to think people should not say no black at a funeral.

[mshadowsisfab]

cos finding smart non balck clothes is a bloody nightmare.
I don't do smart, or wear skirts. dd has cp so what is the point when i will be covered in food and have to crawl arround the floor.

BTW, what's a'coast dress'?

wow thanks sycamore......ever tried reading a thread.

anyway I have now found a skirt in the bottom of my wardrobe so problem solved.
must remeber to start threads in chat not aibu in future.

IT IS NOT MY DAD WHO HAS DIED BUT MY STEP MUM, MY DAD NOT MY STEPMUM MADE THE NO BLACK RULE.
OF COURSE I WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS.

I'm sorry mshadow - you're right. You'll see from my next post why I reacted so badly to the OP. If you'd posted in bereavement I'd have assumed it was you who had been bereaved. As you posted in AIBU and there was scant info in your OP, I assumed the deceased was someone more distant and you were in a petty grump about outfit.

I wish you well for the funeral.

We said we didn't want black at my daughters funeral, we didn't really tell people unless they asked but within my family we all kind of said it (someone even brought a black tie for my OH because they asked if he had one, I said no cause we weren't wearing black, but it came anyway). Almost all the men wore purple (my favourite colour, but I don't think many of them knew that); the women wore whites, greys and light browns.

When I die I don't want it somber, I want a celebration, I even want proper Pentecostal songs and the band!

I have posted quite a lot on this thread explaining. my op was shit though,

I know - should have read the thread - didn't. I apologies. I'm sorry to have offended you at such a difficult time.

i think its disrespectful and i would feel v. odd not wearing black - even if it was requested.

if it was requested i would do - ofcourse for the wishes of the living - but still somehow i would feel as though i am not respecting the deceased.

I think it brings up a v. important point - WHOis The ceremony for.

i believe its to be respectful to the peorson who died

others may feel they attend to be respectful to those left behind

its your own POV

Well, when we didn't wear black, it was because it was my dead dad's wishes, but had my mother requested it, I'd have done it because F-ing hell, it is hard enough coming to terms with the gaping great big hole in your life where your husband once was without the people around you, who are supposed to be supporting you and helping you, challenging whatever mad wishes you may have to help you through an agonizing day.

Message withdrawn

I think there is a difference between respecting the wishes of the dead and respecting the wishes of the grieving relatives.

So long as the wishes are reasonable, you should try and respect both, but if the wishes conflict, sorry, those of the living have got ot take precedence over the dead, because they are the ones who are grieving. So a husband requesting that no-one wears black for his deceased wife- fine. A corpse requesting that everyone comes to the funeral dressed in Batman outfits when all his relatives are grieving and don't want to wear Batman outfits - not fine. Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, life's for the lving, blah blah.

sycamore - just wanted to offer you a virtual squeeze.

Bless you Spink.