to not let dcs be bridesmaids, when they're not invited to the reception afterwards!

[raindropsonroses]

AIBU - I've said no to dh letting the dcs be bridesmaids for his brother's wedding in December.
The reason I've said no, is that there are NO children allowed at the reception afterwards, so we'd have to go straight home after the church service.
Dh is very angry and thinks IABU but I don't think it is fair to treat dcs like wedding accessories!

YANBU
And yours is probably one of the first AIBU threads to be completely unanimous!

Nothing else to add really. YANBU. Maybe your DH needs to see this.

solidgoldbrass - you may be right I have only met dh's family a handful of times in 12+ years (he was ashamed to introduce them to me, described them as vulgar etc) and they are not fond of me.
I have always found them to be bad mannered, so this shouldn't really surprise me!

• wedding etc is around midday

-ooops haven't shown dh, but I now feel very secure in my decision, so thank you!

May consider attending wedding service, but not allowing dcs to be bridesmaids and buying lovely dresses for them to compensate.

Cali - Life size dolls could work, they haven't met the dcs (well bil did meet eldest a few years ago) so they wouldn't know

peculiar!they want girls there as adornments to perfectly matched accessories not as guests?

Pah

they are individuals and should be treated with courtesy and respect not wheeled out like lil dollies

Wilf I am pleased you're my mate.

YANBU!

I should show this thread to your BIL and future SIL. Perhaps they could dress your daughters and make giant cutout dolls as that is all they appear to want.

SO you and your DH think these people are vulgar and bad mannered and basically you're ashamed to be in any way related to them? Hmm, it's becoming a bit clearer now. THey are smarter than you think. THey don't actually want any of you at the wedding, looking down your noses at them - so they have come up with this cunning plan to make you flounce off and not mess up their day.

why don't you just ask your dds if they want to be bridesmaids or not? i'd be inclined to say they would. either way they miss out on reception, will they want to miss out on being a bridesmaid as well?

How odd.

What are they actually expecting you to do?

1 Stay in a hotel the night before because the children will need to be at bride's house early for hair and dresses.

2 Be at church at 12 noon for the wedding

3 Get the OP to then drive 2 hours to take them home as they are not invited to the do.

4 Get the OP to drive back for 2 hours to the reception and spend the rest of the day with her DH (who wont have any transport!)

5 Sort out babysitters for the children for the rest of the day and possibly night.

No.

Maybe they dont really want your children to be bridesmaids and asked out of politeness as they knew the logisitics were impossible! If they are vile and vulgar maybe they did it to annoy you!!

I'd let them be bridesmaids and take them to the reception after anyway. What are they gonna do, throw 2 wee girls out???

But then I can be a stroppy cow

sgb - I've never met the bride and last saw the groom five years ago, so no opportunities to "look down noses at them" I only get the impression they are ill mannered from little things such as lack of thank you notes for gifts etc, oh and the op subject.
They couldn't possibly know dh thinks them vulgar.
Pheebe - I'm not that brave, apparently they were quite clear about the dcs not being allowed at reception afterwards and probably would say something if we attempted otherwise.

na -eldest dd doesn't want to do it (but I do wonder if she overheard dh and I discussing it), dd 5 we haven't asked, but I'm not sure church service/mass (albeit with pretty dress) will be esp appealing or out of the ordinary for her.

Well I'm usually more than happy to go to a childfree wedding, but I can't understand how they think this can work if it's 2 hours away and you're heavily pregnant.

If they're expecting you to turn up at the church and then act as taxi driver to take the kids home whilst your dh goes to the reception I would be and sticking my oar in. I would tell dh that is completely unacceptable.

Either it's a babysitter all day no bridesmaids and you and dh at the entire wedding + reception.

or

it's all of you at the church, bridesmaid bit, then all of you (including dh) home again.

Anything else treats you as some sort of skivvy.

oh or third option of it's not worth driving 2 hours for a church service for someone you never see or know so none of you go!

Good plan Pheebe

Have they actually said why they want them as bridesmaids but not at reception after? Have you talked logistics with them?

Is there more than one family member involved in this decision? Wedding I went to years ago pre-kids was childfree because the mother of the groom did not want all her family's children there and asked bride and bride's family to do the same so that her preferences were not obvious! The bride(my friend) regretted giving in and is still unsure as to whether she let her family down, althought tbh all I seem to remember is everyone having a great time!!

If they want them for the photos and you go ahead with it they will have to explain someday to your adult DDs why they did not want them at the reception.

if this were my sister's wedding (i have no brothers) and she suggested something like this i wouldn't hesitate to tell her where to stick it.

Btw, in your OP, you said your DH was very angry. With his brother and the bridezilla? Or with you for objecting to the plan, not unreasonably, in my opinion.

Hang on a minute, am I right in thinking this 'bride' has never met your dds and yet she wants them to be her bridesmaids???

Thats just plain odd

ihbr - dh is angry with me, because it's his brother getting married and dcs might not get another chance to be bridesmaids in the future.

Ph - that's right bride hasn't met me or dcs. BIL last saw dc(5) when she was a few weeks old, and eldest dd was nearly 6.