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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dcs be bridesmaids, when they're not invited to the reception afterwards!

134 replies

raindropsonroses · 16/08/2008 18:58

AIBU - I've said no to dh letting the dcs be bridesmaids for his brother's wedding in December.
The reason I've said no, is that there are NO children allowed at the reception afterwards, so we'd have to go straight home after the church service.
Dh is very angry and thinks IABU but I don't think it is fair to treat dcs like wedding accessories!

OP posts:
hercules1 · 16/08/2008 20:36

The right thing to do would be to let dh deal with it. However, I'd want to tell them to stuff it.

ihatebikerides · 16/08/2008 20:36

Yeah, but that condones the rudeness of the bride and groom. They might excuse the OP's absence as being about to have the baby, not as a stand of principle. I think they should be told why the OP is not going, and that it's unacceptable for the girls not to be included in the reception.

Also, if Dh goes alone with the girls, what is he going to do with them afterwards?

olympicsnotfederer · 16/08/2008 20:39

he will have to bring them home (2 hour drive) which would completely piss off any normal person

littlelapin · 16/08/2008 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeaver · 16/08/2008 20:46

I'm with expat on this - usually my view in this debate is "what's the big deal? leave the kids at home and have a good time" BUT this is ridiculous.

Let's be charitable: have they actually thought this through? When you said you wouldn't be going (and presumably explained why) what did they say? Did they say "Oh shit, we didn't think about you guys, of course the dcs should come to the reception"?? Presumably not. In which case they're a pair of selfish twits and you need to tell EVERYONE you know who's going to the wedding, EXACTLY why you're not going.

This one ranks alongside that wedding thread a while ago about the couple who didn't like the gift and phoned up to say so (remember? it was an ornament iirc)

squeaver · 16/08/2008 20:47

Oh just re-read the OP. Maybe you haven't had the conversation with them yet - in which case be very explicit.

CoteDAzur · 16/08/2008 21:01

Whether or not your DCs are bridesmaids, you will not be able to attend reception, I assume? (because children are not allowed) And whether or not your DCs are bridesmaids, you will attend church wedding?

So are we debating whether your DC will be holding the flowers or sitting next to you on the benches in the church?

nappyaddict · 16/08/2008 21:04

i presume sil is having a babysitter at her house for her dc? can your dds not be included in that arrangement too?

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 16/08/2008 21:06

YANBU.

I take it from one of your posts that the bride-to-be has never met your kids? I don't understand that either, asking kids she's never met to be her bridesmaids

Sounds like she wants them there for the photos. I'd tell her to stuff it.

ihatebikerides · 16/08/2008 21:06

nappy - even if the logistics can be catered for here, I think this one is non-negotiable. I'm also usually of the opinion that child-free weddings are OK (chance to enjoy yourself without wondering who your kids are pissing off) but this is a completely different kettle of fish.

nappyaddict · 16/08/2008 21:09

but even if her dds aren't bridesmaids they still can't go to the reception so if she did want to go to the reception that would be a possible solution.

meglet · 16/08/2008 21:10

YANBU. How very very rude! .

TheSmallClanger · 16/08/2008 21:19

YANBU. Very rude, and especially as the 11yo is old enough to be aware of/embarrassed about being shunted off after the photos.

As everyone else has said, childfree wedding=fine. Rolling out your relatives' kids for photos when it suits you, and expecting them to sod off afterwards=not fine.

squeaver · 16/08/2008 21:27

Yes, having children you've never met to be your bridesmaids is VERY odd. I don't think I've ever heard of that before. Do you think they thought they should have them? I don't know. they thought it was expected or something...

God knows why I keep trying to see their side of things. You are so totally in the right here.

nappyaddict · 16/08/2008 21:29

is it an afternoon reception or evening reception?

Heated · 16/08/2008 21:31

YANBU

Have you shown your dh this thread?

Is she being a bridezilla or just completely unthinking?

JuneBugJen · 16/08/2008 21:31

They are young and in love. They do not know the misery of trying to find babysitters, arranging stuff around children etc.

They are inconsiderate about that part, but prob just asking to have your dc's as a nice gesture.

Be generous with their fuckwitism. Ask what they would rather. To have all of you there all the time or just the adults.

After all, the only thing worse than a bridesilla is a guestzilla!

OurHamsterisevil · 16/08/2008 22:24

YANBU. Totally ridiculous situation

AbbeyA · 16/08/2008 22:32

YANBU-it is an outrageous suggestion!
I don't think you should go, but if you were to do it I would make sure you nip off before they get around to the photographs!

mumeeee · 16/08/2008 22:37

YANBU. Bridesmaids are part of the whole proceedings includintg the reception.

2shoes · 16/08/2008 22:40

yanbu

warthog · 16/08/2008 22:44

yanbu.

they're not commodities to be used and discarded.

but then i'd wash my hands of it and leave it ALL up to my dh. i would not go to the wedding.

katiepotatie · 16/08/2008 22:44

YANBU - Bridesmaids are part of the whole day, if they are not wanted at the reception then they shouldn't have asked.

GordonRamsay · 16/08/2008 22:45

YANBU

How very ill-mannered of them.

solidgoldbrass · 16/08/2008 22:45

It does all sound a bit odd. I wonder if there is something that either we are not being told or the OP is unaware of: like, for instance, are her H's whole family not particularly accepting of her? Because it's coming across as though they see both the OP and her DDs as sort of accessories to her DH, so they have invited his children to feature in the wedding but expect his 'family' ie the OP and the DDs, to be there for the wedding but then to be put back in their box because it's only the DH that they care about.