little single minded virgin mary act.

But don't degrade people because their kids don't behave it's not all down to parenting you know like I said though I hope your kids don't end up 'scum of the earth' when they are older as does happen BTW we cant be having you putting a foot wrong now can we?

Seriously see the world for what it is not what you think.

bovverred · 24/09/2008 12:49

thanks sfth. i get very cross and just say what is on my mind. you deserve a medal for teaching, well done.

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mamadiva · 24/09/2008 12:51

I do agree that to many people want to get their kids a name for why they don't behave the HV suggested possible ADHD to me but I don't think he has it and he is far too young to know anyway.

I don't agree that badly behaved children are caused by bad parenting only, I have seen kids who are justr animals because the parents are reduced to jittering heaps with nerves, I have worked with kids who are just general animals and some of them have bad parents but most have decent parents.

shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 12:58

Don't deserve a medal- just have seen a lot of kids in Mainstream schools and the EBD (Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties) sector who have parents that don't accept that the way that they have parented has contibuted in any way to how their children have turned out. There is a lack of culpability in many parents. You are unlikely to find that on a parenting website as obviously many of the parents here will be reviewing their parenting skills all the time and for that reason use MN as a sounding board.

This said, I know personally many parents who DO NOT want to take a hard line with their LO's simply because it IS hard and then look around for something or someone to blame when they do turn in to little shits.

peacelily · 24/09/2008 12:59

Working as a senior practitioner in CAMHS we get 60% referrals for behaviour and yes I'll be honest I do get fed up with the same old same old over and over again, not least because it makes the job boring and frutrating.

However, I would NEVER refer to nay f my families as scum of the Earth, they come from areas of high social deprivation, community fragmentation, they've been in care themselves, experinced domestic abuse, have LD themselves or and this is a big one, undiagnosed, ongoing PND that has affected the attachment with their child.

Sometimes we do have to be quite direct in our communication with them but it's about empathising and reaching a shared formulation of the childs problems. And with kids who're old enough to understand I'll be direct with them too about how undesirable their behaviour is!

ADHD and ASD exist with all sorts of shades of grey in between, it's overly simplistic to say "it's all down to bad parenting". I've seen families with 2 children adopted from 2 separate families, excellent parenting, one an angel, one very "challenging" there's all sorts of other factors like genetics, inherent temperament etc. that influence a child emotions and behaviour.

As for teachers, well there's good ones and bad ones all stuck in a difficult system. I communicate with teachers all the time and for every one that's kind, empathic and creative there's one who's horribly judgmental and downright unprofessional, unfortunate but true.

bovverred · 24/09/2008 13:05

just more excuses and more names. yes pnd does exist but its not an excuse. some people are poor, but it is not an excuse. fgs,

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ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 13:09

I'm guessing from your last post you've never suffered from PND then bovverred. What a ridiculous comment to make!

shootfromthehip · 24/09/2008 13:09

Totally right in everything you say Peacelily but there are also lots of horribly behaved kids in mainstream schools who are from 'middle-class' (hate to use that term as I know I'll get shot down for it) families who are deprived of nothing except dscipline and respect.

I have worked with kids who have nothing and get very little support from their families and these kids are very much products of their circumstances. As a result they will always get 100% commitment from me as their teacher because very often there is no-one else to help show them alternatives to the lifestyle that they are in.

However, I cannot begin to tell you how horrible it is to look at a child who is allowed to behave inapproriately and this is then condoned by their parent or even worse, it is excused by them.

bovverred · 24/09/2008 13:13

no it is not, its just another excuse. oh mums got pnd so kids can run wild. mums poor let kids run wild. etc etc etc. dont you think people had problems years ago. how many kids stabbed each other then? how many kids showed no respect then? people had morals and respect for each other. old fashoned maybe, but it worked.

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mamadiva · 24/09/2008 13:13

bovverred I hope to god you don't have a daughter, or if she ever gets PND will you ridicule her for that, have you not seen the effects?

Some people reach a stage where they can't deal with their children with the simplest of tasks never mind bad behaviour I'm sorry but if I see someone who has PND and their child is behaving badly I'd try and support them not demean them as it's clear you would.

ComeOVeneer · 24/09/2008 13:16

Yes it is. PND can be all consumming. It isn't an excuse it is a reason/explanation as to why the parenting may not be up to your "oh so unrealisitc high" levels.

MarlaSinger · 24/09/2008 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.