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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that my nanny cant cope with looking after my children full time in the holidays ?

475 replies

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 13:22

Thats it really. We were away for the first 2 weeks.She has had them for 3 weeks and only has this week to go then she has a week off which is costing me a fortune to cover and then she has 3 days one week and 2 days the next and they are back to school.

Told me this am that she cant cope with having them 11 hors a day in the hols its just too exhausting and she spent all weekend in bed feeling poorly with the stress of it all.

She gets paid full time wages all year rund and has lots of perks ( and I maen lots ).

She seemed to be suggesting that they could go to holiday club so she could get on with some studying during the day!!!

I was so gobsmacked I just left and acme to work!

To be honest Im not expecting to get any replies to this as you will I am sure be too shocked to type!

OP posts:
Original poster
demandingboss · 13/08/2008 09:22

Im here

The meeting went very well actually.

She admitted that she is down at the moment and finding it hard to cope wth the children. She is considering giving up her course as it is too hard and she wonders whether the actual career change is right for her. She may stay working with children.

We suggested that the DC's needed more structure to the day and she agreed. She said she is used to working with structure as much of her exp is in nurseries. So we have agreed that she will fill in a daily activity planner with the DC's the night before each day and she can plan with them what they would like to do.

I have suggested that she goes to the sealife centre and a few other places and I will buy tickets online etc.

She is going to the woods for a tramp today and I suggested she give each child a list of things to collect and a bag.....like a feather , leaf etc. I am also going to get some activity books for her.

She said that she still at the moment feels that the job is for her but I do get the impression that it could be that if she gives up this course she may go back home.

DH was great and slightly harder than me to be honest. He made it clear that we expect her to put her back into it and that we arent changing the job to suit her agenda. And that the DC's must be happy.

This morning she was happy as larry. So we will see.

Thanks for all your support. We will review her again at the end of the holidays I think and see how she gets on in Oct half term. I think she will pull her socks up for a while.

And for those of her that said I needed to manage her a bit more I think you are right if only to make my children's days brighter and better as well !

OP posts:
justaboutagrownup · 13/08/2008 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 13/08/2008 09:32

Brilliant, well done db!

lol at 'she is going to the woods for a tramp' - who is this vagrant? is he on her course?

cheltenhamgal · 13/08/2008 09:32

I am so glad you got it sorted, fingers crossed

Oblomov · 13/08/2008 09:36

You had to suggest to HER, that on the walk they collected feather, moss etc.
What the hell. She is USELESS.
20 years and she can't ......
USELESS

Original poster
demandingboss · 13/08/2008 09:39

I know I know.........but you cant put in what god left out. She is saying now she may become an early years teaching assistant.............I think it may suit her but I have pointed out that unless she becomes an actual teacher she will struggle on the money and even then its not fantastic pay for the committment !

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 13/08/2008 10:12

demandingboss: your phrase "but you can't put in what god left out" made me LOL
It has also been refreshing to read that you are working towards sorting out the problems instead of the usual "sacking my nanny" thread. Although I'm not sure I would be as patient and kind.

I think that she has lost her way a little in terms of working for the here and now. She is focusing on her future and letting the present slip away from her and is obviously unhappy and it?s rubbing off on the children. She needed a kick start and hopefully your meeting is what she needed.

There are many good inspiring website and books that are available.

I like Creative Steps it is only out 6 times a year but does give ideas for different ages.
Enchanted Learning website has some ideas for projects. (It is American but still good )
Maybe worth a look.

My local library is excellent too.

Hope it all works out well for you and your family.

MrsWeasley · 13/08/2008 10:14

oh and if it doesn't work out can I have her job please . I have 4 DCs of my own and childmind too. Her job sounds like a holiday to me

Original poster
demandingboss · 13/08/2008 10:15

Thanksyou Mrs W.............I have just ordered 4 books for her form Amazon as well !

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Countingthegreyhairs · 13/08/2008 10:49

Glad things seem more positive DB

Posted recently about this site which has brilliant links to lots of China and Olympic related activities

www.activityvillage.co.uk/olympic_printables.htm

Owing to all this rain we are constructing a winner's podium (for bears) medals, coolie hats, chinese fans and painting some Chinese characters with thick black paints, identifying flags of different nations etc etc

there are templates for cutting out the olympic rings on there and loads of other downloads for a variety of ages

shd keep team DB occupied for hours!!

Quattrocento · 13/08/2008 11:09

Oh that sounds really positive DB. Good luck with it.

