to think seven is too young for boarding school? long!

[nowirehangers]

I honestly would love some people to tell me IABU and explain to me why going to boarding school at seven is not a bad thing because I am truly baffled by this
OK, so dh has an old friend from uni, very sweet guy if a bit screwed up married to a very high achieving wife: head girl, first from Oxford, kick-ass city career etc
She has two dds aged 3 and about four months. When she was pg with her dd1 she made a big deal about how she was going back to work full time and getting a full-time live-in nanny. Fair enough, I thought, as I work part time myself and have a nanny I am certainly not one to judge.
But the other day when chatting at a party about the pros and cons of bringing up dds in London, she said "Well, of course it won't be a problem for us because I'm sending dd1 to boarding school when she's seven"
I thought she was joking and laughed but she went on "No, you see, dh works very long hours and I don't think dd1 will have much fun in the evenings stuck at home with just me and dd2 for company. I think she'll have much more fun at boarding school."
She went on to say she'd started boarding school at eight and loved it and then told me about a friend who'd just sent her ds to boarding school at seven because he found his younger siblings boring and cried whenever his parents went out in the evening saying 'be with me'. They thought he'd be happier surrounded all the time by his contemporaries.
Now am i getting this all wrong? It strikes me seven is WAY too young to be sent away from your parents. The wanting to be with friends all the time thing comes much later, as I recall, and even when it does children still need far more parental input and contact than they think they do.
Or maybe not.
The whole thing seems even screwier in tnat she's always said she wants four dcs, despite - her words - not being maternal - in the slightest. Her dh works ludicrous hours as a lawyer partly because he needs a lucrative career to afford boarding school fees for four. It seems a bit of a catch 22 since she's partly blaming his long hours for the fact the children need to be sent away at the earliest possible opportunity.
I just feel really sad for their sweet little girl. The mum added she'd really miss her but it would be in her daughter's best interests so she'd have to bite her lip and put up with it.
Please someone tell me that going to boarding school so young can be a positive thing and this woman is talking sense. Because right now I think she's a loony and it's really getting me down.

[PoorOldEnid]

well frak em then cammelia

they can bloody well cook and clean for themselves which they will learn when they are living at home rather than being waited on hand and foot by servants at boarding school

[Cammelia]

Oh I think when studying v. hard they need the practical stuff done for them.

The holidays could be a different matter though

[MrsBates]

They learn to make toast at boarding school. It is a useful life skill. I think they might do banana peeling too.

[PoorOldEnid]

oh well thats ok then

can they fit in banana peeling between fagging training?

[Cammelia]

They're peeling the banana for Flashman Enid

[PoorOldEnid]

of course

[kitbit]

Yes, cruel to SEND your children away.
Not cruel to involve them in decision and if everyone's happy give it a go. It's not black and white.
Just wanted to redress the balance of the boarding school pitchforking that seems to be gathering momentum!

[Quattrocento]

I think that 7 is entirely too young to board. I boarded myself and I am planning or hoping to offer mine the opportunity to board at 16 for the sixth form as a transition to university.

At 7, my DS could not safely cross a busy road, had occasional (1 night in 14) wet nights, would suck his thumb, and would have been utterly and completely distraught at being compelled to leave home. I think it's very unkind. I wouldn't do it at early secondary either - lots of emotional teenagers can be difficult together.

I agree with the posters who said that it is of course not your place to say anything, but I don't have any sense from your posts that you were planning to say anything to your friend.

[Cammelia]

Yes and if the parents are willing to revoke the boarding if the child no longer wants to do it etc

Which is why I would never choose an all-boarding school, there would be no options.

[laweaselmys]

My DP absolutely adored boarding school (he went at 11) but his father was in the RAF and for him it was preferable to moving school every two years and having to make new friends. I went to a boarding school but did not board... seriously, for some people it's absolutely fine and they have fun. It is very very difficult for others. Especially girls IMO, a lot of the girls I knew that boarded are anorexic because there is so much pressure on looking good at school... and they were at school all the time.

