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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nearly 10 year old son to have a TV in his room?

187 replies

MUMSANUTTA · 06/09/2008 21:39

Opinions please - My son, soon to be ten, is the only one in his group of friends not to have a TV / DVD recorder in his room. The same goes for that matter for our 6 year old! Day to day this is not a problem, but when he visits his friends, it is always mentioned on his return in a sorowful way. We do not bow down to the parent pressure thing on many things, but do try to compromise on some things so he does not feel totally left out and so far seems happy with this. We feel like we want to stick to our guns for another few years, but just recently we are wondering if maybe we should re think our views. Reasons being, we still want to be a family unit, watch TV, play games or just chill out most, not all, of the time together. Do not want him disappearing for hours at a time. Also will have less of influence on what he watches if cannot monitor it. Are we being OTT

OP posts:
Sidge · 06/09/2008 22:07

But why do so many assume that if a child has a TV in their room they are watching it all hours of the day and night and what they are watching is unsuitable or not being monitored by the parents?

It is perfectly possible to strike a happy medium - it's not necessarily all or nothing.

2luvlyboys · 06/09/2008 22:08

YANBU at all don't do it. I remember having a tv in my room as a young teenager (about 12/13). No only will you not be able to monitor his viewing but you will have less say or knowledge/control over what time he goes to sleep at night. Being tired on a school day from watching late night tv is not good trust me!

roisin · 06/09/2008 22:15

We've always said that we will never have TVs in bedrooms. We only have one in the house and we don't have one in our bedroom.

DSs just accept it and don't really complain about it. Tbh they watch very little TV anyway.

Some things are negotiable or are possibilities when they are older, e.g. ds1 will be getting a mobile soon. But others (TVs in bedrooms) are just not an option.

The boys know what is in which category, so it's not hard really.

AbbeyA · 06/09/2008 22:23

Don't give in!
We had exactly the same problem. They were always sorrowful because nearly all their friends had one, and DVD player in many cases. I am open to compromise on many things but I have held out to my beliefs on that one.

featherboa · 06/09/2008 22:26

How about if you have one but the TV is only tuned in for DVD's (so he can't watch ordinary TV without you knowing?) He will only have access to DVD's/games that you have deemed are suitable.

Think Sidge's attitude is spot on. It is a priviledge and will be controlled by you, must ask to use etc. Then you can use it as a parenting tool to demonstrate trust, the earning and keeping of priviledges and responsible behaviour.

It is important to his development and self-esteem that he feels able to "keep up" to some degree with his peers, this is natural and healthy. In his career and personal life to come, he will hopefully strive to do exactly the same.

I am still gutted that as a child I was only allowed books and board games rather than "fun" stuff and hated never being the source of admiration occasionally for being "in the know" about funkier stuff. Sometimes it's good for a child to have the kind of admiration that only the peer group can bring, once in a while, much as we as adults think we are the be-all and end-all.

daftpunk · 06/09/2008 22:30

yanbu. would never allow a t.v in my dc's rooms...not untill they're about 16!

alicet · 06/09/2008 22:32

Have read this with interest as I don't want my ds's to have tv's in their rooms either (they are only 2.6 and 11 months so not an issue yet though!). We don't have one in our room either. I would be happy for them to have one in their playroom (if they had one - no space at the mo) but for all the reasons above don't want them to have in their bedrooms.

To those who have managed to stick to this how have you managed out of interest?

alicet · 06/09/2008 22:33

Remember being horrified going to a boyfriend's house in my early 20's and they had 6 tellys - kitchen, dining room, snug type place, parents bedroom, his bedrom, guest bedroom. There were only 3 in the family. I mean wtf?!?!! It wasn't even a big house!!!

daftpunk · 06/09/2008 22:37

i personally don't agree with t.vs in bedrooms at all..(i don't have one in mine) but teenagers sometimes want one, i did allow my dd to have one when she was 16..but she rarely watches it. alicat..how do you manage to achieve it? you say no.

featherboa · 06/09/2008 22:40

I must admit I don't like the trend for all this electrical stuff... but then I grew up in the 70s/80s so there wasn't all that stuff around then. It's a fact of life that now there is and to deny it is to bury one's head in the sand.

