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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 30/07/2008 06:20

DS2's first outing was to the pub across the road when he was 7 hours old. Had homebirth, had a nap, woke up really fancying a pint of guinness (for the iron of course ). I felt great so why not.

youcannotbeserious · 30/07/2008 06:22

Pub at 7 hours LOL

Guiness for medicinal purposes!!

justdontknowanymore · 30/07/2008 07:29

I took DS1 on a train home from the hospital when he was 6 days old.

We didn't have a car, the taxi we ordered from the hospital didn't bother showing up, so we had no option.

As others have said, there's more germs in the hospital....

OrmIrian · 30/07/2008 07:32

I think I was out and about with mine at that kind of age. Not for long. Baby in a sling. I feel claustrophibic stuck in the housem new baby or not.

FioFio · 30/07/2008 07:33

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tiredemma · 30/07/2008 07:37

Tittybangbang- I didnt breastfeed, I FF.

mamadiva · 30/07/2008 07:37

YABU.

I had an emergency section on Monday, left hospital on Thursday and took DS a mile walk into town on Friday to buy him some clothes as we hadn't bought any beforehand because the sex was a surprise. He loved his pram though and it was during a heatwave.

FioFio · 30/07/2008 07:42

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mamadiva · 30/07/2008 07:46

Oops have I jumped in in the middle of an argument LOL?

Every thread seems to end up about someones personal feeding choices it's rediculous as long as you feed your child I couldn't really care less where it's from.

I had my mum, dad and DP all moaning at me for going out but I was going stir crazy in the house and there were 8 month old twins living with us so DS couldn't get peace LOL. Them were the days ladies eh?

tiredemma · 30/07/2008 07:52

Hear hear fiofio.

Gateau · 30/07/2008 08:49

YABU and judgmental in the extreme.
I had a caesarean and was straining at the leash to get out of hospital - and take my baby out for a walk.As soon as I got out, baba and I (and Dh and my Mum)were out in town. Who EVER said a baby needed to cooped up for days on end? Fresh air does them no end of good, it's an age-old fact; I thought everyone knew that.
As for me, I was TOLD constantly by the midwives and HVs to stay in the house after the CS, but feck that. If the mother feels healthy enough, then she can do what she wants. I would have gone stir crazy sitting round the house.

mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 30/07/2008 08:56

YABU! Wish I could have been out shopping after the birth of ds, had c section so had no choice really!

Tittybangbang · 30/07/2008 08:59

"well i breastfed but I dont see why all these threads have to always be heavily consumed with your feeding choices".

I think I was the only person to raise this issue.

I raised it because it was relevant to the op. To spell it out: we all know that breastfeeding is usually very intense in the first few weeks. It works best if mums are able to feed their baby very frequently, and bf babies need close access to the breast for optimal feeding. If mum is out and about, with her baby wrapped up - not skin to skin, and in a pram or car seat a mum might miss subtle feeding cues. Maybe you were a very confident, unselfconscious breastfeeder. I know I wasn't with my first initially, and not even with my second two in the first few days, while they were getting to grips with things. Most women I know find bf quite hard the first few weeks. Just wondering if being out and about and in the company of strangers makes a difference to how breastfeeding goes in the first few weeks. I suspect it does for a lot of people.

"Whats important is that the woman does what is best for her and her family."

Yes - most women choose to breastfeed, and most they don't get to continue with it because it proves too much of a challenge. I just think that a lot of our expectations of what's normal - namely that it's fine for other people to be handling and holding our babies, and for us to be out and about from very early after the birth are influenced by 50 years of bottlefeeding culture in the UK. If you're bottlefeeding it doesn't matter if you don't have lots of skin to skin contact or privacy, rest and a chance to learn to feed without the pressure of onlookers. I mean - of course it matters to some mums - but it won't impact on how the feeding goes - with breastfeeding these things can make a difference to milk supply in the first few weeks and can set the course of breastfeeding for some time to come.

"Ia gree that there does seem alot of pressure on women to get up and about but for nmost women it isnt even a choice"

I don't agree that it's not a choice for most women. The majority of people have partners and the majority of partners are able to take at least a few days off work when their babies are born.

MuffinMclay · 30/07/2008 09:03

I went shopping with ds2 when he was 4 days old. I felt great (possibly post birth euphoria) and was desperate to go out and about and do normal things again after weeks of feeling like I was at death's door.

cali · 30/07/2008 09:05

YABU
DD2 was considerably smaller than we were expecting so we were out shopping on D3 (after CS) to buy her some clothes that she could actually wear.

I did not consider myself ill and felt much better to be out of the house, even if it was just a short trip to a retail park.

