to think seven is too young for boarding school? long!

[nowirehangers]

I honestly would love some people to tell me IABU and explain to me why going to boarding school at seven is not a bad thing because I am truly baffled by this
OK, so dh has an old friend from uni, very sweet guy if a bit screwed up married to a very high achieving wife: head girl, first from Oxford, kick-ass city career etc
She has two dds aged 3 and about four months. When she was pg with her dd1 she made a big deal about how she was going back to work full time and getting a full-time live-in nanny. Fair enough, I thought, as I work part time myself and have a nanny I am certainly not one to judge.
But the other day when chatting at a party about the pros and cons of bringing up dds in London, she said "Well, of course it won't be a problem for us because I'm sending dd1 to boarding school when she's seven"
I thought she was joking and laughed but she went on "No, you see, dh works very long hours and I don't think dd1 will have much fun in the evenings stuck at home with just me and dd2 for company. I think she'll have much more fun at boarding school."
She went on to say she'd started boarding school at eight and loved it and then told me about a friend who'd just sent her ds to boarding school at seven because he found his younger siblings boring and cried whenever his parents went out in the evening saying 'be with me'. They thought he'd be happier surrounded all the time by his contemporaries.
Now am i getting this all wrong? It strikes me seven is WAY too young to be sent away from your parents. The wanting to be with friends all the time thing comes much later, as I recall, and even when it does children still need far more parental input and contact than they think they do.
Or maybe not.
The whole thing seems even screwier in tnat she's always said she wants four dcs, despite - her words - not being maternal - in the slightest. Her dh works ludicrous hours as a lawyer partly because he needs a lucrative career to afford boarding school fees for four. It seems a bit of a catch 22 since she's partly blaming his long hours for the fact the children need to be sent away at the earliest possible opportunity.
I just feel really sad for their sweet little girl. The mum added she'd really miss her but it would be in her daughter's best interests so she'd have to bite her lip and put up with it.
Please someone tell me that going to boarding school so young can be a positive thing and this woman is talking sense. Because right now I think she's a loony and it's really getting me down.

There are surely other choices the OPs friend could make - someone else has suggested live in nanny - one of DDs friends have parents with v busy careers who do this, seems to work well and the parents are very engaged when they are there.

I note that the most positive post was in relation to Forces families - maybe that situation tends to work better because the kids know its not just that the parents don't really want them around?

Even then, 7 seems too young to me. My DD didn't even want to go on a sleepover till this year (9).

They can provide the stability the child needs. It can be more like a higher end social services..

Most people who do not have good relationships with their parents did NOT board, so there is no absolute connection, although the children may use that fact as the reason?

In my family, my younger brother was the only child of the 4 of us to board but he had the best relationship with my parents out of the 4 of us. I say "had" as he died at the age of 40.

My dd (Yr 7) boards 3 nights per week currently, having boarded for 2 nights per week for the whole of last academic year. She does swimming training for 2 of those nights and would get home and get to bed very late if she didn't board.

As children who board "full-time" spend at half the year at home with their parents, I don't see where the inability to carry on with a "proper" relationship comes in ?

Horrid to send your children away.

What if they want to baord? Is it because they hate being at home

Where I grew up some of the children at the local boarding school were expelled as their parents only took them for two of the three long holidays.

All these stories are from the past, long before private schools had to be inspected by ofsted etc.

I used to plead with mum to send me to boarding school

I ran away from at 4!

that's 'from home'

I simply can't see the point of sending your children to boarding school (unless there is a very good reason). Why on earth would you have children to then not spend much time with them. Imagine how you would feel if your DH was sent away for 35 weeks per year. Horrific and emotionally abusive.

Sugarbird, gabygirl (and other ex-boarders!), can I ask how you feel that your boarding school experiences have affected your 'mothering style' and relationship with your own children? All these years later.

Just that I have had ishoos and am interested in others' experiences.

I think it's more emotionally abusive to be neglected at home. My aunt had 5 children and she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, she went to college and left the babies with my nana, they are all very mixed up adults and only one has been able to maintain a relationship. Some people just aren't as attached and don't see it has an impact.

emotionally abusive? At senior school age?

My nephew has recently finished at a school (starting at age 13) which is half boarding and half day pupils. He was a day pupil but went on the school bus and came home on the school bus. All the children had to stay for prep and supper. He used to leave at 7 in the morning and get home at 9. Most of his friends boarded or lived in the opposite driection. His parents hardly saw him during the term. And he had to travel for an hour each way as the bus picked up from all around.

Worse than boarding? I think so. Or should he have gone to nearest comp so his parents could spend 2 hours per day with him instead of one

I think most boarding schools these days are fabby

Brunos one is certainly very whizzy and highly thought of

I just think it is fricking lazy on his mums part and driven by snobbery [judgemental]

and, what about children whose parents both work, or only have one parent who works? And the children have to come home and their parents aren't there anyway????

they have nannies cammelia

I don't think so. I think most children of senior school age come home to an empty house in those circumstance, belying the afct that they get this magical parental attention.

Cam - but there's a difference between a 10/11/12 yo child spending less than half of each week boarding and the rest of the week with their parents, and 7 / 8 yo spending 6 or 7 weeks away.

There is indeed Blu and I completely agree.

yy agree with blu

and it isnt just about parental attention anywya

it is about living in your own house, in your own room, with your own garden, pets and stuff around you

A lot of people seem to think that boarding is baaad at any age though.

Some teenagers don't want constant parental attention. Thye want their rooms cleaned, their food cooked, their clothes washed.

Boarding school does all that

hnmm I think it is bad when they are young

but when the dds are older I think flexi boarding would be great

I wouldn't have even considered it before age 10 minimum.