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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:

RedBabs · 02/08/2008 19:04

Wot does YABU mean?

Turniphead1 · 02/08/2008 19:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

barnsleybelle · 02/08/2008 19:18

YABU ( you are being unreasonable for redbabs).

When i had my 2nd i had to go out the day after she was born to take my ds to school. Life goes on.

NoPainNoGain · 05/08/2008 13:31

YANBU. IMHO.

I agree it´s in the baby´s interests and in the mother´s interests to stay away from the world in the first few weeks after the birth. I don´t even understand why mothers are so desperate to show off their new baby to the world when it would be better to bond quietly at home as far as possible and limit contact to close family and friends.

But what particularly depresses me is that the mother was in a shopping centre. More and more nowadays I have the impression that many people have no hobbies except ambling round places like Bluewater etc. shopping centres.

bandgeek · 05/08/2008 13:38

I went to Boots when DD was 4 days old, ad DS was 11 month old. I'd had a c-section too![blush}

To be fair, I couldn't wait to get out and buy some girly clothes, only stayed out about 1/2 hour, plus DH was there!

mustsleep · 05/08/2008 13:40

get a life

she my have needed to go out for dummies or bottles etc or something she urgently needed

maybe she decided a shopping centre would be best as it;s indoors

i was advised that aslong as i felt ok in myself i was fine to go out

NoPainNoGain · 05/08/2008 13:43

"Get a life"!!

Having a bad day?

Kelix · 05/08/2008 13:45

I was out a fundraising day on sunday for a young man who has cancer when I bumped (not literally) into someone that I used to go to school with. I had herd that she was pregnant so asked her when she was due. Was shocked when she said that she had given birth at 3:20am - It was about 8pm! Apparently the baby was with her mother but she wanted to come and show her support. I thought she was joking but apparently not!. The fund raiser was in the pub BTW

I had a c-section but was up and about ASAP was in hospital for just over 48 hours. DD was 16 days late and I was already going stare crazy looking at the same 4 walls whilst I was heavily pregnant and couldnt do much.

Each to thier own I say but I would never comment on anyone bringing out thier baby at only a few days old. Just as I didnt comment to the girl I went to school with (I wanted to - but I resisted)

juuule · 05/08/2008 13:50

NoPain -"I agree it´s in the baby´s interests and in the mother´s interests to stay away from the world in the first few weeks after the birth"

Why?

mustsleep · 05/08/2008 13:58

not having a bad day just can not believe how holier than thou some people are!!

"why mothers are so desperate to show off their new baby to the world"? doh....

what do you suggest those of us wth school age kids do? just send them on their own? let them have a couple of weeks off?

plus then there is the weekly shop although i suppose having no food in the house while we bond with our newborns would go some way to helping with the weight loss

mrz · 05/08/2008 14:00

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to stay at home for a week or more after the birth

NoPainNoGain · 05/08/2008 14:04

Hi Juuule,

I think it´s good to spend time in relative isolation while you get to know the new baby and I think this time should be marked out as "special" so women can routinely do this without any pressure to get on with normal life.

Á new baby is new for a very very short period and to me should be protected from the world, not paraded round a shopping centre. I realise from other posts that this is a terribly old fashioned view but it is quite instinctive I think. The OP only very tentatively suggested staying home might be the best thing to do but seems to have been blasted for judging other people´s actions. I don´t think she did that.

I had to take my new baby to nursery school every day after she was born. She had one cold after another for the first 6 weeks, which jeopardised breastfeeding and made her quite miserable. I wish that could have been avoided.

Re the woman´s health, I don´t see any advantage in doing anything other than rest after the birth, even if it was an easy one. Maybe if more women took it easy afterwards they would find it easier to cope during what is essentially an exhausting time.

AnAngelWithin · 05/08/2008 14:08

maybe she had been stuck in the house/hospital ill for the last weeks of pregnancy and needed to get out anyway? Its up to each individual what they do! Its not like the baby is going to remember being out at that age and be traumatised for life is it!?

NoPainNoGain · 05/08/2008 14:13

How am I holier than thou exactly? Not with you. As you may have read I did have to take older siblings to school, and regret it. I had no other help and in the months before giving birth stocked up the freezer with ready meals to avoid going out shopping. I knew it was something I would not want to do after the birth.

Mustsleep, you may think all mothers are desperate to show off their new baby to the world but this is not something I felt. I wanted to keep my new babies in the company of only close family until they were around 6 weeks and feeding issues had settled down and the babies themselves seemed to have settled down in to life in general.

juuule · 05/08/2008 14:13

Nopain - I think it's up to the individual woman to judge what is suitable or not for her and her baby.

