To detest the term "Precious First Born" AKA "PFB" bandied about on MN with such a negative connotation

[susiecutiebananas]

Firstly as it implies that only your first baby is precious and all subsequent ones are dragged up... without the book

Secondly, that is used so negatively far too often and used against people who are actually, just concerned about their child, or about their parenting decisions- regardless of their place in the sibling queue. It simply is not relevant.

Lastly, the way that it is used so patronizingly. With the implication that just because you have only one child ( so far...) that you have no common sense or experience with regard to bringing up children.

OK, I know it is also used in an endearing way too. I just desperately dislike it. It really annoys me.

erm... that was all really!

P.s. I can win the best PFB story!

My SIL wouldn't let me push the pram that her newborn ds was in as only db and her were allowed to push it

I challenge anyone to beat that....

I love the term PFB

it describes the parent who over-worries, over-emphasises every little step .. it describes the parent we all were in the early stages of first child .. even those of us who were laid-back had these traits

it is self-referential

it is funny

and I think people who take offence should remove the sticks from their butts personally

personally I detest the boring whinge-fest that mumsnet is becoming

FFS, stop whinging, twigg!

Sorry but I love the saying.

well you know what I mean MB .. it's 'AIBU' this and 'AIBU' that

grrrr

yes YABU .. stop feckin' whinging and get on with it

grrrr

oh miss, she's patronising me because she has more / older children than I have and I feel belittled .. but honestly he did a green poo and that can't be right, can it?

Part of me wonders why people ask for advice from mothers who have already been through a particular stage, if they then turn around and stay, 'How dare you patronise me, because I'm a new mum'

Either they think other people might know more about the situation than they do, or they don't.

and if they don't, why bother asking?

well doh .. it's 'cos they got PFB innit?

Twiglett- thanks for that

I was being vaguely light hearted about something that I have seen being used in negative way. Thats all.

For the last ( or probably not) time on this thread, I have NO ISSUE with it when it is used in the way you describe.

I do not have a stick to remove from my arse either thank you. I've never had it said to me. I've seen it said to others and do not appreciate the negative, patronizing undertones of it. As i've already stated.

I do not whinge, I do not complain. EVER on MN. I've never even started a thread like this. I did so, wanting to have a reasonable debate about something that irks me.

There really was no need for you posts being so sharp, and unpleasant. You could have made your point and opinion easily known, without having to resort to that. I've always really like your posts, and respected you. I am actually quite surprised really. I didn't think anything I've said warrants being made to feel bad about it.

The other thing about it, is that everyone with one child gets tarred with the same brush. You know, not every one with one child loses their common sense, or rationality or well, anything else.

tinkerbelle I didn't think that Abby's comment was aimed at you lovely. and I didn't know you were expecting again! I can understand your fears. We've nattered about little babies before as Isobel was prem too. Best of luck with every thing.

oh and abbeyA - thank you. you took the thread in the way it was intended.

I wasn't aiming my comment at anyone in particular. The whole thread just seemed to have gone pear shaped and it was on to babies being precious, and some people either didn't understand the term PFB or they only read the later comments.It was nothing to do with the baby, it was to do with the mother. I expect I would have been irritated by the term when I was a first time mother, it is only when you look back that you can see what you were doing!

Cross posted there without reading your comment susie, I am glad that I got it right!

My opinion of the term varies depending on the "tone" its used. I really dislike it when it used in a sneery way and commonly used to put people down. I rather like it when its used on a flippant amusing way and particularly when used against oneself.

I don't find sneering particularly edifying and PFB is often used in that context.

DS is very precious, my first but not born to me so it doesn't techincially apply. However now that my lairy toddler is trying to cuddle all the new babies much to the alarm of their mums, I do smile to myself. However wouldn;t dream of saying to them "oh he/she's your PFB" it would be offensive IMO and is when used in the same way here.

I'm really not sure that IVF children are "more" special, I think they are usually planned for longer, wiated for longer, often to older paretns who realise that will limit the size of their family and sometimes that can mean they make more of a conscious effort to enjoy the small things - you never take for them granted because you know they may never come along again.

Sorry if I got a little defensive. I did finish my first post answering the thread in what I think was the way you're saying it's posted.

I don't think that anyone who hasn't gone through a hard time to have their baby can really say what it's like to be there. It's not just IVF, it's difficulty conceiving, multiple miscarriages, neonatal death, prematurity etc. Everytime I hear someone complaining about what their baby does or complaining that they don't fit in with their life it makes me so cross because that's what I appreciate about my daughter. I don't suppose I love her or want her any more than if my first baby had carried to term, but I appreciate her differently. My first pregnancy I was innocent, now I'm not. I don't believe I'm pregnant until I hold a baby in my arms that's crying and rooting because I know how fragile it all is.

Thanks SusieB

streuth susie .. I didn't aim my comments at you .. just the general whinginess and neediness to use the right words and lose any acerbic SOH.. so I'm sorry you took it so personally .. that is not how it was meant

but honestly the humour, wit and verve is seeping out of the site .. and it's a shame

Thank you Kew, you've pretty much said all I was trying to say there. Only, clearly in a far better way!

Plus I agree with what you say about IVF children. Maybe that is the difference. Simply making an effort to enjoy the smallest things, perhaps even the small things that other parent allow to get upset about. THough, surely, no-one can enjoy the horrific lack of sleep you get a a parent in the first few years, surely??

Haven't read thread. I love the term PFB. I think it's fantastic that we have a phrase on MN that so beautifully sums up all that perfectly-natural-but-(let's be honest)-bloody-freaky energy, enthusiasm, worry and love that we pump into our firstborns. I look at my PFB-stage with fondness and humour.

£585 on a travel system. Temperature gages for water/room/food. Worrying that a 4 week old doesn't sleep through. Ah, the good old days!

Twiglet- I agree with you on some level there. It is seeping away. Yet, it needn't really. Surely those who still have the same old wit and verve can keep it going. Just ignoring the not so humorous parts....

A guess that the AIBU threads do have alot to answer for!

MrsMattie was funny

YABU

It is a highly descriptive term

We're fairly light sleepers and have been known to just strike up a conversation in the middle of the night! We had Tink in with us so really we weren't awake anymore than we would normally be and I loved it during the night. Again it's one of those things that you miss out on. We weren't allowed (we were but they told us off) to stay with her all night, we didn't get to wake up to her so when we were able to do things for her even in the middle of the night it was a gift.

Message withdrawn

Thank you Onestone

Oh yes, the soon-to-be-ditched-for-a-Maclaren travel system!

Tinks- I've just realised that we both have DDs called Isobel. Spelt the same way too! makes my last post to you look a it weird, if you didn't know I have an Izzy too!