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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that my nanny cant cope with looking after my children full time in the holidays ?

475 replies

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 13:22

Thats it really. We were away for the first 2 weeks.She has had them for 3 weeks and only has this week to go then she has a week off which is costing me a fortune to cover and then she has 3 days one week and 2 days the next and they are back to school.

Told me this am that she cant cope with having them 11 hors a day in the hols its just too exhausting and she spent all weekend in bed feeling poorly with the stress of it all.

She gets paid full time wages all year rund and has lots of perks ( and I maen lots ).

She seemed to be suggesting that they could go to holiday club so she could get on with some studying during the day!!!

I was so gobsmacked I just left and acme to work!

To be honest Im not expecting to get any replies to this as you will I am sure be too shocked to type!

OP posts:
Tiramissu · 16/08/2008 13:01

ShinyPinkShoes
I didnt say at all that as parent you have to be nice to your nanny. I said if you dont get on you should replace her for the children s sake. Is not about taking the parents side or the nanny's side. It's about taking the children's side.
I said to DB that if you dislike your nanny so much and you think so little about her ('you cant get out...') then it is not going to work out and the children will pick on.
And no i wouldn't use this phrase about my nanny. Simply because if i thought she is so thick then i wouldn't leave my children 11 hours with her. IF she was trully so thick then i would simply replace her instead of slagging her off on the net.

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/08/2008 13:08

Oh shush now Tiramissu, now your are boring me.

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 13:10

Tiramissu,

Don't think anyone has ever said that DB's [cough] nanny was thick just that unless it involved her spending someone elses money or time duringworkinghours for her to do her own thing she is not on the ball.

Crumbs had i been this ineffectual i would have been out of a job but, DB has given her chance after chance and it has recently become more than an annoyance, it has become a big thing when DB's DS is left bored and needing some stimulation / direction / attention and all said nanny can do is whine and leave notes when it is her JOB to give said children the attention and care that she is being paid hansomely to provide, bearing in mind she gets a full weeks pay for 11 hours yet for the majority of the time has very easy hours.

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 13:11

That Cat is a mystery to me SPS

And i knew i didn't like that pudding for a reason and it is becoming clearer and clearer to me now

Tiramissu · 16/08/2008 13:18

Yes MatNanPlus
that's what i am saying too. That its not point giving her change after change IF she is truly as bad then the best would be to replace her and everybody (parents,nanny, Children) would be happier.

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 16/08/2008 13:25

I said the nanny was dim.
I think she is - she's told to up her game, manages it for 1 day then backslides.
She hasn't the wit of an egg cup if she can't come up with a half decent excuse for not bothering to collect stuff on a walk.

I mean, it's hardly rocket science, is it?
"See what you can find in the woods."
FFS Winnie the Pooh could do it.

I think what God left out was some initiative.

And I don't get the impression that db dislikes the nanny - I think she's exasperated by her, and finds her difficult to manage, and feels let down by the nanny's lack of professionalism.

PS who is miss tabs?
PPS It's me - Fabio.
This is my staycation name.
Have you seen The Great Escape?

ka-thud

ka-thud

ka-thud

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 13:30

But Tira said n says she loves the job and the DC

Exactly Fabio it isn't hard to do really is it, the 18mo here managed it and did a picture

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/08/2008 13:31

LOL

Fabio you make me larf!

Miss Tabs is my cat that's not her real name though

Still none the wiser on who you are tho

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 13:33

SPS i thought putting -HRH- was a bit of a give away

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 13:33

[duh] HRH obviously

AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 10:42

"The thing is I am very very busy at work which is why I have a nanny..."

I think you said it yourself. You have a nanny to reduce your workload, but can reasobaly look at this situation and say that this nanny makes your life easier and not harder.

This nanny is crap. You already know that because everytime you post one of these threads the concensus is overwhelming.

The only question I have is why do you put up with it? It is because you think putting up with her is less effort than replacing her? It's not because she is irreplacable because it would very unlikely to end with another nanny who is as bad as she is. What do your kids think? Do they like her? Is her presense a good influence.

I woould sit down with her and have a talk. I would hand over a written list of expectations. If these were not fulfilled in one week's time I would sit down again and give her a verbal warning. If after another week they were not up to par, I would hand her a written warning. Then, I would give another week and terminate her on the spot.

Her performance in unacceptable... Why is she still there?

Original poster
demandingboss · 18/08/2008 11:48

Because I am useless at confrontation and even when we did sit down with her she cant see what the problems are.She is on a weeks holiday now and left 2 huge baskets of ironing to be done ( she swapped this for nursery dutie s a while back ). So I spent the weekend doing it!This was all becaus eshe didnt plan her week properly so that the washing was up to date and ready to be ironed before she went away.

