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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to do a 4 hour round trip to collect canadian cousin's daugher from airport? YOU DECIDE

80 replies

troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:34

I will totally act on basis of mumsnet jury.

I hava a close extended family.
My canadian cousin ( age 46) has a 22 year old daughter studying at a scottish university . About to go into 4th year and arriving in Scotland next friday to continue studies.We are all great frineds, very close and chummy.I LOVE the daughter; I am her second mum.

Cousin emailed me to request I or another family member collect her from arriving airport and deliver her to her lodgings.

This is 3-4 hour round trip for any of the family who might avail themselves.

it is max 2 hours by ( good ) public transport for the arriving student.

It is my one day off from official work in the week (still have 2 primary kids to take care of). I COULD do it , with help from friends who could collect kids from schooletc.

BUT aibu in thinking it is not a reasonable request aand she should get the train?

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 14/09/2008 21:36

is it her first time in Scotland, or her fourth year?

ethanchristopher · 14/09/2008 21:37

well she is family and she obviously isnt around much (if shes canadian)

i no its an inconvenience but you could catch up and bond and also she will probably have lots of luggage e.t.c so for me

yabu

collect her

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:38

this is her 4th year in Scotland,
I have willingly done a ot of runnning around for her in the past 3 years.Taxiing her from one digs to another and stuff

Currently storing half a roomful of her posessions

OP posts:
cmotdibbler · 14/09/2008 21:39

She's 22. She can get herself from airport to lodgings - part of being a grownup imo.

And if she wanted/needed a lift, she should have asked herself, rahter than getting her mum to do it

Saturn74 · 14/09/2008 21:39

I'd do it.

ChippyMinton · 14/09/2008 21:40

Hmm. Presumably you will have to deliver her other stuff at some stage. What time of day dose her flight get in?

Oh, just do it!

Heated · 14/09/2008 21:41

Will she be jet-lagged and have lots of stuff?

If you are a 'second mum' then yes I'd go and get my 'daughter'.

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:41

ethan yes I would bond. I am really fond of her.
i am a worn out wreck with other family stuff tho and have alot on my plate just now. Could do without this and public transport links are VERYgood! Woulod never consider a reciprocal request in similar circs

OP posts:
ravenAK · 14/09/2008 21:42

I would probably say 'I'd love to but...' '...so I'll see if I can sort all that & get back to you?'

& if she's just not thought it through hopefully she'll respond with 'Oh no, we wouldn't hear of it, had no idea it would be so inconvenient for you'

If she STILL wants you to do it, she is BU & you have the option of telling her that sadly you were unable to organise the help from friends, so you can't help her.

Bowddee · 14/09/2008 21:43

If you love her and consider yourself to be her second mum, why is it an unreasonable request?

Hassled · 14/09/2008 21:43

Why don't you just bypass the mother and have a chat with the daughter ? - establish in the nicest possible way whether she feels it is necessary. At 22, I don't quite follow why the mother is making the arrangements at all. Then make your decision based on how the daughter feels about things.

Piffle · 14/09/2008 21:44

my dh travels 4hrs roundtrip everyday for work
Yabu imo given closeness

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:44

cmot that's my thoughts.
Actually my cousin is her dad. I adore him too.

Can't stress enought how close a bunch we are. from that point I see why he asked me. It just would take up my whole day off and is not a big deal imo for her to do trains!

OP posts:
squeaver · 14/09/2008 21:46

Your cousin's being a bit pfb!

Girl is probably mortified at her mother making arrangements for her.

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:47

bowddee I think it is unreasonable because it would take me 4 precious hours on my one day off work a week ( plus arranging friends to look after my kids) to do an errand she could do herself in less than half the time.

Did you spot the bit where I said public transport links for her were excellent?

OP posts:
Kbear · 14/09/2008 21:48

It is unreasonable if you have to make arrangements for childcare yourself! She is 22 and is perfectly capable of getting herself back to uni I would think.

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:49

Actually the request IS reasonable.

Is my refusal UNREASONABLE?

OP posts:
vitomum · 14/09/2008 21:50

i wouldn't want to do it. i agree with cmot!

NotQuiteCockney · 14/09/2008 21:50

Is she arriving in Scotland from Canada directly? If so, which bit of Canada? It'll be an overnight flight for her, and she'll be wrecked on arrival, so I'd try to collect. Can you take kids with you for the trip?

mrswotzisnotin · 14/09/2008 21:50

She is being selfish and thinks the whole world should revolve around her, so what. It's not the end of the world. One day she will have some poor sod dh/bf doing it. If you can, with some juggling, I'd do it.

WinkyWinkola · 14/09/2008 21:52

Yeah, call the 'daughter'. Ask her what she needs and if she would like to be picked up from the airport, then be prepared to help her out. She may remember your kindness and help out your DCs when they go travelling in Canada in 18 years. I sound preachy but what goes around.. . . . . .

Bowddee · 14/09/2008 21:53

If you think it's unreasonable, that's fine, don't do it.

But I think that it's not an unreasonable request from someone you're so close to. Regardless of public transport.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it and give them all the reasons you've given.

And don't post in Am I Being Unreasonable if you want everyone to agree with you.

plantsitter · 14/09/2008 21:53

Pretty sure my mum wouldn't've done this when I was 22. I'm with hassled - contact the daughter. I mean if you want to do it then do as it might end up being fun, but if not just tell her to get public transport. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:54

notquitecockney Toronto.
Yes overnight flight.

Kids at primary school so I only free between 9 and 3 and it takes 2 hours for me to get to airport. Flight time not confirmed but chances are I will need help to either deliver or collect my kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 21:56

My basic objection is it takes 4 hours of my precious free time ( I only really have a few hours free time a week)

She has HOURS upon hours of student type free time and could utilise excellent public transport links and get to her desination in less than 90 min

OP posts: