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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:
LadyG · 31/07/2008 19:13

I definitely agree with the OP. Motherhood is a long haul and I'm all for conserving your energy while you can especially in those 1st few weeks of round-the clock breastfeeding. DD (1 week old today) has been for walks with daddy in sling and grandma in pram but I'm staying put as long as possible and getting grandparents/DH to take DS aged 3 out to the park and on outings. Seem to remember overdoing it last time with a very sore episiotomy followed by 10 months of non-sleeping DS and back to work at 6 months-ended up totally exhausted.
However we have a garden so can get fresh air whenever-I can imagine if we were in a top floor flat as we were for DS would be more desperate to get out.

Loriycs · 31/07/2008 19:20

when i had mine everyone came to see the new baby, fussed , cooed,cuddled, but then once they'd seen baby ,apart from immediate family i didnt see them again for bloody months!!! once the initial elation of giving birth has worn off and i was left home whilst everyone went off to work, school etc, thats when i would have welcomed visitors, but none came. Whilst on the subject did anyone else not like it when others picked up their newborn. I used to HATE the smell of other people on my baby, and would have the urge to nuzzle them until they smelt like mine again. Guess its a primitive instinct, and no i'm not an earth mother.Any one else felt that???

GordonTheGopher · 31/07/2008 19:22

Gosh this thread is competitive!

ipanemagirl · 31/07/2008 19:28

I think mothers vary enormously in terms of what they need after a baby is born.
I tore quite badly after my ds was born and was in pjs and near bed for nearly 2 weeks. But I wanted to establish bfing and it was really hard for nearly 10 days.
But some women have an easy time and are running around immediately. I find them utterly amazing, I was shattered for ages!

Skribble · 31/07/2008 19:32

How does a 4 day old baby push a trolley or carry the bags .

PotPourri · 31/07/2008 21:26

YABU, imo

Toothache · 31/07/2008 21:32

With my first (ds)I was a recluse! lol. Also developed PND though

With my second.... (dd) I couldn't resist the urge to buy PINK THINGS!!!!

cbmummy · 31/07/2008 21:34

Nah - a woman i know had her baby late in the morning and brought her to my daughters birthday party that afternoon and then on to a bbQ!!!! Don't get it

juuule · 31/07/2008 21:45

Skribble -

First baby I didn't go out for 10 days. Didn't think I was allowed to (don't think I was up to it anyway).

Last baby, I was back doing the school run the day after.

I think it depends on how traumatic or not the birth is, how quickly you recover and what stuff you have to do or want to do and whether you have any help.

jammydodger · 31/07/2008 21:47

First baby went out at 2 days old to get his passport photo taken at the booth in Tescos, moved to Australia when he was 14 days old. (Bad timing, that).
Everything is do-able!

bohemianbint · 31/07/2008 21:51

Considering I couldn't wee for two weeks without crying and needed a bottle of water with lavender oil in to dilute the hell - I think it's safe to say I'd not be shopping.

But then I fucking hate shopping at the best of times.

Frizbe · 31/07/2008 21:53

dd1 came to the local shops with me at 3 days old, I needed food and drink eh! and she gave the old ladies something to coo over, it took me half hour extra to get around the shop with all the cooing!

AnitaCreambun · 31/07/2008 21:59

Within the first two weeks of my baby's life she'd been to a wedding, two Christmas parties and a pub lunch. Was exhausted when I stopped to think about it, but at the time was feeling great (I think still running on the post-delivery adrenaline high?!) and glad to get all the first visits by friends and family over so we could all relax after that!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 31/07/2008 22:21

we were at a wedding when dd was 10 days old.
a friend of the family took her to hold and disappeared with her.
I told DH to go fetch her back, I thought she was trying to steal her

I think do whatever suits you - I did everything on my terms, I wanted to go to work to show them DD (I'd driven them mad for 6mths talking about nothing but her!), I wanted to introduce her to all the family. I like to think everybody would have respected my wishes if I hadnt felt up to it.

Horses for courses and all that

Eilatan · 01/08/2008 00:04

I went to the pub (outside) the day after discharge, babe was 3 days, I'd had two hours of repair after bungled ventouse.. Then I pretty much took him all over...shopping, round of relatives and friends, to a local music festival at 8 days, to a big one in Wales at 6 weeks. I wish I hadn't. I felt like my womb was dropping out and I couldn't bear anyone going within a yard of baby. I thought I was doing the right thing - Getting On With Life! I wish I'd rested. BFing failed and I'm sure all my trips out didn't help. Was on horse at 4 weeks... I don't think I was thinking straight. I was very annoyed with MW and HV for not being specific about when they were going to call and would go out by 9am if they hadn't been by then. I was back at full time teaching at 8 weeks. I wish I'd took a bit of time to chill. Birth was June 2007, I have only started to feel 'right' physically and mentally a couple of days ago.

QueenyEisGotTheBall · 01/08/2008 00:15

i was out in my local asda when DD was 4 days old i had a 2nd degree tear aswell. i felt fine and was desperate to get out of the house and get some air and some food in if the woman feel ready then what is it to you??(OP) YABU some people dont have the luxury to stay at home and shouldnt be judged for it.
xx ei xx

Lonnie · 01/08/2008 00:16

I have read this post with a lot of interest and chuckled a few times..

I think it is very important that we allow mothers (and fathers) to do what we feel comfortable and happy with.

