To get so wound up about my dd's fussy friend...

[sabire]

who comes round OFTEN, and doesn't eat: pasta, pizza, cheese, seafood, fish, rice, tomatoes, anything in a sauce, quiche, noodles, lasagna ('never tried that!), stew argggh!

I really struggle to be accomodating, because the lesson I give my own children around food is this: you are not in a cafe and you don't get to pick and choose your meals. When someone prepares food for you it's a gift and a privilege. If you don't like it, just politely say you aren't very hungry and don't have seconds. If children say to me 'I don't like that' when they come around for a meal I just say - 'don't worry love - you don't have to eat it' but don't offer them anything else..... Is that mean?

When my dd goes to other people's houses and they say 'what would she like to eat' my answer is: 'whatever you want to give her'. Consequently my children are very unfussy compared to their friends - they eat almost anything and enjoy it. Obviously if a child was allergic to something or really repulsed by it I wouldn't expect them to eat it - but basic fussiness - I can't cope with it. I'm just worried that I'm going to turn my children into social pariahs because I won't pander to their friends' fussy eating habits.

Sabire. The reason you have been given 'constant accusations of 'smugness'is because that is what your orignal post smacks of. The truth hurts. Maybe you should look at yourslef first.

The issue is that everyone who has a 'fussy' or 'phobic' eater has come up against someone like you. As I said you sound just like my sister aka perfect parent. Her only child may eat everything on his plate but due to the fact he was so spolit she was actually feeding him with spoon aged 5 because he was 'too tired' to do it. or possibly more likely that at that moment he wasn't the centre of attention and it was a good way to get the attention back on to him. Of course she can't see the issues with her own child either.

I didn't accuse you of making a big fuss i spoke of a specific incidnnet invovling memebers of my family.

Sabire - the lines that I think have provoked the accusations of smugness are

"When my dd goes to other people's houses and they say 'what would she like to eat' my answer is: 'whatever you want to give her'. Consequently my children are very unfussy compared to their friends - they eat almost anything and enjoy it."

These 2 lines basically say that it is as a result of your parenting that your children are better eaters than their friends. It never goes down well to compare children to the detriment of other children, and especially not to praise yourself for their superiority!

'the truth hurts.'

dangerous statement, that, given the tremendous amount of clearly very hurt people on this thread.

odd that i find myself sticking up for sabire again, given that i don't necessarily agree with her, but really, there is no perspective here, just insults at this stage.

sabire has posted fifty zillion times, explained herself plenty. better to take her most recent posts, surely, than castigate her for earlier ones.

'put alot of thought, hard work and perserverance into this side of my family life and I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to feel some sense of acheivement over this'

I see exactly what you mean Sabire. I just think that this whole issue is so emotive because some people do exactly the same, but without the good result you've had. I think they see someone who does achieve the good result, as lucky (as well as having worked for it). It's like BFing and the pride and achievement people take from doing it; other people may have tried JUST as hard, but for whatever reason it hasn't worked and therefore they feel the other person was 'lucky'.....

I don't think I'm expressing myself hugely well, I think I mean that from the 'other' person's point of view it is hard to see people celebrate their 'acheivements' because it is experienced as an implied judgement on those who haven't 'acheived'.

The thing is I think the vast majority of parents do put the work in, and the result is dependent on the child's own individual make-up as much as anything...

i certainly think that the vast, vast majority of MNers put the work in, that's for sure.

Really sabire, I draw the line at telling people to feck off, thats nasty and imo people only use nasty words like that when they don't have anything intelligent to say.

I'm sure you won't care one bit but I have reported you to mumsnet

memoo are you the pc police? Do you get a thrill from telling tales and feeling morally superior??

we're all grown ups here,we can read these posts and make our own judgements, I for one am not going to faint over an emotional outburst or swear word from sabire. That's real life.

This thread is wayyyy too bitchy!

Oh dear

I'm getting dizzy......

teacher, I don't get a thrill but there is no need for it to get to the point where people are swearing at each other.

You say this is getting too bitchy, EXACTLY, If swearing at each other isn't being bitchy I don't know what is.

I too can read these post and make my own judgement, just because you find it ok doesn't mean i have too.

feck, though, memoo, isn't swearing. fuck is swearing, feck is implicitly sending the message 'i feel strongly but am NOT swearing at you'...

but yes, it's all getting out of hand. has been for a while. lol at squirdle.

Aitch, we all know that what she actually means is "fuck off"

And Teacher, its not feeling superior, its about having some class and respect for other people

If someone swore at you in real life, would you just deem it as acceptable and "real life"

Real life means putting your point across whilst treating other people with respect,

Clearly some of the posters on this thread are not able to have an intelligent argument without resorting to swearing.

