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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nearly 10 year old son to have a TV in his room?

187 replies

MUMSANUTTA · 06/09/2008 21:39

Opinions please - My son, soon to be ten, is the only one in his group of friends not to have a TV / DVD recorder in his room. The same goes for that matter for our 6 year old! Day to day this is not a problem, but when he visits his friends, it is always mentioned on his return in a sorowful way. We do not bow down to the parent pressure thing on many things, but do try to compromise on some things so he does not feel totally left out and so far seems happy with this. We feel like we want to stick to our guns for another few years, but just recently we are wondering if maybe we should re think our views. Reasons being, we still want to be a family unit, watch TV, play games or just chill out most, not all, of the time together. Do not want him disappearing for hours at a time. Also will have less of influence on what he watches if cannot monitor it. Are we being OTT

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nappyaddict · 08/09/2008 06:54

i don't believe in TVs in rooms for anyone. imo bedrooms are for sleeping and playing in - not watching tv.

nappyaddict · 08/09/2008 07:01

the reason for this is not because i think ds will become a hermit but because I have suffered with insomnia in the past. Doctor's advice was not to eat, read, work, listen to music, watch tv or use the computer in your bedroom. he also said to remove tv, computer, cd player from the bedroom cos they are sleep distractions. i didn't remove the cd player because i have a cd of rainfall, waves and nature sounds which i find helps me sleep and i also find audio books help me sleep whereas reading before bed keeps me awake.

mou · 08/09/2008 07:19

we let 10yr old DD have a telly in his room but it is not set up as a telly, only a screen for dvd and gaming. i grew up without a television and in my heart of hearts detest them, but do use it to my advantage....bedtime dvd's for good behaviour, an hours gaming for some quiet time.
this means if they want to watch 'telly' it is a, easy to moniter what they watch (simpsons BANNED in ths house). b, a social thing and we watch together.

cory · 08/09/2008 09:49

Only one TV in this house and that's in the living room and can only be used with permission (and that includes DVDs). 8yo and nearly 12yo know we are not going to budge on this issue so have given up whingeing.

Tittybangbang · 08/09/2008 09:53

I will never allow my children to have tv's in their rooms until they are old enough to work, save up and buy one themselves.

They read (and are read to) in their rooms. If they had telly in there they'd read less - simple as that.

I would rather they were reading than watching television.

scaryteacher · 08/09/2008 09:59

my 12 yo ds does not and will not have a TV in his room whilst he lives under my roof. He has a computer in his room, but I only have 1 TV in the house and that is in the sitting room.

ds is a great reader and quite often uses his computer to make book lists for me to get from Amazon.

Sidge · 08/09/2008 10:28

Just because we are a family doesn't mean our 10 year old wants to spend every waking moment with her parents and younger sisters. If she wants to go up to her room and read, colour, draw, do puzzles, play with her Polly Pocket stuff and maybe watch a film or TV programme then that's fine with me. Everyone needs some space and peace and quiet sometimes, and if she wants to relax in front of a film then that's fine too.

For those of you that don't want your children to have TVs in their bedrooms that's fine of course, but please don't assume that those of us that do allow them have antisocial, illiterate children who spend all their waking (and many of their sleeping) hours spaced out in front of the box. Many of us do exert some control over our children

rubyloopy · 08/09/2008 11:35

Message withdrawn

PonderingThoughts · 08/09/2008 11:55

Someone may have already mentioned this as I havent read every post in detail, just skimmed through....so apologies if this has already been suggested but:

Could you compromise with him on it?

Say that he can have his TV & DVD in his room, but lay conditions on amount of time he spends watching it - so that he understands that downstairs family time is still important and still going to happen....
BUT he can watch TV for half an hour before he turns his lights off at night. Or a couple of hours Sat morning whilst your doing housework, when his friends come round etc?

So, that way you still get your family time and know how much time he's spending glued to the TV...but he gets his TV in his room too?

ajandjjmum · 08/09/2008 11:59

Dd (15) and ds (16) do not have televisions in their rooms. I have only just had one - so they'll have to wait until they're my age!!

If they want to watch something different, they can do so downstairs, but in another room.

MorningTownRide · 08/09/2008 12:29

I still can't understand why children need TV/ DVD players/ games consols etc in their bedrooms.

bedrooms

PonderingThoughts · 08/09/2008 13:07

It's about independence, privacy, & some space to be able to grow up.

The only reason they want them in their bedrooms is because most familys don't have enough rooms in their house to provide their children with a bedroom for the bed and sleeping AND a 'room' for their OWN space/toys/games/PC's etc.

PonderingThoughts · 08/09/2008 13:09

Hence, bedroom doubles up as both. It's THEIR space.

I do think that youngsters don't need that, and just jump on the bandwagon of 'TV in my room please'....but by the early teens I can understand this need.

