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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nearly 10 year old son to have a TV in his room?

187 replies

MUMSANUTTA · 06/09/2008 21:39

Opinions please - My son, soon to be ten, is the only one in his group of friends not to have a TV / DVD recorder in his room. The same goes for that matter for our 6 year old! Day to day this is not a problem, but when he visits his friends, it is always mentioned on his return in a sorowful way. We do not bow down to the parent pressure thing on many things, but do try to compromise on some things so he does not feel totally left out and so far seems happy with this. We feel like we want to stick to our guns for another few years, but just recently we are wondering if maybe we should re think our views. Reasons being, we still want to be a family unit, watch TV, play games or just chill out most, not all, of the time together. Do not want him disappearing for hours at a time. Also will have less of influence on what he watches if cannot monitor it. Are we being OTT

OP posts:
berolina · 07/09/2008 09:48

YANBU. We don't have a TV at all and are more than happy with that (although if we lived in the UK we would probably have one tbh - British TV is soooo much better than German). Mine too will have to wait until they leave home for TVs in their rooms.

pointydog · 07/09/2008 09:53

I think you make a good point there, slouchy. Some people with biggish houses have a second room - a family room or whatever - with a second telly in it where older dc can sit with friends and watch a dvd without having adults around. Or play their ps2 games together.

If a house is small, the bedroom is the only place to do this.

herbietea · 07/09/2008 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bumperlicious · 07/09/2008 10:40

Kerry, I don't agree with the double standard argument. Don't you think that adults should be allowed some privileges that 10 year olds aren't? Alcohol is certainly one of them. I think this is another one. Parents know that they can use TV's responsibly or if they don't they have the responsibility of dealing with the consequences. Children don't have the same responsibilities to deal with as adults and by the same token don't enjoy the same privileges.

And I certainly don't thing that "because everyone else has one" is a good enough argument for the OP to go back on her principles.

stitch · 07/09/2008 10:46

my dc can have tv's in their bedrooms when they go to university. they seem happy enoguh with that idea. even though many of their friends have tvs in their rooms now

soon2be3 · 07/09/2008 10:49

Try to resist the temptation to place screen entertainment in your child's room.

I know it is really difficult because of the "everyone else" argument, but explain to your lo that it is not necessarily true.

bellavita · 07/09/2008 10:54

Both my DS's (11 & 9) have tvs/dvds in their rooms.

They always ask if they can have them on and always turn them off when we say.

They both use the family computer but they ask and again come off when we say. They have msn but with a family safety net on.

Mine certainly do not squirrel themselves away in their bedrooms.

They both have mobile phones which they have saved their pocket money for.

Poppycake · 07/09/2008 11:12

Even between me and my brother there';s a huge differnce - he has huge tv, tv in bedroom, skyplus, zillions of dvds etc. We have one ancient telly with channels 1-5 only! I suspect his los will have tv in room, ours won't - but we won't judge each other. We borrow his dvds, when they come to ours they love to play board games and chat.

There is some sense in teaching your children that other people live differently - be it a tv in the room, being Muslim, or whatever (my best friend at primary school's family were naturists - I found that odd but learnt something!). We get to choose - that's what's great about living in the UK!

VictorianSqualor · 07/09/2008 11:19

I have a tv in the DC's bedroom.
They aren't allowed to watch it without permission but I don't want crappy kids TV on in my living room, plus they aren't allowed downstairs until DP&I are up.

AbbeyA · 07/09/2008 13:35

I don't see how it is a double standard. I wouldn't dream of having a TV in my bedroom.
You can have your own private cinema with a book and it uses your imagination!

noonki · 07/09/2008 13:45

We don't let my DSS have a TV or computer in his room (aged 12)

he does have a computer at his Mums' though and is constantly watching things that we all consider inappropriate, his mum doesn't have any checks on the computer at all, and says it is up to him

at our house he rarely watches telly or goes on the computer and goes back to playing games or reading when in the house with out a grumble (that often!)

he adapts really well to both houses, he understands that we don't like having the telly on all the time

I think my point is that your house, your kids, your choice. and your kids will fit around what you do

themoon66 · 07/09/2008 13:48

Neither of mine had tellies in rooms at primary age. DD saved up her money and bought a tiny one for herself when she was 16. DS was 15 when I let him have one for playing PS games on (no aerial).

