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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:
Tittybangbang · 29/07/2008 22:07

Those of you who were up and about doing your normal things within a day of the birth - how did you find breastfeeding went? Do you think it made any difference being out and about soon after?

ravenAK · 29/07/2008 22:11

Each to their own.

Pregnancy kicks my arse ( I'm v bad at it, faint & wobbly & horrible to everyone around me for 9 months solid), but post partum I seem to bounce back pretty quickly, & I've been lucky with the bf'ing.

I think each of my 3 were in the supermarket/park/cafe within 48 hours.

preggersplayspop · 29/07/2008 22:14

Tittybangbang, it didn't make any difference to my breastfeeding, am still BF 14 months in. I wasn't out for hours on end, would pop out a few times a day for a spin around the park or up to the local shops so plenty of time to bf inbetween.

ravenAK · 29/07/2008 22:14

Tittybangbang - I've been ridiculously lucky with bf'ing, each of them basically lunged at me like Christopher Lee the second they were born!

If it'd been a struggle then I'd probably have wanted to stay at home more - so for me it's not so much that getting out & about impinged on bf'ing, as that good luck with bf'ing made it easy to go out, iyswim.

Roboshua · 29/07/2008 22:16

Sometimes you don't have a choice. My v inconsiderate MIL came from abroad to stay when DS2 was only 3 days old. I was expected by her and equally inconsiderate DP (although somehow forgave him more because he's male!) to entertain and take out and about.

I do think you're being slightly unreasonable as you cannot judge without knowing the situation. Not everyone has support when a baby is first born.

4andnotout · 29/07/2008 22:16

We took dd's out the same day home from hospital just to show them off!

StormInanEcup · 29/07/2008 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MogTheForgetfulCat · 29/07/2008 22:21

Tittybangbang - I will admit to having difficulty bf'ing DS1 after a tricky birth and being up and about soon after. Got it sorted fairly easily with some help from a bf counsellor, though. All absolutely fine with DS2 - but possibly because he was second child and so knew what I was doing more?

Do people really think that there is actually pressure on women to get up and back to normal? Or more that it's a choice, partly informed by the general pace of everyday life?

I think with DS1 I wasn't at all prepared for motherhood, and so tried to continue as normal. With DS2, I was told after giving birth that there were no postnatal beds available in the hospital (the Royal United in Bath, if anyone's interested - regularly tops league tables for ghastly things like MRSA as well, fact fans ) so I went home in a taxi at 2am - that (and DS1) rather informed my decision to be up and about, and made a walk in the park seem like...well, a walk in the park.

ladytophamhatt · 29/07/2008 22:21

Ds4 was on his 1st school run at about 4 days old.

I was in sainsburys doing the shopping within a week.

and I took him to playgroup when he was exactly a week old.

I would have gone mad if I'd stayed in....and DH would have ended up with teh hoover rammed down his throat so it was for the best really

MogTheForgetfulCat · 29/07/2008 22:24

Plus, it's not like you can be out and about all the time. I had midwives' visits every 5 minutes (felt like). Probably trying to make up for booting me out of the hospital before the entonox had even left the system.

differentID · 29/07/2008 22:27

I work in a shop and the youngest I've seen a baby out had been born less than 6 hours earlier. I was a bit concerned as mum was starting to look a bit shaky, but she had her parents and her husband with her. I would never judge anyone for doing what they wanted. I didn't see that particular lady for another three weeks though. I believe my words to her as she left were, go and enjoy being waited on- you've done enough for one day. SHe laughed.

Tittybangbang · 29/07/2008 22:29

"Do people really think that there is actually pressure on women to get up and back to normal?"

Yes - in the emotional sense that staying in bed is often seen as an unnecessary indulgence, not just by mums themselves but by partners and relatives.