Anyway have instrucyed an agency this am to find me a parttime afterschool nanny which is all I really need and when I get one I will make her redundant. Talking with the agency this am there are dozens of nannies being made redundant in our area at the moment as the credit crunch bites and by all accounts I should be able to replace her fairly easily with one that will suit me well.

Ill keep you all posted. Please dont think bad of me. My problem is I constantly worry I am being unfair on her or expecting too much but its clear I am not!

OP posts:
squiffy · 18/08/2008 11:52

Tiramissu, well.... I was going to comment on your posts, but....I just don't know how to put it. Anything I say will just wind you up again.... Have a think about your career choice. Seriously. You haven't come over well. You will need a big bucket of good nature, and a very thick skin, and a sense of humour, if you want your business to take off.

DB. Cannot believe she has slipped so quickly.

You know what to do.

Do it.

And I say that as one who prevaricated for months and months with a nanny v similar to this. I have never looked back.

squiffy · 18/08/2008 11:55

Ah X posts, db

Hope you find someone soon. And send the ironing out in the meantime

AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 12:54

I don't think you can make her redundant and then hire someone else. The hours are very different, but I think you have to offer the position to her first. I could be wrong. But, you might need to think about terminating her.

Of course, if you give her written notice that the job is changing to live-out and shorter hours for less pay she might be quite happy to pack up on her own.

Just make sure you protect yourself as an employer as she does not sound like a fun person to have as a disgruntled employee.

I would give her a warning just to set the ball in motion in case you need it.

And, if you are crap at this, get your DH to do it.

Original poster
demandingboss · 18/08/2008 13:03

AN you are right. I have to offer her the job but I think the job will be 7 hours a day live out , no car and about £8 per hour. She wont take it as she can't manage on what she earns now. And if she does well at least i have saved a packet of dough as it were.

Get this she spent £30 on lunch for her and one DC on Friday plus another £20 on entrance to a local stately home with a gude book. £50 on entertaining one 9 year old who would have been just as happy to spend the day baking!

OP posts:
AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 13:09

Why have you not installed a kitty/budget. I gave my nanny £100 to spend for to entertain two kids for the whole of August for 12+ hours a day. She was sick last last week and worked anyway (bless her!).

Just put £150 in a tin and tell her to make it last. If it doesn't then they can spen their days at the pool in the back garden as a punishment.

STOP LETTING HER WALK ALL OVER YOU

AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 13:15

In fact, just pull back on the perks and she will leave out of disgust.

Give her £150 for the month. If she runs out, too bad.

Take the car away except for necessary kiddy ferrying. (clock the miles)

MAke her work during all of her working hours. If the kids are in school, give her a list of cleaning/tidying/organising chores and tell her roughly how long to spend on each one.

Stop buying food she likes which you consider to be an extravagence which you would not have for yourself. Expect her to coook from scratch. If she doesn't know how, buy her a cook book.

If you really can't do this, (for a small fee) I can come do it for you.

ReallyTired · 18/08/2008 13:19

If I was you I would take her saying that she can't look after two children full time and wants them to attend holiday club during the summer holidays as her deciding to resign.

You need to talk to a solitor to make sure you are within the law and write an approipate letter.

I think it would be foolish to make her work her notice. If I was you I would give her a cheque for one months pay.

Holiday clubs are excellent value for money and many children love them. There is something to satisy almost any interest.

rookiemater · 18/08/2008 13:57

DB, good for you for coming up with a solution to the problem.

It is very easy for us, sitting on the outside to tell you what you should do, but when it is the person who looks after your children and lives in your house, it must be very difficult.

From everything that you have posted, I think that by terminating your nannys contract you will be doing the right thing both for yourselves and for her. She is clearly in the wrong career so being given notice from what sounds like an easy nanny job, should give her the wake up call she clearly needs to decide what she should be doing.

I hope it works out well for you.

cheesychuff · 18/08/2008 20:51

I'm finding all this a bit sad.
She is supposed to be looking after them 'eleven hours a day'.
They sleep for what, 9-10 hours??
You get to see them for 2-3 hours a day during the week?
And this is called MUMSnet?
As someone who took ages to have kids, why did you bother?

squiffy · 18/08/2008 21:39

oh well done for your constructive contribution to the atter in hand, chuff

now kindly fuck off.

blueskythinker · 18/08/2008 21:54

I agree chuff, DB should hand the kids back.

expatinscotland · 18/08/2008 22:01

if you have problems with confrontation, can you enlist your husband or partner for help with this?

oi · 18/08/2008 22:01

oh she sounds hopeless

it's hard getting rid of people but her heart's not in it and once your heart is gone, I don't think she should be left in charge of the children. You want to try and ensure the best situation for them and this doesn't sound like it.

Having said that, I'd have a look at employment law because now that she's told you she is stressed, I think you may have to show that you are trying to help her deal with that (cannot remember details....you don't want to be done for unfair dismissal though, if she's been with you for longer than a year).