Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..irritated at being addressed by my first name

185 replies

raindropsonroses · 06/08/2008 17:26

At the hospital today the receptionist was "Lucy-ing" me, she wasn't being friendly either, the opposite in fact!
It happens frequently especially in hospitals. It does annoy me, there is a section in my maternity notes where it asks how I would like to be addressed, and I have put Mrs......
I don't mind in certain situations my first name being used, or if a person introduces themselves by their first name, first. Does anybody agree?
AIBU?

OP posts:
DillyTanty · 07/08/2008 14:13

it's the sound of it, i think. hence the reason i'd prefer to have people use my first name (although not presumptiously, obv).

so does everyone here not call their GP etc by their first name?

margoandjerry · 07/08/2008 14:15

I would never call my GP by their first name.

I'm not even sure I know what it is (there are three GPs in my practice - all youngish and friendly but it just wouldn't feel right)

DillyTanty · 07/08/2008 14:21

it doesn't come up that often, of course, but if she's calling me by my first name then it wouldn't occur to me to call her anything else. i call her 'the doctor' or 'doctor x' to dd, though, iyswim? but i'm an adult, and it seems weird to put myself in a subordinate role to her just cos, well, she studied a different subject at uni. (perhaps i shared too many flats with too many medics, though... )

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 14:24

My parents do with some doctors, but my dad was a radiographer at a teaching hospital so they know many of the local doctors. I don't think they do it when they are actually visiting them though.

Story goes that while she was in labour with me Dad was greeting all the doctors and saying "have you met my wife?" Mum said she was dying of embarrassment.

There was a lady at a church we used to go to whose doctor also went to the church, his wife was one of her Girl's Brigade officers going way back and she is also now a GB officer. She once gave her testimony about how she had problems concieving. I don't remember the full story but she spoke about having an internal by him. We couldn't get over it. Seeing a GP you know really well outside is weird but I can't imagine letting a friend examine me.

DillyTanty · 07/08/2008 14:27

i consider my obs a friend now... we email etc. most odd when you are arguing about the angle of the fanny cam, i must admit.

derelicte · 07/08/2008 14:30

No one ever call me Mrs X. I obviously engender over-familiarity. It doesn't particularly bother me though.

It does piss me off when I see older people being referred to by their first names, usually by some patronising whippersnapper.

funnypeculiar · 07/08/2008 14:40

Agree with edam & Hacate that in the doctor/patient relationship where I want to grap any available power, I want to be Mrs F.P. Unless they introduce themselves as Clive. Imo, few doctors tell you their first names. The ones that have, I've always rated, actually.

Wouldn't be bothered about a receptionist, as I don't have any receptionist power isshoos. I also wouldn't expect a receptionist to have to ask everyone they meet what they like to be called, given their patient throughput.

TwentiethCenturyHeffa · 07/08/2008 14:53

I don't mind whether I'm called Mrs Whatever or by my first name but I do get annoyed when people shorten my first name - if I've said my name is Rebecca then that is what I want to be called, not Becky/Becks/Becca/Bec.

The hospital keeps changing my title - despite me being down as a 'Mrs', letters to me are frequently addressed to 'Miss' which is a bit frustrating. Loads of people call me Rachel (as long as I can remember), for no apparent reason, which I find especially irritating when they're actually staring at my records. I guess I must look like a Rachel but I do find it a bit bizarre.

Vulgar · 07/08/2008 15:12

Ds's headmistress has a particulary terrifying way of looking over her glasses and saying "Mrs Vulgar,may I have a word?"

always makes me feel about 80.

Much prefer being called by my first name, I don't even mine being called "mum" by midwives and nurses.

what a minefield!

If I ever become a receptionist, I'm just gonna point and shout "Oi! You! In the corner with the brown jumper! Come 'ere now!"

Oblomov · 07/08/2008 15:27

I get called "Mrs Oblomov". And I have known my consultant for 5 years and see her every 2 weeks.
Thought itwas the norm.
She has never called me obbie/ob/obs or anything other than Mrs surname.

