to not let dcs be bridesmaids, when they're not invited to the reception afterwards!

[raindropsonroses]

AIBU - I've said no to dh letting the dcs be bridesmaids for his brother's wedding in December.
The reason I've said no, is that there are NO children allowed at the reception afterwards, so we'd have to go straight home after the church service.
Dh is very angry and thinks IABU but I don't think it is fair to treat dcs like wedding accessories!

Blimey: pro and anti-children at weddings united in their disgust!

Let's gang up on the bridezilla and reduce her to a quivering wreck

Go to the wedding but suggest they hire some models to act as bridesmaids.
After all, they're not inviting your dds because they want to include them, are they?
Your dds are there to walk up and down the aisle and look pretty in the photos, that's all.

Fair enough to have a child free wedding, but a bit of a cheek asking for children to be ferried in for the church and photos, then off they sod when they're no longer convenient.

How weird.

YANBU.

One wedding I'd take pleasure in boycotting

Definitely YANBU.

Seems very strange. And how difficult to explain to your DC - especially the 11 year old - why they can't go to the party afterwards? Poor girls.

So your children are 11 and 5 and you live a couple of hours drive away, so i am guessing they expect you to pretty the DC up and stright after the wedding photos get a hotel room and take the children there and leave them with a temp nanny and return to the reception?

It is an excuse to make you look like the bad one in all of this, ignore them they will get theirs one day.

YANBU AT ALL

Just read that it is 2 hours away! Screw them!

I can see how they could get away with it if it was were you lived and you could arrange for someone else to look after them. Do they expect you to drive 2 hours, go to 30min wedding, drive 4hr round trip to drop dds with friends, and then drive 2 hours home again to pick up dds.

How is your Sil managing to do it?

Is your DH's sister going home after the service too then?

Apart from the rudeness aspect, it must be pretty obvious that then you won't be able to attend the rest of the wedding. Is that what your BIL wants? That his sister and brother aren't there except for the church bit? Seems very odd indeed

How old are SIL DC?

Are they local to the venue?

And ring your sister in law, and explain to her exactly why you're not going to let them go.

And if the whole family think you're difficult SO WHAT? You daughters can be proud of you in years to come for respecting them as individuals and defending their wellbeing.

Promise them a mahoosive day out somewhere great instead.

pmsl at the outrageous rudeness of some people.
banish the children! let our precious party not be defiled by them!
YANBU

Ask SIL for advice on how to explain to the dds they can't come to the party. Also ask if she's providing childcare, or can your parents come to the church, perhaps, so they can then take the dds home. I sincerely hope that the bride and groom are paying for the bridesmaids outfits.

This is a hard one.....poor dds to miss out on being bridesmaids, but they've given you a very impractical situation to sort out.

No one will get out of this one unscathed.

I think they should make an exception for your dc, as they are part of the wedding party. Also, at ages 5 and 11, they are old enough not to 'disrupt' the reception. Agree it makes no sense to drive home to drop dc and return to reception.

Why not ask them to arrange (and pay for) a creche for all 'uninvited' children of guests? I'm only half joking....

is te reception late at night or something? Sounds pretty unreasonable either way but tbh, I think you should let dh have the final decision and sort everything out as it's his brother.

what everyone else said.

YANBU - I have no problem with child free weddings, but to expect to have children as bridesmaids but ban them from the reception is beyond cheeky - especially if you are having to travel a fair way to take them!
I agree with willsell - 'phone the bridezilla yourself and ask why they can't come to the reception. I'm sure she'll give you some lame-ass excuse about it would be fair on so-and-so who have kids that are not invited!

Send them an empty box wrapped up in pretty paper for their 'present'. Just a prop for the 'photos'

I don't see what's wrong with a polite, 'Thank you for the opportunity, but because of the distance and the childfree reception it's just not going to be practical for the girls to participate.'

yanbu.

YANBU at all - for all of the reasons already given. No - completely irrational and a horrible situation for you to be put in.

If you do decide to let them be bridesmaids (and I can see the pressure from both your girls and your dh forcing you to rescind) then I would be tempted to let bridezilla and your BIL know exactly how you feel about their ridiculous request.

FGS - your children are 5 and 11 - hardly any danger of them 'wrecking' the ceremony. Am on your behalf - and I don't even know you!!

Good luck.

Really think you need to discuss more with dh or you will be the big bad witch in the mix. Does he not see your point of view?

I think that gets the message across nicely expat.
Of course I would end it with '...participate, obviously, you total dunderhead' which mightn't go down as well...

YANBU. I had a similar thing with my dad's wedding. My dd was the only child that they could've invited. They decided no children, but could she be in the photos and then come for the evening reception. she was 1 So I said no, that I understood if they didn't want children ther but it was unreasonable to expect mil to come and wait around with dd, deliver her on demand and then leave in the evening. I also said that an evening only invite for a 1 yo was IMO inappropriate.

He did change his mind and dd came along to the entire day. Gotta love bridezillas[rolls eyes]

YANBU Children of that age are unlikely to disrupt a reception. I would be tempted to understand your husband and say something like "it's his brother wedding" but if you are 2 hours away is plain and simple... very rude.

How about going to the ceremony and as soon as you get out of the church door say "it was a lovely service. The dds so enjoyed being bridesmaids. We'll get off now so you can get to the reception" Thus allowing the photographer to get a quick snap of the bridesmaids racing to the car.