I have 9 and 11yo nephews and they are whizzes on all sorts of electronic equipment. Perhaps a bit too much for my liking! but I accept that they have been born into a world of technology and I wasn't. I was wowed at university in 1994 when one house mate (out of the 20 on my floor) had a WORD PROCESSOR! and didn't have to handwrite her essays. Nobody had a mobile phone. Switch was only just being introduced. Times have changed a lot in the last 10-15 years alone.

cat64 · 06/09/2008 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

daftpunk · 06/09/2008 22:43

agree featherboa..and tbh..most children would rather a laptop in their bedroom these days than t.v's.

AbbeyA · 06/09/2008 22:47

Spot on cat64. I agree with every word!

AbbeyA · 06/09/2008 22:48

I wouldn't have a computer in a bedroom either or a DVD.

ravenAK · 06/09/2008 23:03

For sleepovers I'd probably let them camp out in the living rom with the big telly & watch dvds, whilst dh & I got an early night.

Otherwise, no, I see no reason for tvs or networked pcs in young children's bedrooms. Teenagers, fair enough (& it'd only take a few weeks of paper rounding to buy your own cheapo tv/dvd combo. Pick your battles! )

daftpunk · 06/09/2008 23:06

alicet...sorry, spelt your name wrong earlier

Blondilocks · 06/09/2008 23:37

My DD's almost 10 & doesn't have a tv in her room. She doesn't have the space for one!

Her friends that have them end up watching them until too late at night. Also there's nothing that we want to watch when her programmes are on & nothing on really in the evenings so it's not that much of an issue. She doesn't seem to ask about it that much to be honest.

I didn't have a TV in my room until I was at uni. I like to have one now as I like to stretch out in bed & watch tv & chill!

I think maybe when she's 15 ish then she can have one.

KerryMum · 06/09/2008 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soapbox · 06/09/2008 23:47

No - I totally agree with you, what on earth reason does a 10yo have to need a TV in their room?

I hate this idea of children squirreling themselves away in their rooms apart from their families. I wonder what kind of adult relationships these children will have, without the time spent learning how to share space with other people.

DH and I don't have a TV in our room and I have no intention of ever having them in any other bedrooms, so if they want one then they'll have to wait until they have left home

KerryMum · 06/09/2008 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondilocks · 07/09/2008 00:08

I also think TV's in rooms can add distractions from sleeping, homework, reading & more active hobbies. Not too keen on computers in rooms either.

I think it's all personal preference.

In the evening after DD's in bed I'd rather watch TV in bed than in the living room. I don't lie in bed all day watching tv!

TheInvisableManDidIt · 07/09/2008 00:25

Agree personal preference.

My 2ds's share a room, 6 & 8, and they have a tv & their ps2 in their room. TV not tuned into any channels, they are not allowed dvd's or ps2 on school nights. Sat night they can choose either a dvd or 1hr on ps2. If their friends are over they can watch a dvd.

Fri nights are family night and we all chooose a dvd together. sat night is mum & dads night.

We find his works for our family. we have good quality time together but the boy are aware that every needs their own time too.

Reginaphilangy · 07/09/2008 00:26

YANBU - he's your son and therefore lives by your rules.

That said, the automatic assumption that any child who has a TV in their bedroom is a social outcast who spends all day every day watching unsuitable crap really pisses me off. Everything in moderation IMHO.

roisin · 07/09/2008 09:41

Soapbox, I too wonder about how this generation will develop. So many of them communicate more by msn and text than face-to-face conversations; they don't even phone each other much any more.

There also seems to be a growing trend that every child must have their own bedroom, and spend a lot of time in there: watching TV, playing computer games, or whatever!

Slouchy · 07/09/2008 09:45

Easy. He wants it. He saves up.

(He will prob get bored long before he amasses £££ out of £1 a week pocket money, if he does stick it out, then I think he has earned it.)

But YY to DVD/console tuning usage only.

(We want to avoid tvs in bedrooms but are lucky to have a biggish house so we can have a family room and another living room with Tv in it when the dds get big enough to want to watch stuff we don't)