I have a friend whose 7 month old baby is already on 'the list' at a boarding school to start full time at 7. He was put on it by her DH's grandparents and they have no comprehension of why she's so unhappy about it!

[Cammelia]

What about at the top of prep school Quattro, ie. school that has Yrs 7 and * as its most senior? I think that's different from being at bottom of a school which starts at Yr 7.

[Cammelia]

• = 8

[Cammelia]

laweasel, how bizzare to allow ones ILS to have any say in ones dc's schooling

[mummydoc]

i loved boarding ( from 11) an dhave a fabulous relationship wiht my parents, have no attachemnt issues, never cried or flet particulalry homesick, wasn't bullied etc, my dd as i sadi before is also loving her nights boarding and often asks to stay more, maybe htis is working for us as there is no actualy pressure to board and she feels safe and secure knowing she can come home if she wants.

[MrsBates]

I'd quite like a fag myself but I'm trying to give them up.

[laweaselmys]

Cammelia - I know, I told her to tell them to stuff it... but her DH is daffy and they're financially dependent on his family, so she feels like she can't. I suppose she's still got 6 years to try and get him out of it!

[PoorOldEnid]

Brunos younger brother misses him dreadfully and has started wetting the bed (he is almost 7)

hard to know what to say when she tells me this tbh

[Cammelia]

Aaaarrrgghhhh on her behalf

[twinsetandpearls]

My dd had her name down at a school that very much encouraged boardinf and was due to start a few weeks ago but she moved. Very few children boarded before about 10.

DD was fascinated by boarding, it was one fo the aspects of school she was looking forward to the most but she made it clear that she would not want to board for a few years and she is one of the most independent children I know.

She is now at the local village school as we have moved, but we live next to the grounds of Bryanston and she keeps asking when she is starting.

[WilyWombat]

"I should add that a tape recording of the sound of a dormitory on the second night of term after lights out should be included in all boarding school prospectuses. It basically consists of hours after hours of small children crying for their mummies." That is SO sad.

A friends daughter had been seeing a man who was in the army for years they eventually broke up because he was adamant that any children they should have would go to boarding school so he could concentrate on his career and she could support him. It feels awfully barbaric to me - why have children if you dont want to spend time with them and enjoy them what is the point. Is it that your genentics are so great you cannot contemplate the line not continuing, are they a status symbol, I really dont understand it.

You do reap what you sow regarding your relationship with your children. I didnt go to boarding school but was always the difficult child...my dad amusingly printed some photos for a birthday recently one of which was a picture of me "having a tantrum"....I look at it and see a tired unhappy child, they saw a difficult child. The upshot for them now is that I have a far more distant relationship with them than my siblings do - a situation I am more than happy with but that they are not!! My Dad often says "It would have been nice if you had come to ...."

I think if you send your children to boarding school you should not be surprised when you are elderly to not get much in the way of attention from your offspring and to be farmed out to a home as soon as you become less capable (they will then have their lives to lead, their careers to nuture)

[Cammelia]

Willywombat I am so old that I will getting my pension before dd finishes uni.

Why would dd want to spend lots of time with a couple of dusties when she can be with her own generation?

[WilyWombat]

There is time to do both if she wanted too.

I do appreciate it is a class thing too...some people just grow up and it is assumed that is what they will do, it is what generations have done.

Much as the children drive me mad sometimes...call me old fashioned but I just like to sit on their bed ask how their day has gone and kiss them goodnight.

[chocolatedot]

Boarding school for children this age is dying out. IIRC, there are now fewer than 500 children aged 7 at boarding school in the whole country.

[domesticslattern]

Ah Wilywombat, that's a nice thing to say.

[gabygirl]

What's the difference between putting your children in care and putting them into boarding school, other than the quality of the education they get during the 6 hours out of 24 when they're actually in the classroom?

If working class people contacted social services and asked for their children to be taken into care so they can get on and enjoy their lives without the burden of looking after their kids outside school hours they'd be pilloried from here to kingdom come. And you could use all the same arguments - it makes them more independent, they get to spend time with their friends etc etc.