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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to keep a dvd that my 3 year old accidently stole from a supermarket today?

326 replies

goodomen · 12/08/2008 20:25

I was shopping at a major supermarket today and had agreed to let dd have a dvd for 5.99. She was holding it in the trolley.

Basically I forgot to give to the check out person to swipe so we didn't pay for it.
I only realised this after I had strapped my other 2 children in to the car and was lifting dd out of the trolley and saw it on her knee.
I didn't want to have to go all the way back in.
I feel a bit guilty, but then again I must have spent thousands of pounds at this shop over the years.

What do you think. AIBU to keep it? Is it stealing? Do I worry too much?

OP posts:
SparklyGothKat · 13/08/2008 16:53

Yes stealing is bad, but what LMB and myself (who is an old timer btw) were saying is that not all newbies or people that joined because of Mothercare (god forbid) are not all thieves. Bree has a way of being 'holier than thou' in her posts, and is very pointy. I also have an image of a graceful woman who is sneery of bree.

OP good for you for phoning the store.

turquoise · 13/08/2008 16:59

I agree with Custy and SPGK that Bree put her point a bit sanctimoniously. BUT - if you read through the thread, it was a fair point - the bulk of the posters saying "it's stealing, it's wrong" are older posters, those saying "don't worry, it's only tescos, no big deal" seem to be younger, newer posters. Not an 'us and them' thing - but possibly an indication of the entitlement culture that Expat mentioned - which is worrying, especially on a parenting forum.

goodomen · 13/08/2008 17:00

Expat, I love 'The Grapes or Wrath' and thing it much more than a 'revolutionary statement'.
It is completely relevant today especially tackling issues like immigration, poverty and the social class system.

I think Bree was right in saying that stealing is wrong, and it definately was in my case which is why I will pay for the dvd.

She should read the book to see that life is not black and white and peoples decisions and morals are nothing to do with social status, and insinuating otherwise shows a distinct lack of education and class.

OP posts:
goodomen · 13/08/2008 17:09

LittleMissBliss thank you for sticking up for me on this thread

OP posts:
Tortington · 13/08/2008 18:04

lmb can't answer you dear, she has had her allotted posts.

DarrellRivers · 13/08/2008 18:05

hee hee
[quicky leaves]

DarrellRivers · 13/08/2008 18:06

[quickly]
uugh

LittleMissBliss · 13/08/2008 18:26

goodomen Thats ok!

ingnore Custardo we all know she is just jealous of my youth and good looks!

Tortington · 13/08/2008 18:29

oi - you've had your allotment!

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 13/08/2008 21:02

GOmen

I read the Grapes of Wrath, twenty years ago. It is a powerful book.

It does not at any point condone stealing, when your back is not to the wall. It was about bitter poverty and oppression

This is chapter 14,IMO a turning point in the book.

The Western land, nervous under the beginning change. The Western states, nervous as horses before a thunderstorm. The great owners, nervous, sensing a change, knowing nothing of the nature of the change. The great owners, striking at the immediate thing, the widening government, the growing labor unity; striking at new taxes, at plans; not knowing these things are results, not causes. Results, not causes; results, not causes. The causes lie deep and simply ? the causes are hunger in the stomach, multiplied one million times; a hunger in a single soul, hunger for joy and some security, multiplied one million times; muscles and mind aching to grow, to work, to create, multiplied one million times. The last clear definite function of men ? muscles aching to work, minds aching to create beyond the single need ? this is man.

To build the wall, to build a house, the dam, and in the wall and house and dam to put something of Manself, and to Manself take back something of the wall, the house, the dam; to take heart muscles from the lifting, to take the clear lines and form from conceiving. For man, unlike anything organic or inorganic in the universe, grows beyond his work, walks up the stairs of his concepts, emerges ahead of his accomplishments. This you say is man ? when theories change and crash, when schools, philosophies, when narrow dark alleys of thought, national, religious, economic, grow and disintegrate, man reaches, stumbles forward, painfully, mistakenly sometimes. Having stepped forward, he may slip back, but only half a step, never the full step back. This you may say and know it and know it. This you may know when the bombs plummet out of the black planes on the marketplace, when prisoners are stuck like pigs, and the crushed bodies drain filthily in the dust. You may know it in this way. If the step were not being taken, if the stumbling forward ache were not alive, the bombs would not fall, the throats would not be cut. Fear the time when the bombs stop falling while the bombers live ? for every bomb is proof that the spirit has not died. And fear the time when the strikes stop while the great owners live ? for every little beaten strike is proof that the step is being taken. In this you can know ? fear the time when manself will not suffer and die for a concept, for this one quality is the foundation of man self, in this one quality is man, distinctive in the universe.

The Western states, nervous under the beginning change. Texas and Oklahoma, Kansas in Arkansas, New Mexico, Arizona, California. A single family moved from the land. Pa borrowed money from the bank, and now the bank wants the land. The land company ? that's the bank when it has land ? wants tractors, not families on the land. Is a tractor bad? Is the power that turns the long furrows wrong? If this tractor were ours it would be good ? not mine, but ours. If our tractor turned the long furrows of our land, it would be good. Not my land, but ours. We could love that tractor then as we have loved this land when it was ours. But this tractor does two things ? it turns land and turns us off the land. There is little difference between this tractor and a tank. The people are driven, intimidated, hurt by both. We must think about this.