All the advice I was given was not to to do too much and rest when I needed to.

cali · 30/07/2008 09:06

sorry, appeared to have posted in wrong thread, I thought this was a thread about going out with a new baby and not another one about feeding

Uriel · 30/07/2008 09:08

YABU. I was out shopping the day after I gave birth at home with my first baby.

It was nice to get out.

stitch · 30/07/2008 09:10

medical advice is to keep baby at home, and as far away from excessive germs, such as can be found in shopping centres etc, until they are at least a week old.
lots of people ignore this advice.
i have often met three day olds in mothercare changing rooms. they are our for the mothers sanity. and in every case, the mother looks fine. she is groomed. the baby looks cared for. everything looks brillinat. therefore, even though i would like to judge, i cannot.

when i registered my 9 week old at the library, i was shocked to find out that a few years before, they did a competitin for youngest member. and it was won by a two and a half hour old.

pooka · 30/07/2008 09:11

I agree with OP to an extent. When dd was born I felt that I should be up and about. Don't know why, but just that "women worked in fields after having a baby". Went for a little walk when dd was about 2 days old. Midwife was not impressed, and emphasised the need for rest. rest. rest. I found it hard to relax though, and was all over the place really. Very tired and emotional as a result.

With ds, DH had a full 2 week paternity leave (only 5 days with dd) because I'd been so knocked for 6 first time. The difference was amazing - I made it my mission to do as little as possible, only venturing out when I wanted to (so no trips to do food shopping or shopping centres, but did go to soft play place with dh, dd and ds, where ds and I lounged on a sofa and I drank coffee and ate pastries while reading the paper).

I think that post-partum "lying in" was not the luxury of the rich, but was much more prevalent in the past for all women, as a result of extended families living close to each other. I don't think going out early does damage to a baby. But I think that mothers should have as much rest as possible for their own health, and that would not include going to a supermarket to get food in.

pooka · 30/07/2008 09:13

And (with the obvious exception of mothers with ZERO support from family, or partners), there is no reason why a mother and baby have to be present when clothes are bought if one needs blue for a boy or different sizes.

cali · 30/07/2008 09:22

Baby is at more of a risk from HAI than anything that they may come into contact with from being outside.

On discharge, I was not given any medical advice telling me to stay indoors, I also work in a maternity hospital and we do not not tell parents to stay indoors with their babies for a week, once they have been discharged.

Tittybangbang · 30/07/2008 09:58

"sorry, appeared to have posted in wrong thread, I thought this was a thread about going out with a new baby and not another one about feeding"

Well - sorry to point out the what seems to me blindlingly obvious - but most women are breastfeeding in the first week after birth, so the issue of the interaction between going out and breastfeeding your baby is highly relevent, isn't it?

Sheesh

All the breastfeeding counsellors I know say this to mums who want to breastfeed: in the first fortnight after birth the best way to protect breastfeeding is to rest and to get to grips with latching and positioning your baby. It helps to be relaxed and unselfconscious, because being around strangers or people you feel uncomfortable bf in front of can inhibit let down. It's best if you have lots of skin to skin contact with your baby - it'll stimulate them to feed regularly and help your milk supply. Holding your baby a lot and having skin to skin contact will also help you pick up on more subtle feeding cues from your baby, which really helps when it comes to getting the demand and supply mechanism of bf going smoothly.

Now - how does all this fit with walking around a shopping centre/supermarket/being in a pub, with your baby fully wrapped up in a pram or car seat?

BuwchBywiog · 30/07/2008 10:30

Had sections with both mine and don't think I could have gone anywhere the next day!!

With DS I didn't want to take him anywhere or let anyone see him for the first few days as he had just been diagnosed with a Congenital Heart Defect. I think the time I spent with just him and me cooped up with my poor mother running about for us like a mad thing (I'm lucky I know) really helped with the breast feeding which I really wanted to do for him as he's more prone to anything going because of his heart and takes twice as long to recover! After the cardiologist talked some sense into me when he was 5 days old and said that fresh air would do him good I did take him out for walks etc he did have to go to Tesco in the pram with the rainhood on though as I didn't want him catching anything!!

With DD we were out and about with the double buggy withing a couple of days. When she was three weeks old I had to be admitted over night due to heavy bleeding as I'd overdone it the day before, I think I should have been resting for most of those three weeks to be honest! Set me back weeks! Still have twinges of pain now and she's 5 and a half months old. Admittedly I'm still overdoing it I guess!

I'd have gone bonkers if I'd had to be in bed for weeks but there would be no hopes in hell of getting me out and about in a shopping centre for a good few weeks after! Ok I'm not keen on them at the best of times and find that our local ones feeding and changing rooms are pretty yucky too! Would rather be at home but I guess I'm in the minority!

StormInanEcup · 30/07/2008 10:31

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GooseyLoosey · 30/07/2008 10:32

Had to get out with mine. Dd was certainly in shops at 4 days old.