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 15:42

TwentiethCenturyHeffa I've always been called Sarah don't know why although there always seems to be a Sarah friend with me where ever I go. The shortening thing annoys me with Tink. She really is known as Tinker Belle to family and friends and gets called Tink, Tinker, Stinky, Stink, Stinker (my sister) etc which I don't mind, after all Tinker Belle is a nickname anyway. What annoys me is when you introduce her to someone and they turn around and say "hello Izzy!" WHY??? I mean, strangers! What gives people the right to mess with someone they don't know's name? My plan is for her to be called by her name until she is old enough to call herself something different. She might think Izzy sounds awful and then she has to tell everyone to stop it at the risk of offending people who are using an "affectionate" name. She might decide that her name is just right as it is and not want it shortening at all or she may decide to use a completely different shortening or a middle name or just change her name. Her choice, not mine or the manager at the Tesco Cafe

Vulgar, it's not that I mind it, I just find it odd (not the practice, I understand why) to be called it by women older than Mum!

Pekkala · 07/08/2008 16:10

I have been Ms Pekkala for years - the only problem its ever caused was booking in at our local hospital (South West) where they would not accept it as my title - they said I would have to be Miss or Mrs. So I said I'd be Dr.

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 17:13

Ha ha Pekkala ! Brilliant.

black31cat · 07/08/2008 17:20

Before i was married i had a surname which was far more common as a first name, and as a result had many people calling me just by my surname, which used to iritate me slightly. However what irritated me even more was when i told people my surname and they said "Are you sure?"
Yes, i obviously look such a blonde that i don't know my own name

edam · 07/08/2008 17:30

Oh, I hate that fake over-friendliness that sales people and management training tells people is A Good Thing. It is bloody well not! Using my first name without even bothering to ask if it is OK twenty times during a conversation does not make me warm to their effing products.

It's supposed to build a rapport or something. Rubbish! I wonder if it was brought over from the US without anyone bothering to think 'will this actually work in Britain?'.

While I'm on a roll, also hate that touching the arm thing people are taught to do. Yuck.

morningpaper · 07/08/2008 19:09

I asolutely HATE calling anyone "Mrs", especially women my age

I want to bash them over the head and ask why the hell they think it's appropriate to declare their marital status every time they are addressed

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 19:13

I agree Edam. It makes me think, eur, slimy toad. Not, oooh where do I sign up???

notcitrus · 07/08/2008 19:56

Ooh yes - using my name twice in every sentence, whether it's my first name or title+surname, is just cringemaking - and invariably used by people in call centres trying to convince me of something I don't want anyway.

What I really hate is firstly people who ask me for my Christian name - I'm not Christian, never have been, and thus have no Christian names - and secondly people (almost always teenage shop assistants or call centre staff) who go 'Is that Miss or Mrs?' and there's no way of saying 'No' without sounding obnoxious.

Reginaphilangy · 07/08/2008 20:54

"I want to bash them over the head and ask why the hell they think it's appropriate to declare their marital status every time they are addressed"

I couldn't agree more morningpaper!

It drives me mad! But what irritates me even more is people who introduce themselves as "mrs husbands name surname" eg "Mrs John Smith" WTF?!!

Jacblue · 07/08/2008 20:56

I just hate cold callers full stop.

squeaver · 07/08/2008 21:06

Slight tangent...

When I was a child (I'm 41) I called all my friends' parents Mrs X and Mr Y. Now all children call all their friends' parents by their first names. When did that happen?

In a funny way, I'd quite like my dd's friends to call me Mrs X (NOT because of the marital status thing just because it's kind of old-fashioned and quaint).

edam · 07/08/2008 21:12

I've often wondered the same thing, squeavor. I still can't get used to it. Most of ds's friends who come round to play end up calling me xxxx'smummy because I just can't bring myself to say 'call me edam' unless they are very good friends we see often.

DillyTanty · 07/08/2008 21:21

we had LOOOOAAADS of aunties when i was a kid. and if you weren't an auntie you were a mrs, that's for sure. thing is, i'm not a mrs, for much the reasons that MP put forward...

alicet · 07/08/2008 21:27

Thanks for all your helpful comments about how I address my patients - will def take on board some of your comments!

And hijack... cthea I do indeed know Cami and Richard. Might you have a son who has the same name as my youngest? Or live where my dh went to university? You could of course be one of a number of other people also but those are the obvious guesses based on circumstances Or of course feel free not to 'out' yourself to me if you prefer!

potoroo · 07/08/2008 21:29

Squeaver - I was just thinking that. Actually, I still call lots of my parents' friends Mr and Mrs X... even if they've told me to call them by their first name.

Incidently my brother now teaches at the school he went to, and some of his teachers are still there - he had a lot of trouble calling them by their first name