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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that my nanny cant cope with looking after my children full time in the holidays ?

475 replies

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 13:22

Thats it really. We were away for the first 2 weeks.She has had them for 3 weeks and only has this week to go then she has a week off which is costing me a fortune to cover and then she has 3 days one week and 2 days the next and they are back to school.

Told me this am that she cant cope with having them 11 hors a day in the hols its just too exhausting and she spent all weekend in bed feeling poorly with the stress of it all.

She gets paid full time wages all year rund and has lots of perks ( and I maen lots ).

She seemed to be suggesting that they could go to holiday club so she could get on with some studying during the day!!!

I was so gobsmacked I just left and acme to work!

To be honest Im not expecting to get any replies to this as you will I am sure be too shocked to type!

OP posts:
JuneBugJen · 15/08/2008 18:55

ah - glad to hear all went...well?

see how it goes. at least your cards are on the table now and you can know that even if it doesn't work out at least you gave her the 'heads up' about her nannying..

Just so you know, I complained about my cleaner taking the piss on MN a couple of weeks ago and everyone said to sack them, so after much pondering I did.

Had THE best cleaners come in the other day! My house looks so beeeeutiful. So happy I listened to the advice. Perhaps a change of nanny for you is not such a silly thing..?

(Not saying your dcs are anything like my enormous dust bunnies under our bed!)

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 19:21

Yes, DB i have been a nanny years ago. The majority of the families i ve worked have been very nice.
I just think that nannies like to work using their initiative and the whole thing only works if the relationship between parents and nanny is good. This benefits everybody AND the children.
So on this principle i think that your phrase about your nanny was ringing alarm bells

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 19:29

I don't disagree with you Tiramissu but my nanny is plain lazy. We get the bare minimum and therfore leaving her to work on her initiative just ends up with her being there with the children but not actually stimulating them in anyway unless she has money to spend.

We are nice which is why she stays and when we suggested that maybe she is finding the job boring and it might be time for her own professional development to move on she was horrified because she knows she wont find such a good job elsewhere. Sadly that is not enough it seems to get her to work a tad harder to help us.

OP posts:
Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 19:47

Well if she worked as a nanny for 20 years i am sure she can find job again.
Something doesnt add up.
I said earlier that most of my families have been v.nice. But i ve worked for a mum who said i am over-qualified for her and she didn't like the fact that i was full of ideas and able to organise the activities.(this didnt leave room for her to be in control and to look 'clever'). So i am a bit puzzled that you are calling her names on the internet but you dont get rid of her.
Unless you are really so kind and fair...in which case i might be wrong.
I just like to look at both sides especially been a former nanny myself

MatNanPlus · 15/08/2008 19:49

Crumbs DB that new try harder thinking certainly didn't stick around with the nanny very long .. eh.

Sorry Tiramissu but this nanny is taking the proverbial and she does it in the full knowledge DB is a kindly employer.

Most employers would have started the DP or even got rid of by now, but she gets chance after chance and it seems her word is a good as the weather in the UK currently - changable.

DB not an easy situation but maybe a change before Oct Hols appear would be best.

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 20:02

MatNatPlus
i am not taking the nanny's side. If was me i whould have got rid of.
Unless there is more into the story...
or this is the nanny that DB wants (and something to complain about)
After nannying i worked briefly for a nanny agency. You ll be surprised how many mums said they want a nanny who is not 'too intelligent' or 'too proactive'.
But as i said earlier if the OP says things as they really are, then yes she is very kind. Too kind.

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 15/08/2008 20:33

Tiramisu you sound a bit anti-boss of nannies tbh.

There's more to this story than this thread. Employing a nanny is a complex business and sometimes you have to consider what you'll put up with versus what's a deal breaker. Why would making a negative comment about a substandard employee set alarm bells ringing? This nanny isn't dangerous, she's lazy and dim.

And I agree that db has been too kind to this nanny. But lol 'you can't put in what God left out'

MatNanPlus · 15/08/2008 20:45

Ok Tiramusu

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 21:07

Captain - If you read more carefully you will see that i said i would get red of the nanny.
And as i said earlier have worked for Agency so i know a lot about employing nannies, thank you
But i still think that phrase wasnt the kindest

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 15/08/2008 22:43

Yes i know you said you'd get rid of the nanny.
I know about employing nannies too.
No need to patronise.