Original poster
MUMSANUTTA · 08/09/2008 13:35

Hmmmmm, I really started something here...lots to think on; it's nice to know there are so many like minded parents out there, but I do also believe there are always compromises and other people's ways are most definately not always the wrong way!! Different families, views and kids. So lots of ideas and thoughts thank you but I think I will still be sticking to my guns at the moment of no TV, not least as it has not yet become aa HUGE issue, but yes Rubyloopy, all his close friends do, and I know this as I am good friends with all their ma's . Who incidentally some of which felt same as me, but for whatever reason changed their minds recently but did so very quietly . Not here to judge anyone, guess as kids get older, parenting styles start to differ greatly. Inevitable really. Anyway thanks for all your views, I'm amazed at the response it's bought and the strong feelings either way.

OP posts:
Original poster
MUMSANUTTA · 08/09/2008 13:35

Hmmmmm, I really started something here...lots to think on; it's nice to know there are so many like minded parents out there, but I do also believe there are always compromises and other people's ways are most definately not always the wrong way!! Different families, views and kids. So lots of ideas and thoughts thank you but I think I will still be sticking to my guns at the moment of no TV, not least as it has not yet become aa HUGE issue, but yes Rubyloopy, all his close friends do, and I know this as I am good friends with all their ma's . Who incidentally some of which felt same as me, but for whatever reason changed their minds recently but did so very quietly . Not here to judge anyone, guess as kids get older, parenting styles start to differ greatly. Inevitable really. Anyway thanks for all your views, I'm amazed at the response it's bought and the strong feelings either way.

OP posts:
Original poster
MUMSANUTTA · 08/09/2008 13:36

Hmmmmm, I really started something here...lots to think on; it's nice to know there are so many like minded parents out there, but I do also believe there are always compromises and other people's ways are most definately not always the wrong way!! Different families, views and kids. So lots of ideas and thoughts thank you but I think I will still be sticking to my guns at the moment of no TV, not least as it has not yet become aa HUGE issue, but yes Rubyloopy, all his close friends do, and I know this as I am good friends with all their ma's . Who incidentally some of which felt same as me, but for whatever reason changed their minds recently but did so very quietly . Not here to judge anyone, guess as kids get older, parenting styles start to differ greatly. Inevitable really. Anyway thanks for all your views, I'm amazed at the response it's bought and the strong feelings either way.

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Original poster
MUMSANUTTA · 08/09/2008 13:37

Guess you didnt really NEED to read that three times though [grins]

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DaphneMoon · 08/09/2008 13:41

My DS has a tv/dvd/video combo in his bedroom and he is only 8.6 However he only watches it when he goes to bed, he only watches one of his dvd etc. He never goes to watch it out of choice in the daytime as he only gets channels 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. When he goes to bed it is on a timer and he goes to sleep when it switches off. If he is naughty, he does not get tv. It does not mean we don't read bedtime stories etc. Sometimes he only watches 10 mins, usually it is 20 minutes, however, if he is late to bed it does not go on.

IgglepigglesBlanket · 08/09/2008 13:56

My DS is 11 and he does not have a TV in his room.
We have a portable Tv/video and sofa in one end of the kitchen so that if someone is sleeping on the sofa bed he has somewhere he can watch TV.
I suppose if the occasion arose, he could have the TV in his room for the night if he was having a sleep over, but I'd be inclined to let them watch TV in the living room and then send then to bed when it was finished.

Litchick · 08/09/2008 14:08

YANBU.
Why does he need one?
On this thread those with them are saying they're hardly turned on so what a waste of money.

DaphneMoon · 08/09/2008 17:55

I have four televisions in my house and I am damn proud of that. I've lost count of how many threads I've read on here, "Oh we only have one television in the lounge". Well good for you, that doesn't make the rest of us all TV junkies, believe it or not they are not all switched on at the same time, but it does allow us to make choices as to what we watch and when. My DS might not watch his TV in the day but he has the choice. He does read a lot, we still do things together as a family, it doesn't rule our lives. And Believe it or not they do actually learn something now and then. We prob watch the discovery channel more than anything my DS has loved it.

Twelvelegs · 08/09/2008 18:06

Isn't there research that suggests children stimulated by the TV before sleep don't sleep as well?

DaphneMoon · 08/09/2008 18:19

Well let's face it there is research on anything and everything to make us look like crap parents! I've read some pretty scary books in my time and not slept, so don't think you can entirely blame TV.

Original poster
MUMSANUTTA · 08/09/2008 18:31

Twelvelegs there is research. I know a few parents who allow kids to go to sleep with TV on, so much so that when they have sleep overs elsewhere they can't sleep and they can't get them out of the habit. DUH. But that is a bit different to watching a bit of TV then going to sleep. Why are you getting so stressed DaphneMoon about people saying they only have one television in the lounge, it's their choice and it works for them, just as you saying you have four televisions in your house and you are proud of it and it works for you. IMO it's the easiest parenting option. If we had 4 tv's in the house, I am sure we would see a lot less of our boys and the house would be a damn sight more quiet. Hmmmm. It has its place I know, I'm not anti-tv but I personally would rather struggle through than to stick the kids in front of TV in their rooms when I want a bit of space. Which is often.

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Twelvelegs · 08/09/2008 18:32

Is there any research to suggest that I shouldn't have agreed to have major building works on my house just before my baby arrives?