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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dcs be bridesmaids, when they're not invited to the reception afterwards!

134 replies

raindropsonroses · 16/08/2008 18:58

AIBU - I've said no to dh letting the dcs be bridesmaids for his brother's wedding in December.
The reason I've said no, is that there are NO children allowed at the reception afterwards, so we'd have to go straight home after the church service.
Dh is very angry and thinks IABU but I don't think it is fair to treat dcs like wedding accessories!

OP posts:
unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 16/08/2008 19:01

YANBU how very rude. I wouldn't be going at all. I have nothing against child free weddings, at all. But to have them as bridesmaids and say well see ya your not invited to the reception is very selfish, and a bit bridezilla.

LackaDAISYcal · 16/08/2008 19:01

I would do the same thing if I were you, so no YANBU.

The whole weddings/DCs thing can get a bit heated on here so be prepared for some lively debate about it!

aniseed · 16/08/2008 19:02

I agree! Whoever heard of children not being invited to a family event?? Wait until the newlyweds have children then it will be different. The presence of children at events like these enhance the day for all not ruin it. I would say that they can only be bridesmaids if they are allowed to attend the reception. To have them just at the wedding is, as you say, using them to look pretty. It's all or nothing!

beanieb · 16/08/2008 19:02

Oh gosh. How old are they? If they are very little then I think you need to swallow your pride and let them. They may love it, don't a lot of little girls. This is family and so I doubt they have just picked your little girls because they want trophy bridesmaids, they want to include their family but they do have the right to choose an adult reception.

Can't you go and enjoy both parts, seeing your little girls do a beautiful job s bridesmaids and then having a more adult evening - a chance to let your hair down etc.

If they are older (teens) then I thin that it's a bit off.

escape · 16/08/2008 19:03

thats crackers!
sorry, Lacksy - no need for heated debate on this one, its pretty clear.
OP is correct, her DC are literally wedding accessories

pagwatch · 16/08/2008 19:06

I have no problem with people choosing how their wedding is organized. If people want a child free wedding fair enough. But if you are having a child free wedding it seems odd to have children as bridesmaids.

Are other children invited to the wedding but not the reception?

JonahTakalua · 16/08/2008 19:07

Either the children are part of the wedding, which includes ceremony and reception, or they aren't.

I'm surprised that your BIL knows that if your DCs don't go to the reception, then you and your DH can't either, and is still happy to go along with it.

They are pefectly entitled to have a no-children wedding if that is what they want, but then they have to make do without having beautiful little child bridesmaids.

I sense a bridezilla.

YANBU.

hollyandnoah · 16/08/2008 19:07

Why would they not want children at a family event? What do they think's going to happen. :S I was at a wedding reception 2 weeks back, there were lots of children there. Was nice seeing everyone!

Original poster
raindropsonroses · 16/08/2008 19:07

Dcs are 11 and 5. The wedding is a couple of hours drive away, so not convenient to return to the reception after dropping off the children anyway.

OP posts:
palaver · 16/08/2008 19:08

Are they having toasts?

Will they be toasting the bridesmaids in absentia?

Seems very odd to me to invite them to part of the wedding day

savoycabbage · 16/08/2008 19:09

It does seem like madness. They can't expect to have the 'benefits' of having children around without the disadvantages. It is a difficult position for your dh but no, YANBU.

Who do they expect to remove them form the wedding and look after them?

cornsilk · 16/08/2008 19:09

Are you invited to the reception then? Just not your dd's?

WilfSell · 16/08/2008 19:09

YANBU AT ALL.

They are total hypocrites taking the 'child-free' wedding piss. Doubtless you can be reassured that this means your children are VERY beautiful and they wanted them for their angelic faces on their photos.

Aren't kids asked to be bridesmaids etc to supposedly symbolise the future of the couple, fertility, new beginnings and all that?

Farking cheek if you ask me.

TsarChasm · 16/08/2008 19:10

YANBU. How rude to wheel them on as props then expect them to shove off.

I think people are quite entitled to have a child free wedding. No problem with that. But you can't have it all ways. This is just using them. It's horrible

falcon · 16/08/2008 19:10

Child free weddings are quite common actually and I've absolutely no problem with them, but this situation is different.

It's incredibly rude to ask them to participate in the wedding ceremony but not to invite them to the reception.

YANBU.

Earlybird · 16/08/2008 19:11

On the face of it, they're being very unreasonable, but let's break it down:

  1. How old are your dc?
  2. What time of day is the wedding?
  3. Presumably the reception follows straight after? (Trying to determine if a night reception is really too late for little ones to be awake).
  4. How far is it to your home from wedding?
  5. Would it be feasible to take dc home after wedding to be looked after by babysitter so they could sleep, and you/dh could enjoy the reception?
olympicsnotfederer · 16/08/2008 19:12

they are BU

Original poster
raindropsonroses · 16/08/2008 19:12

I'm not sure if other children are invited to the church (in non bridesmaid role).
Dh's sister has agreed to let her dcs be bridesmaids, making me look like the difficult one.

OP posts:
LazyLinePainterJane · 16/08/2008 19:12

So they want the pretty little girls walking down the aisle adding to the effect of their wedding, but want to ship you all off home once you have done your part? How rude!

falcon · 16/08/2008 19:12

And inviting the bridesmaids doesn't mean they have to invite other children, all they need to say is that the wedding party would naturally be invited so they can't use that as an excuse.

spicemonster · 16/08/2008 19:12

That's shockingly rude. Your children are people, not models to be hired for photos. If your brother would like some models for bridesmaids, I'm sure he can hire them.

I'd be really, really pissed off if I were you.

AbbaFan · 16/08/2008 19:13

Agree with the others.

Do as you have planned.

Jojay · 16/08/2008 19:13

Agree with the majority - you either have a child free wedding or you don't.

YANBU

expatinscotland · 16/08/2008 19:13

YANBU.

So you're supposed to stump up for their dresses, clothes for you, transport and possibly lodging, a present.

All so they can be props in her play and then they expect you to piss off back home?

Screw that.

I'm one of those people who doesn't see the big deal about childfree weddings. But if you're gonna talk the talk, walk the walk or piss off.

waldorfsalad · 16/08/2008 19:14

I totally see your point but if your dh wants his dds to be bridesmaids at his brothers wedding then I wouldn't object. I wouldn't be falling over myself to take them to dress fittings though. For some people the ceremony is the important bit and for some people the reception is. I've been to ceremony's before when I haven't been invited to the reception but on dhs side of the family, they only invite close family to the ceremony and have 300+ at the reception.
If they think that they are well behaved enough to be bridesmaids then it seems unlikely that they think they are hooligans who should be banned from society. It is odd.

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