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 22:45

look at the risk of sounding arrogant i dont need anything to complain about. I am a very successful lawyer and I have complete respect for those who make their careers out of doing well what I am not so good at. I am ashamed that i couldnt stay at home and look after my children well .I am delighted that I can afford to pay for help. What I find hard is that I treat my nanny very well and she takes me for a ride. Humnan Nature I guess.

I really appreciate Mumsnet. I work in a high octane world and I expect of others often what I give which is so unfair. to me postingon here for advice is a leveller..

I agree that the phrase maybe wasnt the kindest but I can assure you tiramissu that my nanny is in clover with our job which is why she is still here and I am up at this time on a friday night sorting out school uniform !

hey ho !

OP posts:
CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 15/08/2008 22:57

My last post to Tiramissu.
db - you don't sound arrogant, and most of us seem to think your phrase amusing and apt.
I think you've been more than kind to the nanny in not giving her the boot long ago, so the odd truth isn't something to apologise for.

MatNanPlus · 15/08/2008 23:00

surely ANOTHER failed nanny task easily done while DC amuse themselves, seems she is pretty useless and take,take,take DB

Please do yourselves a favour and make a change.

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 23:19

'my last post to Tiramissu-db you dont sound arrogant..' Ehmmm??? Did i say she is arrogant?
DB , i ve said it before and will say it again. If there is resentfull atmosphere then it is not going to work (and i m not saying it is unreasonable to bbe fed up if you have to sort out shcool uniforms, i would be too). Nanny is a very different than other jobs and is based on good relanioships between parents and nanny. In most of my jobs i ve been 'part of the family'.
I was not attacking you as some poster might think, i am just trying to give my honest opinion. I am not the one who says 'poor you, you 've been victim, sending you a hug...'.
Also am reading these threads with interest as i currently setting up a childcare Agency abroad.

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 15/08/2008 23:39

No, Tiramissu, you didn't say she was arrogant, nor did I say you did.

db's last post: 'at the risk of sounding arrogant...'
my post: 'db - you don't sound arrogant'

'my last post to Tiramissu' ie my previous post was addressed to Tiramissu.

'db - you don't sound arrogant' I am talking to db, not Tiramissu.

If I were addressing you, why would there be a db in front of 'you don't sound arrogant?'

Is that any clearer?

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 23:47

Yes miss (lol) it is clear now.
I am new and my first day posting plus the red wine. I think you need one too. Goodnight

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 15/08/2008 23:47

I need one too?

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/08/2008 09:25

Tiramissu you are coming across as bloody rude Methinks you need to do something about that if you really want to run a successful business. The one thing that you have clearly demonstrated is that you don't have a clue about the employment of professional nannies. It's not just about the parents being nice and getting on well with the nanny. It's also about the nanny having high standards, and offering quality care and stimulation to children. Even the best nanny ever should be managed as any other employee would be.

At the end of the day, it's not always the nanny who knows what's best for the children but the people who know them best- their parents who employ somebody else to deliver what THEY AS PARENTS want for their children.

DB you come across as a brilliant employer whose good nature is being taken advantage of. I loved the 'You can't put in' comment!

Original poster
demandingboss · 16/08/2008 10:39

you are right sps. there seems to be an attitude here that you get paid what is the equivalent of £35k a year just for getting on with your boss and not having to acheive anything! hilarious and Im sure there are loads of people on here on would qualify

OP posts:
CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 16/08/2008 10:44
3andnomore · 16/08/2008 10:58

Now, I know nothing about the world of nannying, whatsoever....but, I don't think db is unrasobale at all....she pays very good money to the person she employs, if that person then is not up to the Job....well...I would be shocked, too.Especially as the agegroup of children that Nanny has to "cope" with doesn't seem the most difficult one, tbh.

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/08/2008 11:14

Why thank you Captain Who are you anyway?! Do I know you....you seem somehow familiar!

pudding25 · 16/08/2008 12:23

Omg, just been reading this. She is taking the piss bigtime. I am a primary teacher. I work god knows how many hours a week, at school and at home, looking after 30 children and hardly ever get a break and I dont get paid much more than your nanny. She has it easy and you sound like a great employer to work for.

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 12:32

Ah SPS i see the CFHTCCat has found you beware a certain Miss Tabs doesn;t find out

As to this nanny she has it on easy street to be perfectly honest, when i was a live in sole charge nanny (14yrs - now a Maternity Nurse so even more hours) it was to typically a newborn and an under 2, with 12-14hr working days, 48 weeks a year and not just 5 days a week either, she is just not fit for the job IMVHO

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/08/2008 12:50

Hi you!

But really who IS that cat???