To detest the term "Precious First Born" AKA "PFB" bandied about on MN with such a negative connotation

[susiecutiebananas]

Firstly as it implies that only your first baby is precious and all subsequent ones are dragged up... without the book

Secondly, that is used so negatively far too often and used against people who are actually, just concerned about their child, or about their parenting decisions- regardless of their place in the sibling queue. It simply is not relevant.

Lastly, the way that it is used so patronizingly. With the implication that just because you have only one child ( so far...) that you have no common sense or experience with regard to bringing up children.

OK, I know it is also used in an endearing way too. I just desperately dislike it. It really annoys me.

erm... that was all really!

Of course there are millions of common sense and laid back parents of first borns and onlys. I have some friends who are brilliant illustrations of this. Also some who manage to be quite precious about their second and third child too.

But then IME it's not usually when someone is displaying their common sense that the term PFB pops up on Mumsnet.

PFBness is something most of us have been guilty of at some stage and it can be quite endearing.

But what I might call EPFB - Extreme PFBness-does deserve a little light fun-poking because it is usually tied up with the idea that this particular child is more precious than any one else and that other people's needs and convenience should be sacrificed as a matter of course. That is not a healthy attitude.

Examples of extreme PFBness I remember from my own circle is a new father going off in a huff because he was asked to change his 6 mo babys' nappy in the bedroom rather than coming downstairs to the bathroom and waking up some elderly guests. He thought she would feel unloved and not at home if she was being turfed out in this way; he felt she might sustain emotional damage. Now that to me is being EPFB.

Also, when another parent took her baby to the GP when he first developed a slight snuffle ('he might get an ear infection'). A moment's reflection should have told her that there might be other children out there who needed that appointment more.

And I remember a miserably cold summer when I sat shivering outside most of the time because my toddler had poked a younger child in the eye and its parents would not let them be together unless I could guarantee that this did not occur again. So instead we sat and shivered.

Likewise when a parent of a new school child cannot understand that the teacher needs to give as much attention to each one of the other children too.