I hardly know anyone other than myself who spent even two or three days actually in bed or full time on the sofa with their feet up after the birth (after getting home from hospital). Even people who'd had c-sections or really difficult births/long labours.

thelittlestbadger · 29/07/2008 22:29

Ah Turniphead having read your post about the private hospital it all makes more sense! I was on a horrible post-natal ward and managed to get myself discharged after 6 hours which I think really didn't help BF. Although I really don't think the walks round the park did either me or DD any harm (rather the opposite) I can see the appeal of spending longer in a birth centre getting used to the baby and learning how to breast feed properly. And, of course, if you're still in hospital someone else has to look after the other DCs..

I think it all comes down to the ridiculously inadequate funding of maternity services again.

Tittybangbang · 29/07/2008 23:15

If you spent 10 days in our local hospital after the birth, chances are you'd come out bottlefeeding (even if you'd wanted to bf) and with a postnatal infection!

anynamewilldo · 29/07/2008 23:22

After dd1 was born we were staying in my mums whilst waiting for odd jobs to be done in our house, and my mum would not let me outside the house for 10 days, (didnt lock me in..realise how that sounds) but kept giving my horror stories of how i would bleed so heavily if i so much as walked out in the fresh air and that i would end up back in hospital. i hated it, i cried myself to sleep for the 14 days that we were there, i couldnt wait to move into my new home.

with dd2 thankfully we were in our own home, i think i stayed in for the midwife to visit then went out. after that i never waited in, if they werent there by the time they said i was out. ds1 i was out when the mw called, so she had a long chat with dh whilst waiting for me to return from the school run, (she had checked the baby over before i got home).
dd3 kept missing mv for the first week we were home (ooops) finally caught up with her, and i was shopping when she called to see us after ds2 was born, i returned home and she even helped me to unpack the car. she thought it was brave to leave dh with 5 children, with the youngest being 1 day old!

MrsTicklemouse · 29/07/2008 23:25

I couldn't face anything for a week after DS1 was born but was at a wedding evening do the day DS2 was born!!

MrsThierryHenry · 29/07/2008 23:27

I felt like sh*t for months after giving birth. I'd have killed to be able to bounce out of bed from day one.

I'm afraid YABU, my lovely. If the mother feels fantastic, good for her!

fledtoscotland · 29/07/2008 23:29

YABU - i was out and about with DS by day 4 as i needed a sense of normality and that meant walking slowly round the shopping centre with DS and DH to get a coffee for an hour. (i say walk but hobble slowly because of my stitches)

DS was fine and slept the whole time, i got over my cabin fever and we have both lived to tell the tale.

MrsTicklemouse · 29/07/2008 23:29

and with regard to germs, DS2 had bronchiolitis at two weeks old thanks to DS1s cold, so i don't think you really can protect them from germs!

Jux · 29/07/2008 23:41

DD was born in the West Country when we were on holiday an endured a 9 hour journey back to London (eclipse traffic) when she was 1 day old. And got changed at a horrible McDonald's on the way. She is one of the least ill kids in her class, no doubt due to my foresight in exposing her to all those McD germs early. (She won't touch McD's now.)

CrushedRaspberryDungarees · 29/07/2008 23:46

Do what you feel you can. 6 days after I had ds (2nd emergency c-section) I was so bored in the house I phoned my friend and asked her to meet us for lunch.

When the waitress asked how old ds was, it was quite fun to say "He was born on Tuesday." i.e. couldn't even say he was one week!

hatwoman · 29/07/2008 23:51

yabu. first 2 weeks of dd1's life I had gone running, travelled for 6 hours to visit my mum, been to a wedding (with dd), and visited friends. I had not been shopping, admittedly. but that's cos I don;t like shops.

QuintessentialShadows · 29/07/2008 23:52

I would be shocked if the baby was doing his/her own shopping.....

thumbwitch · 29/07/2008 23:53

I took DS to his first party when he was 6 days old - I had been visited by an old work colleague from the hospital labs while I was is in maternity, they had had a whip round for me (ahh!) so when I left for home, I went to see them in the labs and they invited me to the haematology Christmas lunch party the following monday. I had to go in for blood tests anyway so it worked quite well! DS was so well behaved and the star of the show...

handlemecarefully · 30/07/2008 00:09

"Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?"

Yep.