I used to get the endless nagging and pleading from DD that 'everyone in my whole school has a telly in their room'. She soon stopped that when I threatened to ballot all the parents at the school gates.

AbbeyA · 07/09/2008 13:55

Sadly, themoon66, if you were to ballot all the parents at the school gates in my area you would find that the vast majority had TV's in their rooms. However I see no need for it to influence my decision in my house.

frazzledbutcalm · 07/09/2008 14:06

ds1 was 11 before he got tv in his room, and then only because in laws bought him it for xmas.

cheeset · 07/09/2008 14:09

My ds has a telly in his room but because he doesn't have an ariel, he can only watch dvd's or videos which are closely monitored by us. Also, he tends/prefers to spend time downstairs with us > so the telly only gets used if he has a friend sleepova or wev'e had enough of him.

For me, in this day and age, the telly isn't a baddie, it's the language that comes out of their friend mouths that trouble me.

IMO, you can monitor the telly in their rooms.

mrsruffallo · 07/09/2008 14:25

YANBU
I can't think why it's necessary for children to have a TV in their bedroom

cheeset · 07/09/2008 14:33

It's not 'necessary' for children to have a telly in their room but I don't see what the big deal is personally.

What are we saying, society is going to break down if the child spends time in thier room with a telly? If they can't watch a movie for an hr & half on their own so parents can do their own thing and a child can watch the movie,then that's a bit sad IMO.

You can monitor them can't you?

daftpunk · 07/09/2008 14:49

i agree with you cheeset, you can monitor what people watch on t.v.

it's the internet you have to really worry about...i wouldn't want my dh spending too much time on-line never mind my kids.

ivykaty44 · 07/09/2008 15:46

agree featherboa..and tbh..most children would rather a laptop in their bedroom these days than t.v's.

That is really dangerous, NO way would my dd have a pc/laptop in her bedroom.

daftpunk · 07/09/2008 16:11

ivykaty44

no, neither would mine.

with t.v's you can at least monitor what they watch..how do you know what their doing on the internet..and more importantly with who?

AbbeyA · 07/09/2008 16:35

I would only have a computer in a communal room with no privacy. I like them to know that someone can walk in at any moment without knocking and will be watching the browsing history.

cheesychips · 07/09/2008 16:51

Only one TV in my house. I have never felt the need for one in my bedroom and so am certainly not going to put one in theirs!

notagrannyyet · 07/09/2008 17:15

We've never had TVs in bedrooms until DC had completed GCSEs.

Eldest 3 are adults now so only have DS3(15),DS4(13), and DS5(11) at home. We still watch most TV as a family....Whatching Gloucester v Tigers now!
We have a spare TV/DVD which is used with Xbox360 etc. but very rarely to watch TV.

DS4 had a dvd player last Christmas which he is allowed to use in his room,(we do check which dvd he's watching though).

DS3 also watches dvds in his room on his laptop. DH records programmes off the TV that DS wants to watch....things like the Tudors.Can't think why he wants to watch this!
It's never been much of an issue really apart from sport and the occasional programme we don't watch much TV.

Sunshinetoast · 07/09/2008 18:48

I started asking for a TV in my room when I was about 14. My parents said I could have a TV when I'd saved the money to pay for it myself. I think I was about 15 when I saved up enough money for a cheap ex rental TV, but I only really watched it when I had friends round (fond memories of The Tube on a Friday evening)

I think I'll follow this rule myself - if you are mature enough to pay for it then you are probably mature enough to not watch it all the time.

MrsWeasley · 07/09/2008 18:53

I have 4 DC's 13,11,9 & 7 and none of them have TV's in their room and wont be whilst I have something to say about it!