And to be honest if you're the kind of person who in real life would find it acceptable to be told to "feck off" then you're really not worth having a discussion with.

This really is out of hand, I'm done now, will be logging off after this. you can bitch away as much as you like but I have much better things to do with my time.

Aitch, I was going to say the same, but really couldn't be bothered at the time

Memoo, feck isn't proper swearing...most people on here know that.

I know - let's talk about adult (severely) fussy eaters instead. I cannot stand them. Anyone else?

but she didn't tell you to feck off, memoo, she told lucyellensmum... it's up to her to take offence or not (and to be, by extension, the kind of person you'd find 'worth having a discussion with').

personally, i'd find all this 'nothing intelligent to say' 'not worth having disc etc' infinitely more offensive than 'feck off'. after all, you are sayinig it to offend, where at least 'feck' rather than fuck does pull the punch a bit.

do you know what, sweeey? i don't know any adult fussy eaters At All.

that's got to be a positive for everyone on this thread, hasn't it?

I certainly don't know any adults who eat as little as DS2...which is very reassuring

Now Aitch...would you like to talk about bricks?

very much. i hate the red ones. it's sandstone all the way for me.

"if you're the kind of person who in real life would find it acceptable to be told to "feck off" then you're really not worth having a discussion with."

umm.... where is the logic in this sentence?

I hate peas, is this my mothers fault?

Ooh posh bricks!! You have to name them Ophelia or Tarquin. None of your Rick or Bob business!

And with that, I need to get off the rounabout and take my children to meet their friends at the park...oh joy...

Do you really not know any fussy adult eaters Aitch? I have major problems with this when organising team away days etc for work. I have no problems making sure there is something nice for my colleague who can't eat gluten, but the fuss some of them make! I wonder how they were brought up to be honest... [

But in truth it is very tiresome when you go to a fair bit of effort to find somewhere nice, with a variety of foodstuffs provided, and all you get is a load of moaning. Especially when the lady with gluten problems is so apologetic (in fact I have never heard her complain when the lunch is sandwiches, which it frequently is in work lunches and the organiser has forgotten she can't eat bread).

But then I was brought up to consider fussiness to be incredibly rude (my mother was seriously militant about waste). Fair enough not to like something, but you shouldn't tell anyone that in an offensive way - worst telling off I have ever had was for coming into the kitchen and saying "yuk" about some meal my mother was preparing. Oh, and I do have a fussy daughter, and I do find it upsetting - if she is still fussy when she has grown up I will feel a certain sense of personal failure. But she is in my opinion "ordinarily" fussy I have every confidence that in time she will grow out of it, as most (but not all) children do.

Weird thread.

Am only bothering to post to say that I live in France where most children are used to being offered a wide variety of foods and being expected to get on with them. I know very few fussy children.

My DD1's school canteen serves a three course meal evey lunch with NO CHOICES. Parents are encouraged to eat at the canteen and I have done this a couple of times. I was amazed and delighted to watch 100 kids tuck in to what was put down in front of them. Children eat what they are given and amazingly seem to enjoy it.

Example; I had lunch with a friend today, there were 6 kids present ranging from 2 years old to 12 years old. They ate tomatoes, aubergines, onions, swiss chard, couscous and a sort of French meatball that contains lots of spinach and herbs. Clean plates all round even from my fussy 2 year old. Then they had goat's cheese and camembert that was so ripe it was practically walking off the plate. Pudding was fresh fruit which they all enjoyed. Everybody drank plain water.

For the record my DD1 has allergies and my DD2 would be fussier than she already is if I pandered.

I sympathise wholeheartedly with parents who struggle to feed a child with real food issues of any kind I just wonder why such issues seem to be much more common in the UK than they are in say France.

Sabire, maybe it is because I hold a similar opinion to you but I don't think you sound any smugger than the rest of us parents. Think people are trying a bit too hard to take what you are saying personaly and am a bit at some of the posts.

nope, all my friends are gutsy bastards.
although to be fair i wouldn't count an allergy as fuss, iykwim?

Sabire

You are not being bullied on this thread. You asked, AIBU. IMO yes you are. If you don't want anyone to say that, don't post in AIBU.

Are you being judgmental? Yes you are. Your comments are making you look more and more of a twunt.

Are you making assumptions that this child's mother, and mothers of other children with fussy eating habits don't try to do anything about it and have brought it all on themselves? Yes you are. And I refer to my earlier twunt comment.

Do you have the empathy skills of the average slug? Yes you do. And with that, I bid you goodnight.

maybe the one factor that all mothers of fussy eaters have in common is that they rile easily?