I wonder if this course - whatever it is - is too hard for her? Bearing in mind that God left some things out (LOL at that phrase).

chipmonkey · 13/08/2008 11:44

db, do you have an Irish Mammy? PMSL at "you can't put in what God left out"

Original poster
demandingboss · 13/08/2008 12:02

no irish mammy here just a DH with a sense of humour1.thanks goodness.

CTGH have just sent the link on to my nanny by email. Im bombarding her with stuff and will see what happens. to be honest she only has about 8 days left of the summer hols anyway as she is having a week off next week so it is a bit academic but if she stays she knows what is expected of her for next time.

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Ebb · 13/08/2008 12:25

DB hope you get everything sorted with your nanny. You sound like a very easy employer to work for. I did one job 7.30am to 7pm for one family and Mum Boss used to leave me up to 3 pages of A4 notes on what to do. Once she left me a diagram of exactly what size to cut the green beans . I was 30 at the time! She was demanding and completely neurotic but just wanted the best for her DC's. She never could work out why she got through so many nannies! Your nanny has an easy ride. Don't let her slip back into her old ways!

skydancer1 · 13/08/2008 14:36

Good meeting by the sound of it - you and your dh sound like a good team. Hope it goes well for you all.

MatNanPlus · 13/08/2008 15:36

Glad to meeting went so well DB, you having to input for her as "you can't put in what God left out" did make me smile, it does make me question what she has done on the previous 20yrs worth of child care jobs

But as you say see how the next few months go and the next holiday when the weather is almost guareenteed to be worse and you will see how she does.

It may be worth keeping a To Go/Do list/book running for interesting places mentioned by others or seen on the goggle box for more ideas.

Simply · 13/08/2008 21:57

I'm glad you were able to make progress with things in your meeting db. I hope that she'll either pull her socks up or re-think her career and decide to leave. Either way you hopefully will be better off than before. Oh and I'm pleased that your dh was supportive to you and was able to be firm in his expectations. I'm sure it helped that you presented an united front so to speak.

Tiramissu · 15/08/2008 16:21

'..But you cant put in what God left out'. What a horrible way to speak about your nanny. And you have been complaining about her before. Months ago. If you feel like this then why do you leave your children 11 hours a day with her?
As for 'Managing' her, no it doesnt work like this with professional nannies. You say that she has 20 years experience, then does anybody really thinks that she cannot think about the activities you mentioned? Noway! Perhaps she s too fed up or perhaps you like it this way so you are in control. We 've only heard one side anyway...

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 18:28

Because Tiramissu I am a kind and sympathetic employer and I wouldnt want to upset or hurt her and she would be in big trouble thousands of miles away from home with no job , home or money.

That doesnt mean to say that I think she is very good at being a nanny because the majority of the time she is nothing more than an able , responsible babysitter . I expected a bit more than that for the money I am forking out but wondered whether I was being unreasonable. I think the consensus on this thread is that I wasnt and most people would have sacked her yonks ago.

Incidentally she took the children to the woods on Wednesday and they didnt collect anything because she cant be bothered to organise it.

QED.

PS incidentally are you a nanny or a nanny employer ?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/08/2008 18:30

I take mine to the woods all the time but we go to hike. Perhaps they were just hiking?

As long as mine don't collect those damn ticks I'm not bothered!

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 18:34

Expat I agree its just that you may remember she was complaining about my DS's challenging behaviour and we suggested he may need a little more structure and stimulation to his day and this one one of the things we specifically agreed would be a good thing to do with him..........but a day later it was all forgotten.

LOL re ticks !!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/08/2008 18:47

I was once a hillwalker. I sometimes wish I lived back in Boulder so there'd be no end of wearing those kids out on hikes, it's the perfect way to a) keep in shape yourself b) wear kids out under the guise of being a nature-loving freak and score brownie points for accustoming your children to the beauty and joy of the wilderness.

And no one's none the wiser that your real motives were vanity and the desire for the peaceful life that comes from tired out kids .

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 18:49

ha ha agreed. We love to cycle and I do sometimes feel guilty when I see DS's legs going round 3x's as fast as mine to keep up .....but then again..........no!

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expatinscotland · 15/08/2008 18:50

oh, no, i feel no guilt at all whatsoever. just think how strong his legs are getting! and yours, too. it's a win-win situation .

Original poster
demandingboss · 15/08/2008 18:54

yep and the further you go the more wine you can jsutify at the end of it!

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