I took dd1 out to the shops at 3 days old. dh and I went to our local shopping centre to M&S bought a PINK outfit and then sat at a cafe having a cappuchino. I remember a eldery lady stopping and talking with us about her for a good while and it is one of those most perfect moments in my life I can remember I felt so happy and relaxed.. I went shopping in a town about 35 mins drive away when she was 10 days old. I had planned it in advance with a friend whom had a baby 1 month older. THe HV rang that morning wanting to show at 10 am and I said no you cant I have plans and rearranged it to 2 pm and I can remember feeling it was a intrution in my life that I had to rearrange my plans.. (and I was 15 mins late home lol)

with dd2 the first I can remember was 5 days old my gf came and picked me and dd1 and 2 up and took us to the toddler group I was helping run, I wanted to show my precious baby off and I had alovely time got to sit in a chair all the way through and was comfortable and happy..

with ds I took him out on day 2 for the HUGE christmas shop.. dh and dd1&2 came along and I spendt the majority of the shopping trip in a seat near the childrens toy area with dh coming back and forth saying is this ok? is that ok? in retrospect the trip was not ok I was not over the birth (had been traumatic and unplesant) however it had never occured to me ds would arrive BEFORE Christmas (as the girls had both been 1 week over I had assumed baby would arrive after Christmas not on his EDD) I don't recall us going anywhere else for 3 weeks apart from a trip down to sil on Boxingday (where I got to sink into a sofa and not get up once)

with dd3 I took her out at 2 days old to do the school run. I did this for several reasons
1 I felt great and happy (wonderful birth)
2 I wanted to allow dd1 to show off her little sister to her friends and I knew my milk would start the day after and then I wouldn't be able to go anywhere for a few days
and 3 I wanted to show her off to my friends.

It took 1/2 hour in total and it was fine I was comfortable with it.

We took her shopping at 4 days old and again it was fine..

However my gf whom gave birth a year after I had given birth to dd1 didn't leave the house for 3 weeks and even now says she feels that was to early for her..

each to their own

Lonnie
(very infrequent poster)

AramintaAlice · 01/08/2008 09:08

I have 7 children and felt awful after the first birth. However, after the 2nd I went shopping the same day. The birth was easy and fast and I was discharged 6 hours later. I felt so well in fact that it felt odd to be bleeding - I really didn't feel as if I'd just given birth. DS came with me and he's now a healthy 16 year old so doesn't appear to have suffered!

My 7th is a week old and was my 2nd caesarean...I was out of hospital 2 days after he was born and shopping by day 3.

If she feels fit and healthy enough, I think it's fine

orangehead · 01/08/2008 09:11

I took mine out shopping as soon as I got out of hospital (7 days with ds1 and 6 days with ds2). It was essential for my sanity, although thinking back I seriously was not up to it

ExtraFancy · 01/08/2008 13:49

I took mine to John Lewis with me when he was 3 days old, as I needed to be fitted for nursing bras. Should I have left him at home on his own?

Besides, there's plenty of germ-ridden 'random strangers' on every hospital Maternity ward, so unless you've had a homebirth, I don't see how that's really an issue!

poppy34 · 01/08/2008 18:21

yabu.. each to their own .. I still struggle 5 weeks on so am full of admiration for anyone who is up to this so soon afterwards.

EvilGnome · 01/08/2008 23:54

I went out to the shopping centre when my little girl was 3 days old, i wanted to show her off to be honest...even though i was tired! I went out to mothercare shopping when she was 4 days old too...BIG MISTAKE! I really should have stayed home because my stitch split open into a 4inch gash as deep as the muscle...which still hurts 15 months on! So my advice is to stay home or do as little walking as possible because the advice you're given is given for a bloody good reason!!!

AvenaLife · 01/08/2008 23:57

I had to go out when ds was 4 days, I had to buy maternity pads as there was no one else to do it. I had stitches and I was in so much pain. I fed him in mothercare, all I got was 'he's a tiny baby'.

Vbee · 02/08/2008 10:18

I gave birth in Norway which has a whole different culture than here both in hospitals and in general in relation to birth and babies. I was in hospital for 5 days where DH stayed in private room with us, u have your baby with u or if you want to sleep nurses will watch the baby for u. My mom washed cleaned and cooked for the next three weeks, without interfeering with our babycare or us so I could enjoy DD, and sleep!! but had to fly to GB after 4 weeks which I felt was too early but no choice due to HB work. I am fully recov. still breast feed, work part time from home, study full time, and have a very active (walking) DD(10mnd) who I stay at home with, who hardly every screams or fuzzes, luck or due to having a peaceful homelife in early days? who knows. I did it for me and for her, and having worked with PND I am quite sure that taking time in life (for anything) is important, especially after the trauma to your body and mind (and to Baby) of giving birth, regardless of the ease of it. We still order food for delivery, etc to minimize the time she has to spend stuck in a buggy. Should others do otherwise? None of my business, but I agree FOR ME it seems to early, and if it was out of necessity rather than want, then there might be a need to adress (by midwifes) how it could be done differently. Finally staing in bed was not only for the rich, it is a cultural thing but where parents or community pitch in for that period, in india new moms get massage (local ladies) every day, in china special food cooked by mother to strenthen CHI.

cafebistro · 02/08/2008 10:24

When i had ds we went to John Lewis to have his hand and footprint done at 5 days old, i felt fine so i dont see the problem. When my MIL had dp 38 years ago she had him at home and stayed in bed for a week! God can you imagine....