Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..irritated at being addressed by my first name

185 replies

raindropsonroses · 06/08/2008 17:26

At the hospital today the receptionist was "Lucy-ing" me, she wasn't being friendly either, the opposite in fact!
It happens frequently especially in hospitals. It does annoy me, there is a section in my maternity notes where it asks how I would like to be addressed, and I have put Mrs......
I don't mind in certain situations my first name being used, or if a person introduces themselves by their first name, first. Does anybody agree?
AIBU?

OP posts:
squeaver · 07/08/2008 21:30

I do too, Pot. Can't bring myself to do it.

Scarletibis · 07/08/2008 21:38

It wouldn't bother me.
It does, however annoy me when adults call me 'xxxx'sMum', which I've had from someone who really should have known my name.

Jacblue · 07/08/2008 21:41

Am still good friends with my cello teacher from school (left 11 years ago) and every time I see her she tells me to call her by her first name. I can't. I've tried but I just can't!

spongecake · 07/08/2008 21:43

reading with interest.. morningpaper, my cousin is 21 and just married. she says that when people say miss...? she says mrs xxx - and they immediately change their tone and are nicer to her!
it depends for me, if someone wants to sell me something i am mrs , which throws them as clearly thats not on their selling script! have to say most people ask.
also hate "mum" in hospitals. keep looking round for mum as a) wasn;t one yet b) couldn;t concentrate as keep thinking oh god am about to give birth

my husband wasn;t addressed as dad- they always got his name right

my dad says "sir is fine" think he is joking.

Jux · 07/08/2008 21:53

Drives me nuts when they address my mum by her first name, especially as she is actually known by her second name so none of us realise she's being called! I think it's utterly disrespectful even if they get the name right.

I get pissed off when I get cold callers who call me by my name, and then ask how I am. I have devised a long list of minor ailments which I rattle off as soon as they ask, top it off with "and my husband isn't speaking to me. How do you think I feel?" Usually greeted by silent panic. At which point I muster a sniffle and hang up.

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 22:22

"I want to bash them over the head and ask why the hell they think it's appropriate to declare their marital status every time they are addressed"

Which is why I prefer Miss and I always fill in single on marital status. I left my XH behind 5 years ago nearly, I'm not having him following me around until I get married again.

"But what irritates me even more is people who introduce themselves as "mrs husbands name surname" eg "Mrs John Smith" WTF?!!"

It's unusual to hear these days but it is correct.

Habbibu · 07/08/2008 22:24

What do you mean "correct", Tink? It's not like there's a law, and it harks back to the bad old days...

SNoraWotzThat · 07/08/2008 22:32

That is why some people prefer Ms - none marital statu.

mrswoolf · 07/08/2008 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DillyTanty · 07/08/2008 22:40

i don't think dr habs takes the tatler, somehow...

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 22:44

It's a legally valid way of writing your name. You can have a bank account in that name if you want.

As a divorcee I find Ms too much a divorce label, that's why I would rather use Miss.

SNoraWotzThat · 07/08/2008 22:47

See your point. It can be used out of courtesy when you are unaware of someone's marital too.

cthea · 07/08/2008 22:54

{hijack for alicet - none of those, we live close to them and shared an allotment at some stage}

bluegreysky · 07/08/2008 22:57

how can you be offended at some calling you by your name.
ffs

DKMA · 07/08/2008 23:03

I agree Bluegreysky?
To be offended by someone calling you your name is very odd!
To be addressed as 'oi you' 'fatso' 'old bag' maybe .......... but not by your real name (forename or surname)?
Honestly!

edam · 07/08/2008 23:04

I use Ms and I'm married - it's not a 'divorce label', it's just not disclosing your marital status, the equivalent of Mr.

Although there do seem to be some thickos around who have unilaterally decided that Ms = divorced - there was some row about the CAB demanding extra checks on anyone using Ms last year on the grounds that they MUST have been married in the past and be telling big porkies about it.

edam · 07/08/2008 23:05

Lots of people have gone to the trouble of explaining exactly why it is an issue.

If it doesn't bother you, fine, but why dismiss anyone who does care about it? I don't give a toss about all sorts of things, but I don't go onto threads about them and say 'you are all stupid'.

Tortington · 07/08/2008 23:10

i like my children's teenage friends to call me Mrs....

i, in turn call them a name which i chose.

My dd's BFs names include Christov, Princess and Christine.

We like to change the name to the feminine equiv with the teenage boys. They hate it so.

On being introduced to my sons (previous )girlfriend, i said " my name is L, and this is my husband J, you however, can call us Mr and Mrs X!

DKMA · 07/08/2008 23:11

Keep yer wig on edam

edam · 07/08/2008 23:13

Oh no, how did you work out it's not my own?!

edam · 07/08/2008 23:15

(it was the bluegreysky's 'ffs' that teed me off, actually, DKMA, not you)

SNoraWotzThat · 07/08/2008 23:16

I'd prefer if everyone would refer to me as "queen of the universe", which I often ask my dcs to do, if they want something really really badly, like sweets.

"can we have sweets please please please queen of the universe?" makes me smile everytime. Silly I know, but who else am I going to get to call me that?

DonnyLass · 07/08/2008 23:19

overfamiliar use of the first name is a sales/appeasement technique and it totally bugs me

as does people who decide to shorten your name without your invitation to do so

I'm Emma ... when people I don;t know/who aren't my friends (my friends dont as I only like Emma) suddenly start calling me EM it makes me grind my teeth

it is rude

funnier still is the over-reaction when you say. I prefer to be called Mrs ...' or I don't like having my name shortened

cue face like slapped arse expression and something like 'ooooh fussy' ... err no, jst that's my actual name and preference thanks!

people are so rude

thumbwitch · 07/08/2008 23:20

I don't like it much, but then I didn't like it much when I was a Miss and was called Mrs. It doesn't take that much to get it right really.

My grandma was called by her first name when she was in hospital before she died - she would have hated it, had she not been so addled with Alzheimer's. Even her friends called her by Mrs. Thumbsgrandma - only grandpa and her relatives used her first name!

When I was at school we had to call our teachers by Mrs/Miss/ Mr. surnames, this seemed right. I met one of my teachers a few months ago and still called her Mrs. surname, despite her saying oh you must call me firstname now. But my sister's school had some teachers who tried to be hip and down wiv da kidz and said call me by firstname - no respect went their way. Bad move.

It is a sign of respect and that you don't know them very well - I call my clients Miss/Mrs/Mr surname until they ask me, or until it feels right, to switch to first name.

DKMA · 07/08/2008 23:23

DonnyLass - I find it amusing to copy people who do that to me.
I'd shorten their name and use it at the end of every sentance