to think people should not say no black at a funeral.

[mshadowsisfab]

cos finding smart non balck clothes is a bloody nightmare.
I don't do smart, or wear skirts. dd has cp so what is the point when i will be covered in food and have to crawl arround the floor.

Celia2 great post, expressed what I tried to say earlier on the thread.

I missed that one

roffle roffle how excellent

'Not whether the mourners should IGNORE their wishes

Two different things.'

Bollocks, MP and you know it.

No black was part of the deceased wishes.

If someone was a little controlling in their lifetime and then they specify 'no black' for their funeral, you will think 'ah, it's that pernickity fusspot having one last attempt at throwing her weight around again'. And you will have the perfect opportunity to punk the fusspot deceased person by wearing black. Unless you found her pernickitiness endearing, in which case you will not wear black.

Is this getting complicated?

I have to say, my sister in law is the least 'Therapy' like person ever, but my neice has been so very upset, (she told me that she has lost her best mate ) that I think she is doing the right thing.
More than anything, I don't want my child to have to see grandma disapearing behind a curtain/into the ground, which no matter how I explained it would be very hard for them to deal with.

Expat, it isn't SELFISH to think that funerals are about mourning, and more than it is selfish to think that weddings are about family

It is about what the purpose of a funeral IS

No one is saying Is it Reasonable to Disrespect Someone's Wishes? Of course no one would do that. It is just about the appropriateness of hijacking a ritual for public mourning for your own agenda, which is a little odd

It is actually v. similar to the Bridezilla issue TBH

Differnt people have different opinions on it

Shouting about them being selfish, immature and sad does not really add much to the debate

Who is shouting? You have to use capital letters online to shout, MP, so don't go accusing me of that, too, just because I disagree with you.

Because that is hardly adding anything to the debate, either.

Well my DS went to a funeral when he was younger, purely because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to go. And I wanted to pay my respects to the deceased and support his family. I think it's very important to go to funerals of people you know, because it's important for them to see you there and know that you are thinking of their loved one and that s/he meant something to many people. They talked about what a great comfort it was to see so many people turn up and know that people cared enough to bother.

Death is part of life. Children should know that. I find it very odd to exclude them from funerals. DS ws fine, it didn't upset him, he was impressed by the solemnity and sadness and he behaved well (if he hadn't I'd have taken him out, just as at a wedding). He knows that everyone dies in the end and that most people have sex, but he doesn't connect either of those to him yet

For some people, the funeral is about mourning, to others, it's a celebration of their life here and a send off.

It's up to them and their families to decide which, and if people disagree with that, then IMO it's selfish to impose that difference of an opinion on the deceased and his/her family at that time.

thankyou MP, I totally agree. If funerals aren't about the grief of the living (and I AM a member of the family in 9 out of 10 funerals I have attended) then whatpoint of them? The "decent laying away of the beloved dead" is an important part of grieving. Sorry if grief makes me immature and sad, expat.

Oh and we go to mass every week, so my kids are not faithless.

Whatever you think about black/no black or whose wishes you think are most important please don't release balloons in memory of the deceased. Very, very, very bad for wildlife. I'll go and find a link in a minute.

Keep on putting words into my mouth and twisting them round, georgia, because nowhere did I say there was anything wrong with grief.

Just that if the deceased or his/her family doesn't wish for their funeral to be about that, then it is disrespectful and selfish to go against that wish and if you're unable to comply with it it might be best to stay home.

Not so bad if its only for the family and its not a requirement for attendance and you are not expecting your kids to organise a funeral and shop for a new frock at the drop of a hat. Its a huge amount of work organising a funeral and you have about 1000 long phonecalls to make, coffins to choose, hotels to book for elderly aunts etc. Spending a stressed 2 hours in debenhams with your mascara running down your face is not what I want my children to be doing before I'm even cold.

starts off about mass balloon releases but applies to smaller events too

really, edam?!

A lot of people don't have a decent black outfit, bea. 'No Black' means where whatever you fancy basically. So I don't understand the tear-stained faces in debenhams exaggerated scenario.

And I have said twice now that with one exception, I have only attended family funerals. Do I get a vote now?

And it's Georgi, not Georgia.

did i ever say you didn't? because i've repeated that this is my opinion more than twice.

And really, what difference is it going to make if I stand at the back of the church and shed a couple of tears? Do you think anyone more important would really even notice? FFS.

I'm completely lost now. Who said you shouldn't cry? This is getting ridiculous.

exactly, pd!

Apparently my grief could be offensive, according to expat, if the family intended a celebration rather than a mourning, and in those circumstances, I should not attend.

Mind you, I have never received an invitation to a funeral, so all these intentions and wishes have never been made particularly clear.

Thankyou Edam, I had not realised.
I have always brought bio degreadable balloons. I will not be releasing balloons again