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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DD to bed without any dinner...

298 replies

PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 19:07

...because she refused to eat what I've made made her.

She kept asking for a banana but I said no, she had to at least attempt to eat her soup.

She refused and had a massive tantrum She's only 14 months old, but very stubborn.

I'm certainly not going to make her something else, and I feel if I give in to her she'll be demanding a banana every meal time.

So I'm going to put her to bed without any dinner.

AIBU

OP posts:
pinkspottywellies · 08/09/2008 21:54

I think the accusation of child abuse are incredibly harsh. This is a mum of a fairly young baby asking if she's doing the right thing. I would say no, that not giving her an alternative for dinner is not the right thing.

If my dd wouldn't eat the first thing I gave her I would try something else - usually a little platter with fruit (maybe half a banana so she's getting what she asked for and a big well done for saying a word!), dried apricot/raisins, rice cake/oat cake/breadstick, cheese, ham, the kind of thing that doesn't take any effort. Take the first plate away and try the next thing. She really doesn't know at that age about the effort that went into the soup or about eating different things at different times.

I would never have let dd go to bed with nothing if only for the fact that I wouldn't want to have to get up to a hungry baby in the night!

HTH

KerryMum · 08/09/2008 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 21:57

As I said before I offer choice at brekkie and dinner. Tea is a hot meal I usually cook from scratch, i adapt meals and more often than not offer food DC will eat. I give fruit after if the meal is eaten or not. I would NEVER offer anything but fruit. I feel that there is choice and there is teaching kids that they can have what they want when they want. When my children have their own homes they can eat what they want.

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 08/09/2008 22:00

Bloody hell I don't even put my 5 year old to bed without any dinner if they don't eat it. Certainly wouldn't do it with a 14 month old. She's far to young to understand. Maybe she just didn't like it.

YABVVU.

LittleMyDancing · 08/09/2008 22:01

Peppermint Patty - if it's any help, my DS is 2.4 and doesn't eat much tea - he too has a tea at nursery at 3.30pm and he really is only interested in a snack when he gets home. (we have the snack about 6pm).

I think it's a combination of being too tired to eat and having eaten a good lunch at nursery - I posted a thread about it here and found many many people said similar things about their DCs.

I would honestly let your child guide you - if all she feels like is a nana, then save yourself the effort of cooking and give her a nana. Do you ever have nights when you're so tired all you feel like is toast, or a bowl of cereal? I imagine it's a bit like that.

Hope this helps.

LittlePeanut · 08/09/2008 22:02

I am really hoping this OP is a troll. I simpy cannot believe that someone would rather send their 14m DD to bed hungry, rather than give them a BANANA - of all things! You are either a troll, or you are a complete control freak with serious issues.

Your poor, poor DD. She just wants a banana! Is that such a bloody crime? Is your heart made of stone?

Hopefully you are just a troll, I really think you must be.

wannaBe · 08/09/2008 22:02

I have a theory about the soup...

To a baby, soup would appear very much like a puree. If she's passed the puree stage and on to eating more solid food, she mmay not want to (in her mind) go back to eating a puree.

My ds went off puree'd food at about 8 months, and there is no way on this earth he would have eaten which in any way resembled a puree at 14 months.

I would take soup off the menu for a bit until she is old enough to realize what it is. Or alternatively give it to her with fingers of bread for her to dip into it.

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 22:04

ffs - here we go lets cry troll. Prehaps she is a mum wanting help?

LittleMyDancing · 08/09/2008 22:06

oh lay off the OP! We've all had moments of thinking we should be firm in our discipline when our children are too little to be disciplined in that way. I know I have

can we just remember that this parenthood lark isn't easy and be nice?

there's a reason PeppermintPatty asked the question, which is that she wasn't sure she was doing the right thing. And now we've all told her (some more politely than others) that we don't think she is, she's given her DD the banana.

Be nice, ladies.

3andnomore · 08/09/2008 22:08

STOP EVERYONE

OP HAS GIVEN HER CHILD A BANANA..EVEN TWO

SHE REALISED THE ERROR OF HER WAYS....

Glad evveryone is perfect again and would never, in a moment of madness, do somehting that might not be so great and then had time to think it over and realised they did wrong...
whilst witholding food in theroy is child abuse...I have the feeling OP is not an abusive parent...she simply was caught up in teh situation....

[and yes I meant to shout]

LittlePeanut · 08/09/2008 22:10

Fair enough,Ive just read some more and see she has been responding to replies and given her DD the banana now. Thank goodness for that.

I really found the OP disturbing though. The thought of a 14m going to bed hungry is not nice.