Obviously, if you felt that you wanted to stay in for a length of time after giving birth and was unable to then that isn't ideal at all. Anyone who needs time out after giving birth should be able to have that option (although not everyone does)

After the birth of some of my babies I was on an incredible high for the first few days. I couldn't have rested if I'd been paid to. Which was fortunate particularly with the last one as I had the school run to do the day after. I'm sure if I'd not felt up to it I could have found someone to do it though. I enjoyed it. The baby was fine. I was breastfeeding, too. As for germs, with another 8 children who couldn't get enough of their new sibling, the baby was probably exposed to plenty of germs anyway.

Surely it's for each to decide for themselves. Although I do think it shouldn't end up some sort of unhealthy competition.

NoPainNoGain · 05/08/2008 14:20

Juule, gotta go in a second, just wanted to say that was a nice post. Of course every woman should do what she thinks is best. I´m not casting judgement on other people´s choices, just agree with the op s view that rest, peace and quiet is (or should be)th norm in the week after birth.

Enjoy your big family!

fabsmum · 05/08/2008 14:26

"I gave birth in Norway which has a whole different culture than here both in hospitals and in general in relation to birth and babies. I was in hospital for 5 days where DH stayed in private room with us, u have your baby with u or if you want to sleep nurses will watch the baby for u. My mom washed cleaned and cooked for the next three weeks, without interfeering with our babycare or us so I could enjoy DD, and sleep!! "

If this is the social norm in Norway, maybe it explains why 90% of their babies are still breastfeeding at 16 weeks compared to about 25% of UK babies.

juuule · 05/08/2008 14:28

Nopain - I do agree with you that there shouldn't be any pressure on a woman to resume normal life at least for a week after the birth (I think that's where the 10day m/w recommendation came from). It should be accepted as normal for a recovery period after birth.

Just that I also think that if someone is feeling okay it shouldn't be frowned on if they go out with their baby.

Obviously the above depend on circumstances and whether they are viable options.

2boys2 · 06/08/2008 21:35

i went to a BBQ on the way home from hospital after having ds2!! i look back now and think i was NUTS!!!

cookiemonstress · 06/08/2008 21:45

With dd1 I went out to shopping centre (for half an hour) because a) i desperately needed nipple shields something for cracked nipples and DH had no idea what to buy and b) because DH was going back to work the next day and I needed to practice being 'out' with his support before I was home alone. A woman came up and looked at my baby (who never left the comfort of her pram) and said 'how old is your baby?' very abruptly. She made me feel terrible, like I was the worse mother in the world at a point when I was seriously doubting my ability to cope.
Yes, in an ideal world it would be nice to stay home like our mothers did but sadly real life gets in the way of that and not all of us have the support that enables us to do that. Don't judge someone for being out with a new baby until you are certain for her reasons being out.

alicet · 06/08/2008 22:20

Only read OP...

YAB completely U. Just because YOU wanted to rest doesn't mean this approach is for everyone. I would have gone mad to be laid up at home even though I had sections both times. For me it was important to get out and about and see real life.

Don't think your approach is wrong for you. Just think you are being a bit judgemental about something that quite frankly is only your business if it's you and your baby!

Piffle · 06/08/2008 22:25

I took. Ds2 out in the sling aged 30 hrs to dds cardiology appt
Priorities

eidsvold · 06/08/2008 22:32

YABU i was out with dd2 and 6 day old dd3 after having a c-section. We had to get some things, I was going stir crazy. Dh drove and came with us - but I just wanted to go out to get some bits for dd3 and to have coffee and cake.

I had been basically resting in bed for the entire 5 days prior and needed to be out and about.

Woollymummy · 06/08/2008 22:46

I think you are being justifiably amazed but it is NOT unreasonable to want to get out early. I was radiant, glowing, joyful, painfree and eager to show off my new DS to everyone of my friends so took him to toddler group when he was 1 day old. Lovely. The MOST important thing was I had the full cohort of doting relatives to help, give lifts, carry my bags etc etc. I was not yet suffering from sleepness nights or mastitis etc and so felt Fabulous. After a "decent" rest of 10 days or whatever, I would have had no-one to help look after DD while I introduced DS to evryone, and would have looked and felt pretty rough. Post-partum hormonal bliss is over pretty quickly, esp with a lively little toddler to keep up with. Do what you want to do, as long as you feel OK and don't push yourself past what feels comfortable.

LunarSea · 06/08/2008 23:10

ds2 had his first outing to local farm park at 2 days old. It was school holidays and ds1 had been cooped up for a couple of days so we had to get him out and let him run off some energy. Mind you ds2's arrival was so quick and easy (all over in half an hour, just 1 contraction, and no pushing necessary) that I could have happily done the school run for ds1 the same day if it had happened to be term time.

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