One man, one family driven from the land; this rusty car creaking along the highway to the West. I lost my land, a single tractor took my land. I'm alone and I am bewildered. In the night one family camps in a ditch and other family pulls in and the tents come out. The two men squat on their hams and the women and children listen. Here's the node, you who hate change and fear revolution. Keep these two squatting men apart; make them hate, fear, suspect each other. Here is the anlage of the thing you fear. This is the zygote. For here "I lost my land" is changed; a cell is split and from its splitting grows the thing you hate ? "we lost our land." The danger is here, for two men are not as lonely and perplexed as one. And from his first "we" there grows a still more dangerous thing; "I have a little food" plus "I have none". If from this problem the sum is "we have a little food", the thing is on its way, the movement has direction. Only a little multiplication now, and this land, this tractor are ours. The two-men squatting in a ditch, the little fire, the side-meat stewing in a single pot, the silent, stone-eyed women; behind, the children listening with their souls to words their minds do not understand. The night draws down. The baby has a cold. Here, take this blanket. It's wool. It was my mothers blanket ? take it for the baby. This is the thing to bomb. This is the beginning ? from "I" to "we".

If you who own the things people must have could understand this, you might preserve yourself. If you could separate causes from results, if you could know that Paine, Marx, Jefferson, Lenin were results, not causes, you might survive. But that you cannot know. For the quality of owning freezes you forever into "I", and cuts you off forever from the "we".

The Western states are nervous under the beginning change. Need is the stimulus to concept, concept to action. A half-million people moving over the country; one million more restive, ready to move; 10 million more feeling the first nervousness.

And tractors turning the multiple furrows in the vacant land.

Are you sure you meant the Grapes of Wrath ??

I know I was a bit aggravated last night, but I have a moral code and I live by it. And yes that includes, leaving a post-it note on the vending machine.

Quattrocento · 13/08/2008 21:06

Yes I didn't understand the Grapes of Wrath reference. I've read the GoW many times. Somehow it didn't seem relevant to this case.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 13/08/2008 21:12

Thank you Quattro, I spent the evening re reading it until I got to what I consider the defining moment.

Glad it was not just me.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2008 21:13

It was a good book. I prefer East of Eden, though.

But yes, I'm struggling to see the juxtaposition between people starving to death during a worldwide depression and not immediately returning an unintentionally stolen item to a supermarket when it's well in one's power to do so.

DillyTanty · 13/08/2008 21:22

we ALL have a sodding moral code that we live by, Bree.
as strongly as you might feel about stealing, there are those of us who find rampant snobbery just as disagreeable and who would be equally worried about our children picking up on that casual unpleasantness as witnessing us leave a shop with a cd. in my personal moral hierarchy, they're both highly dangerous life lessons.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 13/08/2008 21:26

DT

Strokes for folks.

I make no apologies for having the moral values I have.

If my DS sees my moral values as snobbery, so be it, the message will have gone in.

Stealing is wrong on any level.

My very last post on this subject.

IorekByrnison · 13/08/2008 21:30

I thought the defining moment in Grapes of Wrath was the bit at the end when the girl breastfeeds the old man.

Don't tell me that happened in Tescos?

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 13/08/2008 21:32

I am not here...

policywonk · 13/08/2008 21:33

My mother referred to that bit a lot IB (and not just towards the end).

DillyTanty · 13/08/2008 21:33

it's like you're not reading what you're actually writing, Bree...

like 99.9 per cent of the posters on here (including me, i find myself saying for the fiftieth time), you think that stealing is wrong. great, good for you. and EVERYONE ELSE. you are Not Unusual, you do see that, don't you?

however, being ghastly and superior about the 'calibre' of person posting on here throughout your many years of MN 'active service' ( you do realise it's just a forum, not a human rights charity?) is not pleasant behaviour to witness. it's not christian, it's not morally righteous and i imagine if you were to ask your priest he'd happily tell you that you should add snobbery to your list of 'must avoids' on your personal moral code.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2008 21:37

I'm getting scunnered here because I actually want to hear British peoples' take on The Grapes of Wrath, being the English major I was.

Can we just say fuck the CD and talk about Grapes of Wrath?

goodomen · 13/08/2008 21:51

I wasn't using 'The Grapes of Wrath' in reference to the stealing.
I meant about the snobbery and assumptions about peoples morals based on their social position that you made.
This reminded me of the Oakies in the book.

Chapter 14 is awesome. John Steinbeck was a poet. Not the defining moment of the book IMO.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 13/08/2008 21:56

ach dinnae get the scunner

GoW read it years ago.real social conscience stuff.alwys remember the altruism of Rosasharn breastfeeding the stranger

to the op- the child with dvd it was inadvertent taking BUT you purposefully overlooked that in favour of your immediate needs that is stealing

try intellectualise this any ole way you want

  • multimillion pound chain they can take a loss
-No Biggie
  • you shop their lots

MMMMMM nope tis stealing

goodomen · 13/08/2008 22:00

ScottishMummy, Yes I know if I was to keep it without paying it would be stealing.
I am not going to do this.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 13/08/2008 22:05

fair enough goodomen!my LO stuck a carton of milk in footmuff other day i had to go back and offer to pay

they declined
i was mortified

i do sympathise elastic wee arms can secrete items

Reginaphilangy · 13/08/2008 22:12

Can't quite believe this is still going on??

OP is returning the goods and has therefore answered her own question, which incidentally was "Am I Being Unreasonable to keep a dvd that my 3 year old accidently stole from a supermarket today?" Thought i'd better mention that as it seems to have moved on to be about snobbery somehow ...