Janni · 08/09/2008 22:14

I repeat in case you missed it: at 4 a.m. this morning I told my DD she could have icecream for breakfast if she went back to sleep on her own. That is not in any parenting rule book, but it worked. She was happy, I got some sleep. Come breakfast time she'd forgotten all about it.

Let's all cut each other some slack, eh?

Mamazon · 08/09/2008 22:14

of course its not child abuse. its poorly considered punishment but certainly not abuse.

drinkmoretea · 08/09/2008 22:16

yaNbu, i think everyone is totally overeacting and completely made this into something it's not. (as quite often happens on here)

you have offered your dd food and she has refused it, if she was hungry she would have eaten it, children don't starve themselves.

mumeeee · 08/09/2008 22:18

YABU. She is only 14 months old. She was only asking for a banana which is very good for her.

3andnomore · 08/09/2008 22:21

Mamazon..Witholding food CAN be abuse( if it happens regularly etc.)...but in OP's case it's clearly NOT the case, that is is what I meant...

3andnomore · 08/09/2008 22:22

wouldn't it be lovely if people would read MORE then just the OP!

alicet · 08/09/2008 22:27

14 months is too young for his kind of reasoning. However I don't think the op is as bad as a lotof you have been making out - she just didn't know this. I can understand your frustration op but it is normal for babies of this age to do this - with ds1 it was yogurt. And I agree with others that they often eat their 1st course in conjunction or after this.

I am doing this with ds1 now who is 2.7. He had started asking for something then telling me he didn't want it when I gave it to him and asking for something else. It was getting silly. Now he gets 2 choices and has to have a reasonable amount of it before he gets desert. I think he does understand this and is much better at not messing about but he really only has had the ability to understand this very recently - I tried the 'just one more mouthful' a few months back and he just got very upset and didn't learn.

Try to chill - it is a phase for her and it will pass. Next week you will probably be pulling your hair out as she won't like nana and will ask for something else!!!

Good luck

Original poster
PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 22:38

That's what I thought drinkmoretea.

OK everyone.

DD has had this soup before, she ate it, she even liked it.
Today she didn't want any of it, so I thought she wasn't very hungry (she often isn't as she has sandwiches at nursery at 3.30).
She asked for a banana. She has been doing more and more recently. Up to now I've let her have a banana, but I didn't want this to become a habit. So I said no.

I was just worried that the asking for a banana thing would become a habit, as it seems to be going that way at the moment.

I was worried that giving her a banana every meal when she asked for one it would be a bad thing. I thought if I said no this time, she would eat something other than banana.

I thought about putting her to bed without any dinner (assuming she wasn't really hungry). I have never done this before, and I thought it was probably not a wise decision so I asked on here.
And you all thought I was BU (as well as lots of other things...) so I gave her a banana.

She's happy, and I've learnt that a banana for dinner every night is not such a bad thing.

OP posts:
nametaken · 08/09/2008 22:42

PP sometimes when we say things on a forum it doesn't quite come across as we would like it to in real life, so, bearing this in mind, if I hurt your feelings tonight, I'm sorry.

QuintessentialShadow · 08/09/2008 22:44

If she loves banana. How would she like banana on hot wholemeal toast? Sprinkled with a little honey?

I would often give my boys a mix for dinner, some peas, some carrots, a few pieces of chicken, some banana, apple, they would be very happy to pick them selves through most.

QuintessentialShadow · 08/09/2008 22:46

But it must be very exciting for her. She has discovered the power of language. NANA means somethign. It means banana, when she says it, she gets it?

How about giving her just a few pieces of banana, and see if she will get on with her meal? She is exploring textures and flavours, and now her newfound ability to ask for something!

Original poster
PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 22:47

And reaading back my original post now I realise it sounds very harsh.

But I was flustered, with DD having just had a tantrum and me not knowing what to do for the best

Thanks for making me see the error of my ways

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 08/09/2008 23:04

Glad you gave her the banana PP, but fuck me sideways you lot would think she was trying to kill the child the way you carry on, shouting child abuse all because she was considering not giving her the banana!

You can all put your halos back on, get back to your high moral grounds and your perfect parenting now, have said my peace.

Sycamoretree · 08/09/2008 23:05

This shall forever more be known as BANANAGATE.

Sleep tight PP - we've all been there chuck- most of us offering words of wisdom from having driven ourselves and also behaved in some slightly potty way (if it's any consolation, I one put DD's entire toy basket on the shelf in the vain hope at each toy going out of play for the day, she'd at least try one bit of Anabel K's bloody chicken and apricot patties - nay chance. I then put her in her bed ....it was only 5pm. I had to get her up again, what a twat....