Please bear with me on this, it needs some back story, but I would really appreciate views on this.
I have three cousins, let's call them A (female) B and C (males). I have two brothers. The cousins are on my father's side. My father (still alive) had a brother (cousins father, dead) and a sister (unmarried, now dead). Basically, my father's sister was a real cow, miserable old spinster who never got any joy out of life. At various points during her life she had imaginary fall outs with family members, and always threatened to cut people out of her will etc. Anyway, she died about 18 months ago, and left a will which must have been guaranteed to cause a family rift! She left a sum of £5000 to each of: me, my brothers, and cousins B and C. Her house, she left to cousin A. Cousin A had always been the 'favourite' niece, in fact, I don't think any of the nephews were particularly favoured (she didnt 'like' boys!!) though having said that, of course I am a niece, so obviously not as favoured as A! Anyway, the bottom line was that none of us as nephews or nieces were close to the woman, none of us lived near etc so the will was clearly very unfair. Cousin A, at the funeral, admitted this, and said that she would feel dreadful taking the house, and she made a speech to all the family saying she would sell the house (she was an executor of the will) and then everything would be split equally 6 ways ie between the cousins. Another reason this seemed fair to us all, was that the £5000 legacies were not money she had in addition to the value of the house; she had asked that the house be sold and then the £5000 each be given out of the proceeds, with the remainder going to cousin A. Taking the date of the will into account, we realised that in fact at the time of writing, this would have been more equitable ie the house at the time would have been worth only about 45k, so 25k would have gone to five cousins, and then 20k to cousin A - still not equal, but not the huge disparity considering the value of the house at the time of death. Now, 18 months on, the house has been sold for a sum of about 140k. Cousin A suddenly announces that she has had a change of mind, and she will give the other five cousins 10k each, and then keep the rest ie around 90k. The reason she gave is that her children have university costs, will want deposits for houses in the future etc - all very well, but all of us have children who would benefit from the money.I think cousin A is hugely embarrassed about it, having done a U turn, but obviously not embarrassed enough to not be greedy.
I am pretty pissed off, but not really sure how I should be responding. On the one hand, she has given the rest of us 10k each, when actually she could have got away with 5k, and she certainly hasnt acted unlawfully. She's followed the terms of the will, but it's a will that was clearly going to lead to conflict! What also grates a little is that my father is the closest living relative left to the woman anyway. Maybe that shouldnt make a difference, but if kind of makes it seem more of a kick in the teeth. I've talked it over with DH, and he thinks the best response is just to acknowledge the money with a curt note, but then stop any further contact with cousin A. We arent close, but keep in touch at Christmas, occasional meets etc. DH thinks I should be dignified and not start up a family row about it, but at the same time, make it clear through my actions that I think she's being selfish and greedy.
Now - if you've managed to get this far, well done, and please tell me what you think!!